Who called who what and when

[James from London]

Previously on "Who called who what and when":

Dec 79. Karen calls her family the neighbourhood Brady Bunch. Richard calls his house phoney Tudor. Richard calls Knots Landing Motors the fastest growing dealership in the southland. Richard calls Sid an upwardly mobile grease monkey. Richard calls Ginger the closest thing to perfection in Knots Landing. Val calls Knots Landing no place to start over. Gary calls Knots Landing his last chance not to run. Gary calls Val suffocating. Annie calls Karen the wicked stepmother. Annie calls Kenny Captain Courageous. Karen calls Kenny very handsome. Richard calls Kenny Ginger's hubby, born and raised on a surfboard. Annie slaps Sid. Sid slaps Annie. Annie breaks a mirror. Val goes for her first ever paddle.

Jan 80. JR calls Knots Landing just so pretty. JR calls Val his favourite sister-in-law. JR calls Gary the Ewing with the integrity. Val calls her and Gary's house the nicest house she's ever lived in. JR calls Val and Gary's house a gift from his mama. Lilimae calls herself Val's mama, fit as a fiddle and a fiery one. Lilimae calls the auto harp her constant companion. Lilimae calls Gary a handsome husband. Val calls Gary much more careful than she is. Diana calls herself more artistic than Karen is. Diana calls the transportation of nuclear waste dangerous. Karen calls hitchhiking dangerous. Karen calls Laura impossible. Karen calls Sid blasé. Sid calls Laura wounded. Val calls Laura her best friend. Val calls Sid and Karen solid. Laura calls Val and Gary china dolls. Laura calls herself numb, trapped and lonely. Laura calls Richard a good lawyer, lonely and a loner. Richard calls Marine Land cold and wet. Richard calls duck a l'orange awfully sweet. Richard calls himself a much better loser than he is a winner and a klutz. Gary calls himself a loser, a gambler and a drunk. JR calls himself an oilman environmentalist. Karen calls herself a wife, a mother, a college grad, a bleeding heart, a defender of noble causes, pushy, ambivalent and Mata Hari. JR calls Karen the pretty lady next door and a fine looking woman. Karen calls JR a big Texas oilman and bigger than life. Karen calls Val a born envelope-stuffer. Val calls Karen a friend of the Earth, a friend of the zoo and a friend of a lot of things. Laura calls Val's fritters wonderful. Laura calls David cute. Karen calls Lucy cute. Diana calls Lucy a Kewpie doll. JR calls Lucy a weapon. Richard calls Lucy a nifty little blonde. Kenny calls Lucy Miss Dallas. Kenny calls Cosmic Steeple big business. Gary calls Cosmic Steeple a bunch of freaks. Gary calls the Knots Landing rapist a creep. Ginger calls the Knots Landing rapist a creep. Richard calls Ginger and Kenny's house party an important part of the contemporary American scene. Sid calls Ginger and Kenny's house party the fall of Rome. Sylvie calls Kenny sneaky and a swinger. Kenny calls Sylvie sensational. Kenny calls Gary nuts. Michael calls Eric nuts. Michael calls Sarah Kolker ripe. Eric calls Sarah Kolker too clutchy. David calls peanut butter one of the most sublimely serious subjects there is. Karen calls rape a terrible distortion of something that should be tender and private. Karen calls lovemaking between a man and a woman a very very beautiful thing. Richard flushes Lilimae's lemon mousse down the bog.

Feb 80. Susan calls the Fairgates middle class and stylish. Gary calls Val intelligent and smart. Val calls herself a dunce and a dumbbell. Val calls Manifest Destiny the idea that the United States was entitled by divine right to expand anywhere in North America. Arthur calls jazz the only art form to originate in America. Arthur calls entomology his first love. Ginger calls Arthur weird. Kenny calls Arthur a jerk. Diana calls Michael a hero. Kenny calls Michael a hero and a champ. Susan calls Sid strong, handsome and utterly unacceptable to her mother. Sid calls Susan an important part of his life, more beautiful than ever and bad news. Sid calls Alien a bad guy. Karen calls Sid incorrigible. Karen calls Susan a formidable adversary and utterly devoid of decency. Susan calls Richard a transparent little man. Richard calls himself a monster. Karen calls herself prosaic and a realist. Laura calls Ginger progressive. Ginger calls Captain Furillo from Hill Street Blues a bastard. Ginger calls her potholder crummy. Laura calls the Knots Landing biker gang creeps. Sid calls the Knots Landing biker gang thugs. Music calls the Knots Landing biker gang animals. Kenny calls the Knots Landing biker gang a bunch of fun loving guys on a romp. Karen slaps Alien. Biker Chick No. 2 slaps Richard. Alien pulls his trousers down.

