James from London
International Treasure
25 Mar 87: DYNASTY: The Dress v. 25/6 Mar 87: THE COLBYS: The Dead End/Crossroads v. 26 Mar: KNOTS LANDING: Deadly Combination v. 27 Mar 87: FALCON CREST: Cold Hands
At the end of last week’s COLBYS, Jason found his fiancee Frankie in bed with his brother Phillip. At the beginning of this week’s FALCON CREST, Dan Fixx discovers his fiancee Vicky in bed with Eric Stavros. When confronted, Frankie and Vicky both try to deflect the blame onto the men they have cheated on. “I asked you to keep him away and you wouldn’t listen!” Frankie tells Jason. “It wouldn’t have happened if you were there!” Vicky tells Dan. Neither man is impressed by this method of defence. “This marriage — maybe we’re making a mistake,” Jason suggests. “I want you to move out,” Dan insists.
While Dan and Eric discuss their differences over a bottle of whisky, Jason favours a more violent approach when dealing with Phillip. First, he contemplates a shotgun (echoing the time Sable aimed the same weapon at him), then a horsewhip (evoking memories of Miss Ellie and Jock in DALLAS: THE EARLY YEARS), before finally settling for a messy, muddy fistfight in the grounds of the Colby mansion (a cross between Roy and Chance’s cattle pen punch-up on THE YELLOW ROSE and Eric and Michael’s fight in the Mackenzie living room on KNOTS).
Exes drifting back together is another common trend this week. On DYNASTY, fireside reminiscing between Steven and Sammy Jo (“Remember the first time we made love?”) leads to montage sex and even a shared freeze-frame. On THE COLBYS, Jason’s discovery of Frankie with her former husband (“the pull of the past,” she explains) leads to an unexpected rapprochement between him and Sable who describes their relationship as “some sort of curse. Every time I nearly accept that it’s over, something happens to give me hope.” FALCON CREST’s Chase and Maggie also reunite — if only in a failed attempt to retrieve their baby son from whoever adopted him. Meanwhile on KNOTS, Mack and “the passion of his youth”, Anne Matheson, spend a nostalgic evening in her house imbibing pizza and beer and grooving to her collection of sixties records, most notably Mamas and the Papas’ ‘Dedicated to the One I Love’.
In this most meta of seasons — who could forget Val Gibson’s dealings with Ramilar Productions on KNOTS, Mandy Winger’s MIAMI VICE pastiche on DALLAS or FALCON CREST’s ongoing homage to VERTIGO? — the use of ‘Dedicated to the One I Love’ is surely the most satisfying intertextual moment of them all. Even if the viewer is unaware that the actress playing Anne Matheson was one of the singers performing the song, it would still be the perfect soundtrack for the trip down memory lane that Anne has orchestrated. And for those who are aware, the track works on many levels: as well as being gorgeously romantic, it’s also dreamily nostalgic, hearkening back to an era when Anne and Michelle Phillips were each in her youthful prime. It’s also slyly manipulative — both Anne and KNOTS itself know precisely what buttons they are pushing. Heck, a Mamas and the Papas LP cover can even be glimpsed on Anne’s living room floor.
The first Soap Land Song Wars in, well, ages, is between Marvin Gaye’s ‘I’ll be Doggone,’ as performed by Mack and Anne as part of their boozy night in, and Melissa’s rendition of the old standard ‘Goody Goody’ during an amateur talent night on FALCON CREST. Whereas the KNOTS couple are drunkenly uninhibited as they dance and sing along in the privacy of Anne’s home — Mack’s use of a beer bottle as a pretend mic and his sweat-stained shirt only add to the impromptu vibe of the occasion — Melissa delivers her performance, for reasons yet to be explained, under the alias of Veronique the Slumming Socialite. Her heavily stylised, semi-spoken, innuendo-laden rendition could not be further from the raucous fun going on over at Anne’s house. If one also remembers that we are witnessing Michelle freaking Phillips performing a song from the era that defined her in throwaway circumstances similar to those in which Howard flipping Keel casually serenaded a bedridden Miss Ellie with ‘Don’t Get Around Much Anymore’ on DALLAS a few episodes ago, then Anne and Mack are the clear winners. Admittedly, Melissa’s cabaret act on FC drives the crowd of on-screen extras wild, but that doesn’t prevent it being Soap Land’s possibly most cringe-inducing sequence to date.
