Beasts (1976)

[Willie Oleson]

Because there's always room for more naff British anthology thriller series.

Despite my slightly underwhelming experience with the other anthology series I keep searching the evil net for more.
It's a genre I can't resist, like some people can't resist watching Charlie's Angels or CSI Miami.

The first episode, SPECIAL OFFER, is a downmarket (and supermarket) CARRIE.
A misfit teenage girl named Noreen works at the checkout counter, much to the nuisance of her bastard manager played by the handsome Geoffrey Bateman.
He's very interested in the giggly/slutty checkout girl June, but Noreen's jealousy manifests itself in telekinetic powers.
She claims it's some sort of an animal - "do you think it's Billy?" her manager asks sarcastically, referring to the shop's cartoon mascot.
She thinks it's funny and then "Billy" becomes her imaginary representation for her supernatural power.

The special effects are...what can be expected from this kind of production. The exploding frozen peas and soap powder look a bit hilarious but overall it's not so bad. Or, because it's all real physical stuff, it's actually very good.
But what's really good is the genuine mayhem created in these scenes. All the actors throw themselves into it and it makes for a satisfying experience.
And unlike many of the THRILLER episodes we actually get to know the characters a little bit, including the nosy old customer who's very fussy about the brand of cat food.

I have no idea how good the other episodes are, but this is certainly a good start.

A fun quote from IMDB:

I was 12 when it was shown and it totally creeped me out, and created an atmosphere of insanity and hysteria in a very bland setting. At school the next day, every was imitating Pauline Quirke's moon face calling out for "Billy!"

Congratulations, you have been quoted on tellytalk!

 

[Willie Oleson]

23 october 1976.

It's a horror story about rats, but the horror is in the sound and suggestion.
The radio plays a significant part in this episode, Barty's Party is a programme, and the funny thing is that this story would totally work as a radio play - you don't need to see any of it.
It's also possible that the news item (or is it a hoax?) created some sort of paranoia, making the situation more severe than it really was.
Either way, it's terrifying and gloriously miserable, So miserable, in fact, that it almost made me laugh. Almost.
It's another winner for BEASTS.

 

[Willie Oleson]

It's about buddybody. Buddyboy buddyboy buddyboy buddyboy. And I have NO idea why.

This is the single worst anthology thriller episode I have seen so far.
There's a short description for the video: "haunted by the ghost of a trained dolphin". Seems like a pretty daft idea, even if it was a series with big, spectacular effects.
But since the first two episodes were surprisingly good I expected them to pull it off. Somehow.

Credit where credit's due: one of the actors unexpectedly shows her nude buddyboys.

It's nice when that happens.

Or did I just watch an episode of BREASTS?

 

[Willie Oleson]

The best part of this episode is the interaction between the characters, especially the pregnant wife and her bossy, selfish husband played by Simon MacCorkindale.
Some interestingly awkward scenes because of the wife's anxious behaviour, and husband's co-worker and his wife are getting drunk and then he confuses his wife with his ex-wife. It's all totally irrelevant but at least it's very watchable.
The thriller/horror part doesn't go anywhere and I didn't even understand the ending. According to the youtube comments I wasn't the only one, and someone was so kind to explain. But even then it all seemed very wishy-washy.
Who knows, maybe there's something really smart and brilliant about it that I'm not seeing.

 

[Willie Oleson]

Episode 5 - WHAT BIG EYES - was neither interesting nor suspenseful, and the acting was almost embarrassingly good for such a lacklustre thriller episode.
Episode 6 - THE DUMMY - was fantastic pulp, so bad it's brilliant. The fact that everyone involved took it very seriously increased the bizarre feel of this episode.

This is a very odd series, I still haven't figured exactly what it is they were trying to achieve but I'm glad I've watched it.

 

[Barbara Fan]

I dont remember any of that but caught the little pic of Pauline Quirke in the top corner of your post and has been around for decades, i remember her when i was in Junior school in a prog called ?? Paulines Quirkes I think and it used to feature a group called Flintlcok and someone in it called Mike ?? Holoway who i thought was rather nice

Looks like Martin Shaw too, pre ? The Sweeney

PS a fine pair! Rather jealous!!

 

[Willie Oleson]

Mike from the band Flintlcok, if you read this contact Barbara Fan!
Pauline, if you read this don't call Billy!

 

[johnnybear]

Beasts started off great! Baby scared the life out of me as a teenager while Buddyboy excited me when Marianne Morris barged into the room and got her breasts out for a look! Dummy was good but the rest were a bit flat and Patrick Magee pretending to be dead and a werewolf while his chest was heaving up and down was not good!
JB

 

[johnnybear]

The creature came back for it's baby! simple! It may have been missing for a century or two in our way of life but the parent was drawn to the thing's cries and suddenly turned up at the end!
JB

 

[Willie Oleson]

Marianne Morris

Is she the sister of Anita?

 

[johnnybear]

I don't think so, Marianne was British and Anita American!
JB