Mar 80. Eric calls Close Encounters better than Star Wars. Ginger calls Eric kind of shy. Karen calls Eric self assured and suave. Karen calls Gary a true Texas Ewing. Karen calls Val The Little Engine That Could. Karen calls herself 37 years old, pregnant and incomplete. Karen calls the world dirty, running out of resources and full of injustice. Diana calls Karen too old to raise a family but not too old to get pregnant. Ginger calls Diana too old for a mother-daughter chat, too young for a woman-to-woman talk. Ginger calls herself too tired and too angry to think straight. Ginger calls Kenny cruel. Kenny calls Sylvie a product to be packaged and sold. Kenny calls basketball the great American equaliser. Gary calls the martini lunch an American institution. Gary calls Richard a bad lawyer and not much of a drinker. Richard calls himself a half decent lawyer, a passable husband and a champion champagne opener-upper. Richard calls Sid, Gary and Kenny ordinary but they don't seem to mind. Richard calls Sid a peasant. Richard calls Kenny Mr Nastase. Richard calls Gary Mr Borg. Gary calls Laura Mrs Xavier Avery III. Val calls Gary Mr Executive, Mr Vice President, a beautiful husband and an alcoholic. Black Man No. 1 calls Gary a fancy dude. Black Man No. 2 calls Gary a real comedian and not your ordinary rummy. Sid calls Gary blond, good looking and frightening when he's drunk. Gary calls himself a cripple, a rummy and an alcoholic. Gary calls Dr Kramer a lady shrink. Dr Kramer calls Gary detoxified and edgy. Dr Kramer calls alcoholism a disease. Kahil calls the people at AA great. Ginger trashes Kenny's DBX 3000. Gary goes apeshit with a pool cue. Jason watches The Muppet Show.

Nov 80. Eric calls Pam a tramp. Karen calls Pam a media hero. Richard calls Pam a slut, a liar and a cute little teenybopper with great legs and a nice little ... Pam calls Diana a pampered little wimp. Pam calls Sid a meanie and sick. Richard calls Sid a boy scout, a saint and a sanctimonious self righteous creep. Abby calls Sid a moralist. Abby calls Kenny very very cute. Ginger calls herself and Kenny separated. Ginger calls divorce an epidemic. Laura calls real estate exciting. Laura calls Abby charming. Richard calls Brian musical. Richard calls Karen a challenge. Richard calls law a discipline of the possible. Richard calls Gary a rum pot. Richard calls himself Pancho Sanchez to Sid's Don Quixote. Helen Hunt calls Sid the nicest father of all her friends. Conchata Ferrell calls Sid a pervert, guilty as sin and Mr What's-His-Gate. Karen calls herself and Sid dead.

Dec 80. Karen calls Gary too tall. Earl calls Gary a sadist. Gary calls Kristin his sister-in-law's sister, his sister-in-law-in-law and his sister-in-law squared. Val calls Kristin a troubled girl. Val calls Moby Dick about a whale. Ginger calls Val part jackrabbit. Brian calls Olivia a scaredy cat. Sid calls Michael a little monkey. Abby calls Super Crunchy Crispy Chicken all dried out and Crunchy Crispy Chicken more batter than chicken. Richard calls Abby a Chick-O-Rama aficionado. Abby calls Richard a big baby and a big shot. Richard calls himself a little over-exuberant. Scooter calls Richard a maniac. Scooter calls himself Laura's sensei. Scooter calls Laura a natural, a whiz kid and the best thing that's ever happened to him. Richard calls Brian Dennehy one of the most powerful and prestigious lawyers in the country. Dr Kramer calls alcoholism a family disease. Judy calls Earl a weepy maudlin drunk and a very compulsive man. Earl calls AA dumb, phoney and sanctimonious. Earl calls California a haven for the insincere. Charlie Flagg calls California a smog-filled godforsaken state. Brian Dennehy calls the California Coastal Commission not just another bunch of daisy-throwing environmental flakes. Richard calls Chicago a toddling town. Scooter calls his wife a Cape Cod Modern freak. Karen calls Linda a lady mechanic. Sid calls Linda a lady repairman and a female grease monkey. Abby calls herself and Jeff not sexually compatible. Val calls herself an old lady. Karen calls Val's new dishes beautiful. Judy calls Val's new dishes really beautiful. Earl smashes Val's new dishes then throws up over Gary.

