Monogamy?

Richard Channing

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Is it natural? Do you believe in it? Do you practice it?

Is it the ideal that all relationships should strive for? A bi-product of being in love.....For as long as you feel like you're in love at least? Or even when you don't?

Or maybe it's right for some and not for others? Or is it something we impose on each other as a result of deep seated insecurities? Is it something most people pretend to want cause they know acting otherwise could cost them their relationship?


Where do you stand on monogamy?



This 20 min doc from Netflix 'Explained' series raises some interesting points.
 

Snarky's Ghost

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Most people seem to see monogamy as being right for their partner, not necessarily for themselves.

For many people. monogamy (even if it's unfairly unilateral) is a terribly important issue, perhaps the most important.

Then there's me -- who doesn't care about it at all.

 

Michael Torrance

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Monogamy is the mythic equivalent of Santa Claus for adults.
 

TJames03

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No, I don’t practice it because it is not normal for a human to be monogamous.
 

Emelee

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I think preferring monogamy is a bit like being heterosexual. Most people prefer this, but a certain % of people do not. Who's to say what's right and wrong? In my opinion, no alternative to who you want to spend your life with can be right or wrong.

I think the reason why most people are in monogamous relationships is that you tend to be in love with only one person at the time. Therefore, you are with that person as long as you love him or her, or as long as you want to live with said person. For some, it lasts a lifetime. For many others, it does not. And I hate the idea that you can't ever end a relationship because of what someone else says is right or wrong. Being forced to stay in an unhappy relationship is just devastating. Who wins?

As long as it doesn't cause injury to others, who cares how you live your life? Live with 10 other people if you want.
 

Angela Channing

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People should do what makes them happy as long as they are not hurting anyone. If you're in a monogamous relationship then you should respect that as doing otherwise could hurt your partner. If within a relationship both partners are OK with the other person having relations with someone else then that's great too.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be in an open relationship because I like the idea of having everything you want with one person.
 

Michael Torrance

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Personally, I wouldn't want to be in an open relationship because I like the idea of having everything you want with one person.
It is an issue of belief. If one believes that is possible, then good for them.
I don't think I would ever be able to choose just one friend if someone said "you can't have any others." I am satisfying different emotional/cognitive/experiential needs with each. And that is just for friends. So to limit it so to a partner, who is supposed to give you even more, doesn't work for me. Not that I ever cheated/would cheat on someone, I just never thought one relationship would last forever and ever.
 

Alexis

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I believe in monogamy. I just do. That's probably why I have never been in a long term relationship.
 
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Willie Oleson

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Personally, I wouldn't want to be in an open relationship because I like the idea of having everything you want with one person
Maybe I'm hopelessly romantic but that's how I see it too.
Therefore, you are with that person as long as you love him or her, or as long as you want to live with said person. For some, it lasts a lifetime. For many others, it does not
I understand that there are many good reasons why people divorce, but based on the idea of simply "falling out of love" then I think some people are taking relationships for granted.
"I'm bored with this toy, I want a new one".
You don't say "I'll marry you...for the time being". The commitment shouldn't feel like a punishment, it should feel like a gift.

There are so many singles who desperately want to have that special relationship, and once they got it they want more. Have their wedding cake and eat it too.
Greedy, selfish sluts.

I don't think I would ever be able to choose just one friend if someone said "you can't have any others."
Friends (as in: not partners) is a different situation, I think.
 

Alexis

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I understand that there are many good reasons why people divorce, but based on the idea of simply "falling out of love" then I think some people are taking relationships for granted.
"I'm bored with this toy, I want a new one".
You don't say "I'll marry you...for the time being". The commitment shouldn't feel like a punishment, it should feel like a gift.
Sable Colby is that you?
 

Alexis

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That seems to be increasingly the case. The culture has changed -- I'm not sure if that's particularly good or bad or both or neither.
Oh it's bad. I'd like to be in a long term relationship, but not with a slut. I have too much self value for that.
 

thomaswak

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Polyamory is the new monogamy. Just kidding.

Actually, I don't care. To each is own. People who want monogamy relation should stick to it. And not cheat on each others. And be loyal.
People who want a loyal monogamy relation, when they're sluts inside, really annoy me. If you're a slut, don't drag someone else in your "monogamy lies". Don't promise a long term relation if you're not able to say loyal. Don't to the crime if you can't do the time.

People who want open relations should say so till day 1, and not lie about it. At least your partner will accept it or not.
I have never been in a monogamy relation, and surely never will. Maybe I am a slut. But at least I am not a cheater.
 

Willie Oleson

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People who want open relations should say so till day 1
Technically speaking I agree with you, but on the other hand it also feels a bit like a prenup.
Or maybe like, "You can have me but not all of me. In fact, I'm already thinking about someone else right now".

Do we prefer a romantic lie or the harsh truth?
 

Kenny Coyote

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I believe in monogamy. If you love someone, truly love someone, the idea of sleeping with someone else is very unappealing because you'd be tarnishing the quality of the relationship you value so much.

Trying to understand someone who doesn't believe in monogamy, I've gotta think they consider sex a type of entertainment rather than the deepest expression of love. Maybe not everyone has the capacity to love. If you do have that capacity and you've experienced true love I don't know how you could ever settle for anything less than that.
 

thomaswak

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I never experienced True love, and hopefully I will never experience it.
I would not even be able to eat everyday the same meal, even if I adore it...
So many things to taste, to live, to enjoy... Maybe I am just vain. But at least I don't pretend.
 

Michael Torrance

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I never experienced True love, and hopefully I will never experience it.
I would not even be able to eat everyday the same meal, even if I adore it...
So many things to taste, to live, to enjoy... Maybe I am just vain. But at least I don't pretend.
How can you say that? When there is Nutella? And it has different compositions based on which country's factory it comes from, so you can eat a different one each day of the week and still eat Nutella daily.
It's like...I don't know. Sometimes I despair with humanity...
 
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