Two weeks after Sarah Curtis tried to end it all on DYNASTY come two more Soap Land suicide attempts. Following rejections from Jason Colby and Mack Mackenzie, Frankie and Anne each decide that life is no longer worth living. But whereas Frankie retreats to an out of the way motel to shuffle off this mortal coil, Anne has prearranged for Mack to come round for breakfast the morning after her pill overdose and thus presumably find her before it’s too late. (“And the darkest hour is just before dawn,” sing those Mamas and their Papas) But while Jeff manages to track Frankie down and save her in the nick of time, Mack changes his breakfast plans at the last minute (“I am gonna have breakfast in my house at that table with my wife,” he insists) and so the episode ends with Anne’s life hanging in the balance.
It’s coming up to a year since the historic moment when Pam Ewing awoke from her season-long nightmare. Turns out on this week’s COLBYS that the only thing more outrageous than a thirty-one episode dream is not dreaming at all. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Maybe that’s part of it,” Fallon tells Jeff in an effort to explain her slightly-more-highly-strung-than-usual behaviour. “Bad dreams?” he enquires. “No dreams,” she replies. “I just wake up in the middle of the night with this terrible feeling — as if I’ve lost something.” He suggests she might be suffering “West Coast postpartum depression”, but the reality turns out to be something even stranger.
Prior to other I-can’t-believe-this-is-actually-happening moments in Soap Land, the norm had already been departed from. DYNASTY invented an entire foreign country and accompanying royal family weeks before gunning down all the show’s major characters during a military coup. Bobby’s return in the shower came at the end of a very strange year in DALLAS that combined international espionage with Down’s Syndrome. By contrast, recent events on THE COLBYS could scarcely have been more traditionally soapy: a long-lost brother returning from the dead, an aborted wedding, a love triangle, a suicide attempt, a pregnant wife running off to have an abortion … what could be more comfortingly familiar? I’m not convinced we really needed a UFO (a UFO!) landing in front of Fallon and then whisking her away — not when we’ve already seen the earthly equivalent in the very same episode, i.e., Jason’s helicopter, in hot pursuit of a car containing Phillip and Frankie. The car crashes. While Phillip disappears into thin air (in the same tradition as recent Big Bads Jean Hackney and Wes Parmalee), Frankie is left behind, badly injured. Although I’m no fictional doctor, I’ll wager her prognosis isn’t great, especially when she smiles bravely and urges Jason and Jeff to “be a family.” Now where have I heard those last words before?
While THE COLBYS’ final scene is undoubtedly impressive, it suffers from having little relation to the episode surrounding it. Perhaps the UFO sequence would carry more resonance had the series been granted a third season that showed Fallon’s alien abduction being somehow absorbed into the traditional Soap Land genre. Might there have been some connection between Fallon whizzing around the galaxy and Jason’s space-age IMOS project? As it is, the sequence, however memorable, pales next to the exquisitely executed scene in KNOTS where Anne Matheson interrupts the Mackenzies’ evening to ask her new neighbours about “garbage day”. She looks as mystified by the concept as Fallon is by the extra-terrestrial who beckons her onto his ship. “What exactly does that mean?” she enquires nervously. “It means that, early in the morning, the garbage trucks come by and pick up everyone’s garbage,” Mack explains patiently. “We have to move the cans to the kerb — all by ourselves,” adds Karen with a little more edge.
The bulk of this week’s FALCON CREST, meanwhile, is dominated by the investigation into Roland Saunders’ murder which is given a distinctly KNOTSian treatment. In an effort to bestow the story with an extra dimension, we are granted a brief glimpse into the local DA’s backstory (“For the first time in seventeen years, I’ve got a case that’s worthy of me!”) just as we were into Detective Baines’s past when she began looking into Cji’s death. There is much jump-cutting between witness interrogations just as there was after Ciji’s murder, and as in that storyline, one character willingly takes the rap to protect another. The big difference is that here the plot is so convoluted, and the characters chiefly involved so remote, it’s hard to really care what happens.