Jan 81. Karen calls Richard an ass. Abby calls Richard an octopus. Karen calls Abby a receptive grabee. JR calls Abby wickedly clever, unusually attractive and the most delicious conniver it's been his pleasure to encounter. Abby calls JR a very astute man. Val calls JR a vile evil man. JR calls Val a royal pain and a wimp. JR calls Lucy's boyfriends the strangest bunch of human beings this side of New York City. Gary calls JR a goon. Gary calls Frank and Roy gorillas. Roy calls Gary a bright boy. JR calls Gary a clever boy. Earl calls Gary an urban cowboy. Gary calls himself a simple country boy. Laura calls herself Richard's whipping boy. Richard calls Judy a very sexy-sounding woman. Gary calls Judy a neurotic wife. Judy calls herself an unfaithful wife. Abby calls Judy the complete antithesis of Val and a tough cookie. Abby calls Val Gary's little country girl. Abby calls Judy, Val and Gary a classic triangle. Gary calls pork veal. Kenny calls Kristin a terrible mistake. Ginger calls herself pregnant and confused. Michael calls himself bored and confused. Olivia calls Michael a big nerd. Woman Behind Desk calls Michael an unruly kid with a zero attention span. Dr Karl calls Michael hyperkenetic. Dr Karl calls himself not much of an exorcist. Richard calls himself a gurgling specialist. Earl calls himself an incoherent falling-down drunk. Linda calls herself and Sid a pretty good team. Karen calls Linda a siren in overalls. Karen calls Diana drunk and a liar. Eric calls Diana the Queen of Sheba. Ginger slaps Kenny. Val slaps Gary. Earl punches Judy.

Feb 81. Karen calls Sid a saintly man. Abby calls Richard a poor pathetic man. Sid calls Richard an over-handy handyman. Richard calls himself a lousy loser. Laura calls Richard a fool. Richard calls Laura condescending, patronising and a woman on her way to the top. Abby calls Laura helpless, teary-eyed and full of herself. Laura calls Abby a slut. Karen calls Abby a handful, a witch and Lady Macbeth. Abby calls Jeff predictable, disgusting and a jerk. Abby calls Linda head over heels crazy about Sid. Karen calls Linda a shy self conscious rather adorable girl who was put under a lot of pressure. Abby calls Karen out of her mind. Karen calls chocolate eclairs a tragic discovery. Cal calls Karen a bigmouth. Cal calls Abby a pretty lady. Abby calls Cal kind of cute and a little creep. Rose calls Cal an idiot. Rose calls Kenny a nut. Richard calls Rose, Cal and Donny maniacs. Ginger calls herself a little nauseous. Val calls Ginger a little mother. Dr Harper calls Val's growth malignant. Gary calls malignant the loudest word he ever heard. Olivia calls her rabbit Rita. Olivia calls Brian stupid. Mr Maddox calls custody hearings nasty, cruel and humiliating. Laura lamps Abby. Abby slaps Jeff. Cal clouts Karen. Gary decks Dick.

Mar 81. Kenny calls Eric a hero. Ginger's mother calls Eric a killer. Karen calls Eric dazed, confused and a mature human being. Karen calls herself Mrs Sid. Karen calls Roy Frank. Roy calls Sid more conservative than the Boy Scouts. Abby calls Sid a Sunday school teacher when it comes to business. Sid calls Laura's roast beef delicious. Scooter calls Laura the best salesperson in the office. Scooter calls himself Henry Higgins. Sylvia calls Scooter a vigorous vital man and a blatant flirt. Earl calls himself a decent man about to commit an indecent act and one of the few people in Southern California who has written something more creative than a licence plate. Earl calls Val's short story a rehashing of the most outdated cliches and puerile. Val calls Brian Louis Armstrong. Val calls herself numb and so angry she can barely bring herself to look at Gary. Sid calls Gary his best friend. Abby calls Gary stupid. Olivia calls Ada Bixby a stupid baby. Olivia calls Jeff very insecure. Abby calls Jeff crazy and irrational. JR calls himself a weary traveller. Sid calls JR a character. Gary calls JR double dealing, crooked and corrupt. JR calls kidnapping a very serious accusation. Diana calls marijuana not addictive like cigarettes or drinking. Sid goes off a cliff.

