Family reunions

[Willie Oleson]

Hm, it's that time of the year again, and I don't fare well in (large) groups.
It's not because I'm shy or anything like that, but I have literally nothing to say so I always end up listening to other people's conversations (about stuff that doesn't interest me).
It's perfectly doable for, say, 30 minutes, but these reunions usually last 4 or 5 hours.

I'm a very self-indulgent person, I need to enjoy myself. Maybe not at work, but that's a completely different situation.

It's torture, just to sit there for hours and hours and hours, sipping at 7Ups and trying very hard not to look isolated - what a waste of precious leisure time!

I don't dislike my family, and I'd love to see them, but not in this kind of setting.

I've got one week to plot the perfect excuse not to go

 

[James from London]

It's perfectly doable for, say, 30 minutes, but these reunions usually last 4 or 5 hours.

Is there any way you can arrive late and/or leave early?

 

[Willie Oleson]

Is there any way you can arrive late and/or leave early?

I'm usually the first one to leave, I don't think I could do both. After all they're still my family, I don't want to appear rude. But I'd rather not appear at all.

 

[Richard Channing]

Have you considered faking your own death? Or is that a bit extreme?

 

[Willie Oleson]

No, but I could fake my own kidnapping, pay myself a fortune to release me, and become super-rich in the process (because of the fortune).
Brilliant idea!

 

[Alexis]

Have you considered faking your own death? Or is that a bit extreme?

I mean failing that, putting a little electricity in the 7up would be your best bet. It doesn't really matter what it is, vodka, gin, whisky? Splash a little of that in your 7ups and see the fun fly. You'll be the life and soul of the party and the one that EVERYONE will remember.

 

[Daniel Avery]

I could fake my own kidnapping, pay myself a fortune to release me, and become super-rich in the process (because of the fortune).

Get them to pay the fortune to release you, then use the money to fake a DNA test to say you're not part of their family--thus, they've paid for your excuse to never attend again!

 

[Willie Oleson]

fake a DNA test

That's a very tricky thing to do these days. One of my enemies could tamper with the fake results (cue mysterious leather-gloved hand) and Lord knows what that will "prove".

 

[Angela Channing]

Will there be any children there? What I often do is play a ball game with the children in the garden and leave the rest of the family to chat about things that don't particularly interest me. That will be good for at least an hour.

You could also arrange family group photos and spend a long time setting it up, organising who stands and who sits and where. Then do individual photos of everyone doing something that they particularly enjoy or is associated with them. That will get you involved with everybody without having to be part of group or individual conversations. Upload the photos to a memory stick and play them all back on a laptop or TV screen to show everyone. Overall you could get at least about 2 hours out of that depending on how many are at your reunion.