1 (-) KNOTS LANDING
2 (1) THE COLBYS
3 (3) DYNASTY
4 (-) FALCON CREST
At the end of last week’s COLBYS, Jason found his fiancee Frankie in bed with his brother Phillip. At the beginning of this week’s FALCON CREST, Dan Fixx discovers his fiancee Vicky in bed with Eric Stavros. When confronted, Frankie and Vicky both try to deflect the blame onto the men they have cheated on. “I asked you to keep him away and you wouldn’t listen!” Frankie tells Jason. “It wouldn’t have happened if you were there!” Vicky tells Dan. Neither man is impressed by this method of defence. “This marriage — maybe we’re making a mistake,” Jason suggests. “I want you to move out,” Dan insists.
While Dan and Eric discuss their differences over a bottle of whisky, Jason favours a more violent approach when dealing with Phillip. First, he contemplates a shotgun (echoing the time Sable aimed the same weapon at him), then a horsewhip (evoking memories of Miss Ellie and Jock in DALLAS: THE EARLY YEARS), before finally settling for a messy, muddy fistfight in the grounds of the Colby mansion (a cross between Roy and Chance’s cattle pen punch-up on THE YELLOW ROSE and Eric and Michael’s fight in the Mackenzie living room on KNOTS).
Exes drifting back together is another common trend this week. On DYNASTY, fireside reminiscing between Steven and Sammy Jo (“Remember the first time we made love?”) leads to montage sex and even a shared freeze-frame. On THE COLBYS, Jason’s discovery of Frankie with her former husband (“the pull of the past,” she explains) leads to an unexpected rapprochement between him and Sable who describes their relationship as “some sort of curse. Every time I nearly accept that it’s over, something happens to give me hope.” FALCON CREST’s Chase and Maggie also reunite — if only in a failed attempt to retrieve their baby son from whoever adopted him. Meanwhile on KNOTS, Mack and “the passion of his youth”, Anne Matheson, spend a nostalgic evening in her house imbibing pizza and beer and grooving to her collection of sixties records, most notably Mamas and the Papas’ ‘Dedicated to the One I Love’.
In this most meta of seasons — who could forget Val Gibson’s dealings with Ramilar Productions on KNOTS, Mandy Winger’s MIAMI VICE pastiche on DALLAS or FALCON CREST’s ongoing homage to VERTIGO? — the use of ‘Dedicated to the One I Love’ is surely the most satisfying intertextual moment of them all. Even if the viewer is unaware that the actress playing Anne Matheson was one of the singers performing the song, it would still be the perfect soundtrack for the trip down memory lane that Anne has orchestrated. And for those who are aware, the track works on many levels: as well as being gorgeously romantic, it’s also dreamily nostalgic, hearkening back to an era when Anne and Michelle Phillips were each in her youthful prime. It’s also slyly manipulative — both Anne and KNOTS itself know precisely what buttons they are pushing. Heck, a Mamas and the Papas LP cover can even be glimpsed on Anne’s living room floor.
The first Soap Land Song Wars in, well, ages, is between Marvin Gaye’s ‘I’ll be Doggone,’ as performed by Mack and Anne as part of their boozy night in, and Melissa’s rendition of the old standard ‘Goody Goody’ during an amateur talent night on FALCON CREST. Whereas the KNOTS couple are drunkenly uninhibited as they dance and sing along in the privacy of Anne’s home — Mack’s use of a beer bottle as a pretend mic and his sweat-stained shirt only add to the impromptu vibe of the occasion — Melissa delivers her performance, for reasons yet to be explained, under the alias of Veronique the Slumming Socialite. Her heavily stylised, semi-spoken, innuendo-laden rendition could not be further from the raucous fun going on over at Anne’s house. If one also remembers that we are witnessing Michelle freaking Phillips performing a song from the era that defined her in throwaway circumstances similar to those in which Howard flipping Keel casually serenaded a bedridden Miss Ellie with ‘Don’t Get Around Much Anymore’ on DALLAS a few episodes ago, then Anne and Mack are the clear winners. Admittedly, Melissa’s cabaret act on FC drives the crowd of on-screen extras wild, but that doesn’t prevent it being Soap Land’s possibly most cringe-inducing sequence to date.