Nov 81. Karen calls Jeff a creep. Richard calls Jeff a creep. Richard calls Abby a mess. Abby calls Jeff a great accountant and a lousy husband. Abby calls Dr Akura inexperienced and awfully young. Dr Akura calls Sid critical but stable, paralysed and comatose. Sid calls himself high as a kite. Sid calls his family the most important thing in his life. Karen calls Knots Landing Motors Sid's second home. Diana calls Sid's death the worst thing that ever happened to any of us. Kenny calls Erin Molly the most beautiful baby in the place by far. Gary calls himself the last person Karen wants to see. Richard calls Karen the Rock of Gibraltar. Eric calls Karen one of those ladies they saw in that movie where they're all robots. Diana calls Eric hopelessly inept. Karen calls Michael a noodge.

Dec 81. Olivia calls Abby no spring chicken. Abby calls herself a rotten wife and a good mother. Jeff calls Abby an immoral self indulgent mother. Karen calls Abby vengeful, vindictive and malicious. Gary calls Abby Lucretia Borgia and a troublemaker. Gary calls Lilimae a little country Peter Pan. Lilimae calls Gary skinny as an alley cat. Lilimae calls herself fat sassy and curious, a foolish old woman with a dream, and some kind of national hero like an astronaut or one of them Hollywood superstars. Val calls Lilimae a homeless vagrant. Judge Simpson calls shoplifting a desperate cry for help. Val calls herself embarrassed and humiliated. Val calls Erin Molly the sweetest thing in the whole wide world. Mr Parkhurst calls Mr Matsuma one smart fortune cookie. Teddy calls Diana a great kid with a terrific mind. Teddy calls himself Mr Excitement, a rabble rousing leader of the 1960s and a big fan of the Rolling Stones. Brad calls himself a heel but not that much of a heel. Laura calls herself extremely efficient. Richard calls Laura a beautiful broad. Muriel calls F Scott Fitzgerald dead.

Jan 82. Karen calls Roy a punk. Roy calls Diana hot one minute, cold the next. Lilimae calls herself hot as a blistered man sitting on a stove. Lilimae calls Jackson a kindred spirit, a gentleman caller and a silver-tongued devil who could talk the worms right out of the ground. Jackson calls Lilimae fortune's child. Val calls Jackson the biggest teller of tales that she has ever met in her life. Lilimae calls Val Sweetpea, Sugar Plum and an old wet hen. Val calls herself a wet blanket. Diana calls herself a slow starter and an enigma. Jackson calls himself a fool for Lilimae's cooking. Lilimae calls herself and Jackson a couple of old fools that got exactly what they deserved. Lilimae calls the quality of loyalty one of the most precious human assets. Lilimae calls forgiveness the hallmark of fine character. Lilimae calls Kenny a big important man. Kenny calls Lilimae dull. Lilimae calls Bill a poor widower. Diana calls Bill a creep. Bill calls Karen easy to talk to. Abby calls Karen very secretive when she wants to be. Richard calls Abby beautiful, sexy and trouble. Laura calls marriage to Richard a living death. Scooter calls Laura long suffering. Laura calls Claire Miflan a filthy rich recluse who surrounded herself with fabulously expensive works of art. Abby calls the Miflan House musty. Ginger calls the Miflan House depressing. Lilimae calls the Miflan House diseased. Val calls the Miflan House lonely. Karen calls the Miflan House haunted. Karen calls Val the least crazy person she knows. Val communes with the dead. Laura slaps Richard.

Feb 82. Karen calls Abby the ugly one. Lilimae calls Val and Ginger a couple of basset hounds. Kenny calls Ginger the next Linda Ronstadt and a mother not a singer. Val calls motherhood the best job in the whole world. Victoria calls motherhood a biological function not a holy calling. Victoria calls Diana much too hip to languish in the suburbs. Victoria calls Karen a housewife in the suburbs, a whizz at organisation and a barracuda when it comes to getting what she wants. Charles calls Karen a real barracuda and a lady he wants to see more of. Karen calls Charles tall, good looking, pompous, square, boring and a drag. Karen calls herself an amoeba under a microscope. Charles calls himself the greatest barbecue cook in the world. Diana calls Victoria the greatest designer in New York and a really neat person too. Victoria calls her dresses classics that never go out of style and an investment like a diamond to treasure forever. Karen calls Victoria a dope.

