Alexis Enters SUNSET BEACH

[Alexis]

It's actually kind of incredible that Ashley Hamilton is so utterly devoid of any acting talent or charisma or proof of life. I mean he's more wooden than the sets. I know George Hamilton was no Marlon Brando, but I mean he was a decent enough actor. He knew what he was doing. Apparently the apple fell very far from the tree. Like into another field, over a fence somewhere. He's just terrible. I mean so terrible that I know he's been in less than 15 episodes because like, he's still here, but it feels like he's been in 178 episodes so far.

Enough about that though. I have decided that the Sunset Beach opening credits are my favourite soap credits EVER! That bluesy Jazzy sultry sax and that pinky poinky piano amazingness. Those dramatic black and white sexy head shots with the occasional Laura Avery head spin. They are the best!

Now we have Meg's ex Tim working for Gregory Richards, as his chauffer/spy. Spying on his daughter Caitlyn and his son Sean. Caitlyn is seeing Cole Deschanel and Gregory is not happy about this... I'm not too happy about it either, but I'll feel better when the head swop happens.
Sean is seeing Tiffany, or as I like to call her, Big Mouth. I mean it's huge, like looking into a cave. I can never decide who's the worst actor Sean or Tiffany... I also have no idea why Gorgeous dreamboat Mark is in love with Tiffany. She thinks he's a piece of shit, because she's dumb as shit and prefers the spawn of Spelling.

Paula and Ricardo have gotten engaged.... Yada, yada .yada, etc, etc...
Paula's sister Gabby has shown up, but nobody knows she's her sister yet, and Eddie is kinda seeing her now.

Annie faked her death by incineration at the crematorium. She's now hiding out in Ben's while he tries to find out who really killed her father. Meg's in love with Ben who she now knows is SB. However she thinks Ben is now seeing another woman because she accidentally saw Annie get out of the shower at Ben's house. She didn't see it was Annie, just that it was a woman. Annie has twigged that Meg's into Ben and has just launched into feud mode... She calls her little miss Sunshine and other such names. I love Annie.

Plot twist! Meg is an unbelievable twat! I loved her back in the day and she was the heroine to me, she seemed so right and so good. Now watching it all these years later she's just an annoying nob! Either I was a stupid kid that didn't know nothin, or life has blackened my once tender heart.

Vanessa the reporter, bla, bla, bla, South Central, yada, yada, yada, Michael the lifeguard, Jamal Mohamod, Crime, Gangsta, Safe house, bla, bla, bla, etc, etc, etc, She's wearing a neckerchief I want her to die! Please just give her Martins Syndrome now! Where is the Terror Island Slasher? Please... Anyone? Kill her.

I'm just here praying for the new Cole to show up along with Adam Carrington/AJ Deschanel.

 

[Alexis]

Also Kathleen Noone as Aunt Bette is just something else. I mean she sells the shit out of everything. She's using every muscle of her actors body to act the shit out of everything. She's the Meryl Streep of Sunset Beach. Every scene, she's going for that Daytime Emmy. Regardless if she was nominated or not. She's working the shit out of those scripts. Even her hairpiece is a wonderful actor. I can tell her mood by her hair.

 

[Willie Oleson]

I didn't remember that much blow dried hair in the '90s. There are a lot of like big bouncy '60s style flips

I thought the men's hair trend was inspired by the 1940s...

 

[Alexis]

And... BOOM! No more Ashley Hamilton! We now have the real Cole Deschanel on the beach! What a beautiful man...


Even still!

 

[Alexis]

I just remembered... Annie and Meg cat fights... They're a comin!

 

[tommie]

It's actually kind of incredible that Ashley Hamilton is so utterly devoid of any acting talent or charisma or proof of life. I mean he's more wooden than the sets. I know George Hamilton was no Marlon Brando, but I mean he was a decent enough actor. He knew what he was doing. Apparently the apple fell very far from the tree. Like into another field, over a fence somewhere. He's just terrible. I mean so terrible that I know he's been in less than 15 episodes because like, he's still here, but it feels like he's been in 178 episodes so far.

Well, excuse you - Ashley Hamilton actually both starred in AND directed erotic horror film Gothic Harvest last year. He clearly has a lot of talent.

 

[Ray&Donna]

I just don't understand why nobodies clothes fitted them in the '90s. Did men's clothes only come XXXL?

It was some kind of "style" moment, or lack thereof, that our clothes were all oversized.