Two weeks after Sarah Curtis tried to end it all on DYNASTY come two more Soap Land suicide attempts. Following rejections from Jason Colby and Mack Mackenzie, Frankie and Anne each decide that life is no longer worth living. But whereas Frankie retreats to an out of the way motel to shuffle off this mortal coil, Anne has prearranged for Mack to come round for breakfast the morning after her pill overdose and thus presumably find her before it’s too late. (“And the darkest hour is just before dawn,” sing those Mamas and their Papas) But while Jeff manages to track Frankie down and save her in the nick of time, Mack changes his breakfast plans at the last minute (“I am gonna have breakfast in my house at that table with my wife,” he insists) and so the episode ends with Anne’s life hanging in the balance.
It’s coming up to a year since the historic moment when Pam Ewing awoke from her season-long nightmare. Turns out on this week’s COLBYS that the only thing more outrageous than a thirty-one episode dream is not dreaming at all. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Maybe that’s part of it,” Fallon tells Jeff in an effort to explain her slightly-more-highly-strung-than-usual behaviour. “Bad dreams?” he enquires. “No dreams,” she replies. “I just wake up in the middle of the night with this terrible feeling — as if I’ve lost something.” He suggests she might be suffering “West Coast postpartum depression”, but the reality turns out to be something even stranger.
Prior to other I-can’t-believe-this-is-actually-happening moments in Soap Land, the norm had already been departed from. DYNASTY invented an entire foreign country and accompanying royal family weeks before gunning down all the show’s major characters during a military coup. Bobby’s return in the shower came at the end of a very strange year in DALLAS that combined international espionage with Down’s Syndrome. By contrast, recent events on THE COLBYS could scarcely have been more traditionally soapy: a long-lost brother returning from the dead, an aborted wedding, a love triangle, a suicide attempt, a pregnant wife running off to have an abortion … what could be more comfortingly familiar? I’m not convinced we really needed a UFO (a UFO!) landing in front of Fallon and then whisking her away — not when we’ve already seen the earthly equivalent in the very same episode, i.e., Jason’s helicopter, in hot pursuit of a car containing Phillip and Frankie. The car crashes. While Phillip disappears into thin air (in the same tradition as recent Big Bads Jean Hackney and Wes Parmalee), Frankie is left behind, badly injured. Although I’m no fictional doctor, I’ll wager her prognosis isn’t great, especially when she smiles bravely and urges Jason and Jeff to “be a family.” Now where have I heard those last words before?
While THE COLBYS’ final scene is undoubtedly impressive, it suffers from having little relation to the episode surrounding it. Perhaps the UFO sequence would carry more resonance had the series been granted a third season that showed Fallon’s alien abduction being somehow absorbed into the traditional Soap Land genre. Might there have been some connection between Fallon whizzing around the galaxy and Jason’s space-age IMOS project? As it is, the sequence, however memorable, pales next to the exquisitely executed scene in KNOTS where Anne Matheson interrupts the Mackenzies’ evening to ask her new neighbours about “garbage day”. She looks as mystified by the concept as Fallon is by the extra-terrestrial who beckons her onto his ship. “What exactly does that mean?” she enquires nervously. “It means that, early in the morning, the garbage trucks come by and pick up everyone’s garbage,” Mack explains patiently. “We have to move the cans to the kerb — all by ourselves,” adds Karen with a little more edge.
The bulk of this week’s FALCON CREST, meanwhile, is dominated by the investigation into Roland Saunders’ murder which is given a distinctly KNOTSian treatment. In an effort to bestow the story with an extra dimension, we are granted a brief glimpse into the local DA’s backstory (“For the first time in seventeen years, I’ve got a case that’s worthy of me!”) just as we were into Detective Baines’s past when she began looking into Cji’s death. There is much jump-cutting between witness interrogations just as there was after Ciji’s murder, and as in that storyline, one character willingly takes the rap to protect another. The big difference is that here the plot is so convoluted, and the characters chiefly involved so remote, it’s hard to really care what happens.
1 (-) KNOTS LANDING
2 (1) THE COLBYS
3 (3) DYNASTY
4 (-) FALCON CREST