Mar 82. Lilimae calls Val an artist at work. Rusty calls Val an old friend. Abby calls Val a friend who's worked very hard and very long to realise a dream. Val calls Rusty a friend at a time when she needed friends. Cricket calls Rusty a no good rat and a big fat liar. Rusty calls Cricket tougher than buffalo steak and a real little homemaker. Lilimae calls Cricket a little hellion. Gary calls Cricket a little thief. Val calls Cricket a poor little girl who doesn't have anybody in the world to defend her, a scared little girl and a terrific little girl. Abby calls Cricket sick and a menace. Abby calls herself starstruck and a threat to Henry's inheritance. Andrew calls Henry Erich von Stroheim. Gary calls Andrew a crabby old guy. Andrew calls himself a senile old fool. Rusty calls himself a bum. Lilimae calls herself a sneak. Laura calls herself pregnant. Larry calls himself a 42 year old engineer who travels a lot. Larry calls Abby quite a woman. Karen calls Larry a cute guy. Karen calls Marsha Gunga Din. Karen calls Joe incorrigible. Joe calls Val's story fast moving and spicy. Abby calls Val's story a thinly disguised exposé of dirty dealings in the Ewing family. Abby calls Joe a typical professor and a lot like Karen. Richard calls Karen a street corner shrink. Laura calls herself and Richard two hostile people treating each other cruelly and ignoring one another. Laura calls her life a complicated and confusing mess.

Apr 82. Lilimae calls the Ewings scoundrels and scallywags. Olivia calls Mount Palomar the biggest telescope in the country. Nicholas calls himself the Universal Soldier. Marni calls herself a very good listener. Larry calls himself an incredibly good guy. Abby calls herself an exciting woman. Abby calls single men a vanishing breed. Abby calls Under Milk Wood good for the soul. Michael calls Under Milk Wood dumb. Michael calls Eric a hotshot. Lorraine calls herself a hotshot lawyer. Richard calls himself a good lawyer, a chump and a pimp. Laura calls herself damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. Diana calls herself a ham. Joe calls himself an ass. Joe calls Val a published author. Karen calls Val a famous prize-winning novelist. Abby calls Val petty, jealous and a crutch. Willie calls Val a real pretty gal, one classy lady and more ornery than a wounded grizzly. Laura calls Val crazy. Laura calls Gary crazy. Laura calls Richard crazy. Karen calls Jason crazy about Richard. Karen calls Richard sick. Joe calls Karen Richard's only friend, Bulldog Drummond and not Sid Fairgate's wife anymore. Mr Parkhurst calls Richard a sacrificial lamb. Gary calls Richard stupid. Richard calls Marni a stupid hooker. Richard calls the Avery house a tomb. Richard calls Laura a drag. Ginger calls Kenny a stick in the mud. Lorraine calls the New York Philharmonic boring. Kenny calls all clarinet players lunatics. Nicholas calls all of us china dolls.

May 82. Lilimae calls Val depressed. Lilimae calls herself obsessed. Lilimae calls Gary the blond kid. Abby calls herself and Gary made for each other. Abby calls Val a manipulator and a jailer. Neal calls Val Little Nell from the country. Val calls Capricorn Crude a stupid title for a book. Val calls the cover of Capricorn Crude lurid, cheap, vulgar and disgusting. Joe calls Capricorn Crude a low priority first novel. Joe calls himself an obscure teacher. Diana calls Olivia Makarova.

Sept 82. Gary calls himself a leper. Mack calls himself a federal prosecutor. Mack calls Roy and Frank persona non grata. Karen calls Mack a creep, a messenger boy and a bureaucrat. Richard calls Mack a US attorney not some postal clerk. Karen calls Wayne the best mechanic in town. Abby calls Val the other woman. Abby calls the cul-de-sac a goldfish bowl. Lilimae calls Rusty's ranch real pretty.

Oct 82. Chip calls himself young and pretty. Bess calls herself old and haggard. Bess calls Val a ninth grade dropout and a deserted wife. Bess calls the Ewings one of the most notorious families in the country. Lilimae calls the Ewings the bane of her and Val's life. Val calls Hilda a hateful woman. Chip calls Val a woman of great intelligence and sensitivity. Chip calls Diana's bod fantastic. JR calls Abby the best looking thing on two legs outside of Dallas. Abby calls JR a million laughs. Bobby calls Gary a guy that just inherited ten million dollars. JR calls Gary susceptible. Gary calls JR incredible. Chip calls Lilimae unbelievable. Lilimae calls Val an ostrich. Andy calls Ciji a golden songbird. Kenny calls Andy a third rate pipsqueak turkey. Ginger calls Ciji Kenny's new protege. Bess calls Chip Svengali. Lilimae calls herself Elizabeth Taylor. Val calls herself no Zsa Zsa Gabor. Karen calls herself a nice lady with three kids, a house and a business to run, not Michael Corleone. Mack calls Karen obstinate, too dumb to know when to stop and a hard headed lady who thinks she can handle anything. Karen calls Val a very good friend of hers. Chip calls Mike Douglas an old friend of his. Mike Douglas calls Zsa Zsa Gabor very beautiful and delightful. Zsa Zsa Gabor calls Capricorn Crude a very wicked book. JR calls Capricorn Crude Corn Crude, Crude Porn and Corn Pone. JR calls himself Val's favourite brother in law in the whole wide world. JR calls Val a little rascal and a real life celebrity. Val calls JR disgusting. JR calls Seaview Circle a nice friendly little neighbourhood. Richard calls Seaview Circle a war zone. Richard calls his son Daniel. Laura calls Daniel nine pounds three ounces. Lilimae calls Daniel the darlingest thing. Ginger calls Mack darling. Diana calls Mack judgemental. Mack calls Diana perfect in every way. Joe calls Mack a creep. Mack calls Joe a creep. Mack calls guys who break the law creeps. Mack calls Chip a creep and a shlub. Mack calls Wayne the shlub who got paid to let the brake fluid out of Sid's car.