 

[Alexis]

Well, excuse you - Ashley Hamilton actually both starred in AND directed erotic horror film Gothic Harvest last year. He clearly has a lot of talent.

Keep it.

 

[Alexis]

I have watched 49 episodes! So far Cole has been seeing Caitlin and then dumped her, and has been shagging her mother Olivia and mother and daughter still have no idea they have been with the same guy.
Sean has moved homeless Tiffany into the Richards' mansion and is hiding her in the maids room.

Paula has been abducted and almost killed by a serial killer aided by bent cop Eddie. She has since been rescued by Ricardo. However the night she was abducted Ricardo was involved in a steamy trist with Gabby who is really Paula's sister but nobody knows this yet. Gabby has befriended Elaine at the Waffle shop who is really her mother.
Paula has post traumatic stress syndrome from being kidnapped.

Annie is still hiding out at Ben's, sometimes dressing up as Meg with a brown wig and oversized shirt and going outside in disguise. Gregory and Eddie are trying to prove that Annie is really alive and I think they are gonna do it very soon. Ben and Meg are in a fake relationship to hide the fact that Annie is living at his house.

Right now I think that Tim is the most devastatingly handsome man in the show. But I mean, that status changes often.

Vanessa is the most horribly dull character, she's like this stock character of a pesky reporter. Talking about her sources and deadlines and what not and nobody ever cares.
Casey and Dr Ray have bought a beach house together and then moved in half of Sunset Beach to help pay the mortgage. They are also fake married and keep getting wedding presents in the mail from her Chinese relatives.

We have just been introduced to Virginia, briefly...

On to episode 50 I go....

 

[tommie]

Vanessa is the most horribly dull character, she's like this stock character of a pesky reporter. Talking about her sources and deadlines and what not and nobody ever cares.

Oh yes - I love when soap characters state they have A Very Important Job that is vital to EVERYTHING. It's a good storyline for any character and I'm not at all sarcastic.

 

[Alexis]

I'm 60 odd episodes in and oh the drama that's unfolding. It's too much! A while back Gorgeous Mark and Tiff and Sean were at Ben's when Ben wasn't there, any ways they were drinking Champagne and then things got out of hand and Mark pushed Sean. Sean fell and hit his head on the faux marble. All was fine, it was just a bump and things went back to normal. Until.... Well I thought Sean was being poisoned by paint or something. He starts having blurry vision and dizzy spells and faints... Collapsing and rushed to Sunset Beach Medical Centre.. He's only gone and had a bleed to the bloody brain! Well Dr Ray saved the day, but this storyline went on for quite a few days. Then there was the crisis over if Sean would have the follow up surgery that had a lot of risks.. After a bit of terrible acting and pouting and sulking from Sean Spawn of Spelling all ended well.


Then there's Paula fresh from her kidnap drama. Now on the Del case and she thinks her mum Elaine killed Del. She found out she visited him the night he died. So she's stolen hair from her hairbrush to see if it matches the hair at the crime scene. Plot hole... They said it was a brunette hair, like Olivia's, Elaine is a red head. I don't think Paula will make detective. Cole and Elaine keep having nice scenes together, where they have a weird bond. It's nicely done though.

Meanwhile Aunt Bette and Olivia know that Cole is Elaine's son, and they were complicit in his kidnapping with Del back in the '70s? I guess it was then? So Olivia is boinking her friends son, while her friend doesn't know it's her son, and her son doesn't know Olivia kidnapped him.... And Cole, is in love with Caitlin, Olivia's daughter? Confused? Yes? You should be! But it's wonderful.

Annie still hides out at Ben's and keeps telling him that she loves him. Her confession that she was heart broken when her best friend Maria married Ben was, well, kinda heart
breaking. There's something really great about Annie and her past. Her weird ass relationship with her father. All very Poor Little Rich Girl. She didn't care if she pissed him off just any form of attention from him was good. Then being secretly in love with Ben, all while still being a real and true friend to Maria. It's great... Anyways Annie knows that Meg is Dorothy from Kansas, but has convinced her not to tell Ben yet. Meg sees this as a good idea as it buys her time to fall in love with Ben, as Meg, not Dorothy. Annie see's it as good for her as she has time to work on Ben, while he doesn't know Meg is/was Dorothy. I will give the writers this. It's all very complicated, but some how it works and is easy enough to follow.