Nov 82. Karen calls herself an anachronism. Gary calls himself a millionaire. Abby calls money power. Abby calls Ciji an important investment. Chip calls Ciji a hot property. Karen calls Ciji sensational. Lilimae calls Ciji a vision. Lilimae calls Chip a crackerjack publicist. Lilimae calls Kenny destined for success. Ginger calls Kenny obsessed. Kenny calls Ginger jealous. Kenny calls Gary and Abby's house a regular Taj Mahal by the beach. Abby calls Richard's restaurant the Court of Versailles. Mack calls fishing contemplative, meditative and good for the soul. Karen calls camping a euphemism for something else. Joe calls Karen irrational, erratic, elated and depressed. Diana calls Mack arrogant, crude, bossy and a jerk. Mack calls Diana a jerk. Mack calls Chip a jerk. Chip calls Diana the perfect girl, a wet piece of lettuce and just a vehicle for him and Ciji. Ciji calls Diana Little Miss Teen Queen. Ciji calls Chip pretty sure of himself. Karen calls Mack pretty sure of himself and an arrogant conceited insensitive man. Karen calls Diana the world’s youngest bag lady. Mack calls Karen a rookie.

Dec 82. Dr Rosen calls Diana anaemic. Diana calls Eric a turkey. Diana calls kissing her favourite form of relaxation. Karen calls No Coward Soul Is Mine her favourite poem. Dr Gilbert calls chronic dialysis a miracle of modern science. Laura calls Now, Voyager a three hankie movie. Laura calls her marriage to Richard the neighbourhood joke. Ciji calls Laura smart, beautiful and funny. Ciji calls herself a closet wife and mother. Abby calls Karen an overprotective mother. Abby and Gary call Ciji their musical investment. Chip calls Gary and Kenny stumbling blocks. Chip calls Jeff the undisputed chief mogul of the music business. Kenny calls Jeff the kind of guy who wants to take over. Abby calls Kenny paranoid. Olivia calls Abby and Gary volatile. Gary calls Ciji crazy. Chip calls himself crazy about Ciji. Ciji calls Chip cold. Val calls Chip cocky. Val calls Mack unpredictable. Karen calls Mack incomprehensible. Mack calls Pete an old codger and a bastard. Pete calls himself a feeble dying old man. Abby calls herself wicked, selfish and a suitable donor. Val calls Abby a hero.

Jan 83. Mack calls Global Gossip a sleazy rag. Chip calls Global Gossip a scandal sheet. Ciji calls Global Gossip a sleazy scandal sheet. Mr Thornwell calls Global Gossip a cheap tabloid. Mr Thornwell calls Chip a promising young executive. Teddy calls Chip a young man very much on the rise. Lilimae calls Chip a young man with real integrity. Diana calls Chip a tease. Chip calls Diana a goose. Chip calls Ciji a big Gary Ewing fan. Gary calls himself Ciji's number one fan and an alcoholic. Gary calls alcoholism an illness. Kenny calls Gary a weak spoiled coward who never stands up for anyone or anything. Lilimae calls Gary a weak common deadbeat, a snake in the grass and a rat. Val calls Gary a greedy child grabbing for candy. Karen calls Gary the one love of Val's life. Mack calls Val a hick. Jeff calls Val special and significant. Kenny calls Jeff a big time producer. Jim Westmont calls Jeff one of the most honest men in the recording industry. Mack calls Jeff a wise guy. Diana calls Mack a great guy. Abby calls Gary a decent guy and a drunk. Abby calls Kenny a talented guy and a manipulator. Abby calls herself a pragmatist. Ciji calls herself pregnant and the next big whomever. Ginger calls herself a connoisseuress when it comes to caviar. Mack calls himself a one proposal kind of guy and an attorney who found out a long time ago that talking's fine but laws need teeth in them. Mack calls Karen a pretty strong minded woman. Ginger calls Ciji the most conniving woman she's ever met. Ciji calls Laura the only person she can turn to. Chip calls Lilimae and Val the only family he's ever known.

Feb 83. Mack calls himself He Man, Mahatma Gandhi and the new kid on the block. Karen calls Mack Sid. Karen calls herself an expert on Picasso. Ciji calls herself a valuable piece of property. Abby calls Ciji a piece of meat. Chip calls Ciji a knucklehead, a nobody, ruthless and scheming. Laura calls Ciji twenty-six and a scapegoat. Gary calls Ciji good for a laugh and dead. Lilimae calls Gary bad medicine. Lilimae calls camomile tea balm for hurt minds. Lilimae calls Ciji a poor beautiful girl. The man on the radio calls Ciji a rising talent in the recording industry and the victim of an accidental drowning. Richard calls his restaurant Santa Ciji. Ciji's mother calls Ciji a tramp. Ciji calls Chip Tony. Diana calls Chip a whizz. Karen calls Chip a pretty good hustler. Chip calls Gary a drunk. Abby calls Gary a stupid drunk. Gary calls himself a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and a drunk. Lieutenant Morrison calls Gary a rummy. Mack calls Gary a guy who's obviously in a lot of pain. Susie calls Gary a mess. Chip calls Val a mess. Chip calls Dina Benson some rich old lady used to getting everything she wants. Kenny calls himself a jerk. Ginger calls Kenny obstinate and a jerk. Kenny calls Ginger a sensational lover and one hot singer. Karen calls Mitch Casey the best criminal lawyer there is. Mack calls Janet Baines a homicide cop.

Mar 83. Mack calls Gary his own worst enemy. Morrison calls Gary a no good lousy husband. Kenny calls Gary a toad, a jackass and a hard nose. Janet calls Gary a guy who got arrested two weeks ago for being drunk, a guy who two years ago got involved in a case with gangsters that cost his boss his life and a drunk who left his wife for one lady then got involved with another lady who's now dead. Laura calls Richard a man who held his pregnant wife and son at gunpoint for seventeen hours and a murderer. Val calls Gary an innocent man and a part of her. Chip calls Val the sweetest, the kindest, the gentlest, the most innocent person he knows. Mack calls Val famous. Abby calls Val crazy. Lilimae calls Val half out of her mind. Lilimae calls Abby the guilty one. Karen calls Abby too smart to kill. Karen calls New York a terrific city and a great place for someone of Diana's spirit and talent. Karen calls Chip a jerk and a schlub. Chip calls Lilimae a butterfly. Lilimae calls herself a foolish woman, blinded by flattery and lies. Lilimae calls Ron Mackey a funny little man.

 

[James from London]

Sep 83. Val calls Lucy happy. Abby calls JR powerful. Laura calls Gary innocent. Mitch calls Gary's confession no more than an admission by Mr Ewing that he cannot remember what happened that night. Janet calls Mitch a brilliant lawyer. Mack calls Chip a killer. Karen calls the green beans overcooked.

Oct 83. Chip calls Diana his hostage. Diana calls Chip her husband. Diana calls herself Mrs Tony Fenice. Abby calls herself Mrs Gary Ewing. Chip calls himself and Diana trapped. Greg calls himself and Karen liberals. Karen calls Chip a guy who killed someone. Karen calls Diana somebody she carried in her body and fed from her body and raised and nourished for years and years and months and days. Karen calls Lilimae and Laura both a lot stupider than they've been acting and that's pretty stupid. Karen calls herself a thoughtless fool who shouldn't be listened to. Val calls Karen just about the strongest person she knows. Greg calls Karen an obsessed woman, a Knots Landing do-gooder and one terrific citizen. Greg calls Mack a witty guy. Janet calls Richard a poor unloved guy who just couldn't cope. Laura calls Richard a suspect. Abby calls Laura a very special person. Abby calls herself a fast worker. Gary calls himself a pretty lucky man. Laura calls Gary's ranch the most fantastic place she's ever sold. Gary calls Laura an expert. Gary calls Abby exciting, unpredictable and human. Mack calls Janet human. Janet calls Gary a millionaire drunk. Abby calls Gary the boss. Gary calls Greg an environmentalist. Ben calls Greg an uncompromising idealist. Ben calls a femur a sacred Tibetan trumpet used by monks for their religious ceremonies. Val calls Ben a newsman. Lilimae calls Ben a newsman who lied to Val to try to get a story. Lilimae calls Chip a real troublemaker.