I was semi wrong about Gabbi, she's not Elaine's daughter. Although she is Paula's half sister. They share the same father, not mother. Elaine isn't overly keen on Gabbi.

I have been wondering when they actually cast Maria. When Ben has his daydreamy stare outs with her portrait we get weird audio flashbacks. From the night on the boat when she died. Waves a crashin, and Maria calling out, "Ben! Ben, No!" and that kind of thing. And it does sound like the actress who shows up months later as Maria after the earthquake. Anyone know about this?

Fritz Heath from Dynasty season 9 just showed up as a neurosurgeon, who's going to let Dr Ray assist him in Sean's second brain surgery.

 

[Alexis]

I didn't even mention that Vanessa stupidly made Michael blurt out that he killed Virginia's husband, little Jimmy's father. Now little Jimmy is a preteen tearaway who hates Michael almost as much as I hate Vanessa.

He's not really called little Jimmy, he's called James. But I prefer little Jimmy. It just sounds more fitting for this shitty storyline.

 

[Alexis]

Oh and Eddie the bent cop has been running around Sunset Beach in drag! Dressed as Olivia Richards! I don't even care why...

 

[Alexis]

So there's this... A film I need to see. Living Out Loud from 1999. And what brought me here? Cole climbing out a window, and his, um.. yum.. rear was well, hypnotic. That's real folks! It's real...


And that lead me to this..

 

[tommie]

And it does sound like the actress who shows up months later as Maria after the earthquake. Anyone know about this?

IIRC, Maria (Christina Chambers) first appears a year and a half into the series, so I doubt they already casted her.

 

[Alexis]

Ok so I am still slugging away here at the Beach. I have to say it's all got a bit boring. I am on episode 89 now and Elaine is on trial for the murder of Del Douglas. Annie has come out of the closet, not as a lesbian but as a living person. She's no longer thought to be dead. Ben and Meg know they are Dorothy and SB.
Elaine knows that Cole is her son. And of course it's now not going well... All crossed wires and misunderstandings and Cole and Caitlyn are having the most boring love drama ever committed to tape. Zzzzzzz…… zzzzzzz…...zzzzzzzzzz. Take off your pants already.

Vanessa is insufferably horrible. She's such a little dick of a character. I despise the writer that dreamed her up. I get the idea that the writer wishes they were her, this wonder reporter. Only no! Nobody could ever want to be Vanessa. I cant wait until Virginia goes all crazy ass mofo and starts doing Voodoo to make her look like her face is melting.

Gregory Richards has bought the Sunset Beach Sentinel and so is now Vanessa super sleuth's new boss! Even that doesn't make her exciting.

Sean's blindness is the most shitty soap storyline ever. Imagine Blake's blindness for eternity. That's it.
So yea... I've hit a rough patch and things better change soon! I need a new character to waltz into town and shake some stuff up. That or an earthquake....

 

[Willie Oleson]

So there's this... A film I need to see. Living Out Loud from 1999. And what brought me here? Cole climbing out a window, and his, um.. yum.. rear was well, hypnotic. That's real folks! It's real...


And that lead me to this..

Oh my god, I mean...is this real? *wipes drool from chin*

I've never seen Sunset Beach but I believe it has supernatural storylines?

 

[Alexis]

Oh my god, I mean...is this real? *wipes drool from chin*

I've never seen Sunset Beach but I believe it has supernatural storylines?

In it's last year it goes a little supernatural with some cursed jewels and people turning into mummies.

And yes, that's real. He's unbelievably gorgeous! There are a lot of unbelievably attractive men on Sunset Beach it's basically why I'm watching it.

 

[Daniel Avery]

When I think of Sunset Beach, I think more of the movie rip-offs (um, I mean homages) they staged. Alas, it will be a long time before @Alexis will be getting around to those. SuBe premiered near the end of the era when networks were still willing to pony up a few extra bucks to do some bigger, more audacious Sweeps stories (with the expectation of an accompanying ratings jump), and of course the Spelling influence did dictate some better funding of the day-to-day operations. Still, no one at any of the networks seems willing to give anything beyond the very tiniest of budgets nowadays, so we likely will never see the likes of Shockwave or even Terror Island again on a daytime soap.

 

[Ray&Donna]

...so we likely will never see the likes of Shockwave or even Terror Island again on a daytime soap.

I loved Shockwave.

Spoiler

Probably the thing I remember most about the show, aside from some baby switcheroo drama.