Nov 83. Jim calls Greg untouchable. Greg calls Mack intractable. Chip calls himself immortal. Karen calls herself irritable, insensitive, self-centred and rotten. Chip calls Karen Mom. Lilimae calls Chip a killer. Abby calls Lilimae a batty little old lady and a killer. Greg calls Abby nuts, dangerous, gorgeous and very good at making promises but a little weak on the delivery. Abby calls Greg a politician on the rise. Abby calls herself a businesswoman on the rise and the happiest woman in the whole world. Karen calls Greg one of the most thoughtful men she's ever met. Mack calls Tom the best legal mind in California. Greg calls Malibu as safe as it's ever been. Greg calls Pacific Palisades a different story entirely. Greg calls Mary Frances the love of his life. Mary Frances calls herself a chip off the old block. Ben calls himself a lousy cook, an outsider, a world traveller and Superman. Laura calls herself a real pill. Abby calls herself and Gary millionaires a hundred times over. Greg calls Gary wealthy enough for all of us and a walking tragedy. Cathy calls Gary weird and a nutcase. Ben calls Betsy the Dog a child of the universe.

Dec 83. Mack calls Mary Frances a pistol. Mary Frances calls punk rockers disreputable. Mary Frances calls Eric the least romantic boy she's ever known. Mary Frances calls herself an expert on Greg Sumner. Ben calls the crime commission a publicity gimmick to get Greg Sumner elected. Jane calls Greg a child. Greg calls Abby the tops. Abby calls Gary a nutcase. Abby calls Diana grief-stricken. Angie calls Diana just one in a long line of women Chip used and threw away. Angie calls Chip a cheat, a thief, a louse and a liar. Lilimae calls Chip hard and cold to the end. Lilimae calls Aunt Idabelle an old prude. Lilimae calls the violin a difficult instrument. Ben calls Lilimae broadminded and crazy. Mack calls Ben a good journalist and a Laker fan. Mack calls Michael a big baseball fan. Greg calls Mack a street kid from New York. Greg calls Laura a problem. Laura calls Apolune a wholly owned subsidiary of Gary Ewing Enterprises formed with secret funds diverted without Gary's knowledge. Laura calls Greg the man to go to for a variance. Greg calls discretion an important part of politics.

Jan 84. Abby calls Laura a bright girl. Greg calls Laura terribly efficient. Laura calls Greg remarkably selective about which subjects to stonewall. Greg calls himself a cog in a big wheel that's got to keep on turning. Abby calls herself a businesswoman not an arsonist. Ben calls himself an idiot who loves orchids. Mack calls himself the biggest schlub of all. Val calls Lilimae the best heroine since Scarlet O'Hara. Val calls Karen a human being. Karen calls herself a turtle without a shell. Mack calls Karen a raw nerve. Greg calls Mack party to a grave conflict of interest. Mary Frances calls Greg a jerk.

Feb 84. Mack calls Gary Big Daddy. Ray calls Gary a rich cowboy. Ray calls wealthy people the slowest to pay when a bill comes due. Ray calls himself the happiest man in the world. Val calls herself a mess. Ben calls himself a piece in a jigsaw. Greg calls himself a married man running for the United States senate. Greg calls Mack one of the most exemplary public servants this country's ever had. Ray calls Cathy the sweetest breeze that ever blew, a proud princess and nothing but a two bit whore trying to take some guy for all he's worth. Gary calls Cathy a profitable asset to the ranch. Abby calls Diana a tremendous asset to Gary Ewing Enterprises. Greg calls Abby in over her head. Gary calls Abby so damn good it's terrifying. Lilimae calls Abby a hussy. Abby calls Gary human. Gary calls Lilian the one with the perfect posture. Gary calls Margaret the one with the perfect eyes. Olivia calls Harriet the one who bumps into everything. Karen calls Mack a pit-bull.

Mar 84. Mack calls St Claire panicked and desperate. Mack calls Gary murdered and dead. Greg calls Gary a poor schlub. Laura calls Greg a louse. Abby calls Greg a bastard. Abby calls herself and Greg murderers. Morrison calls Cathy a murderer. Morrison calls John Leawood a known murderer, a real pro and a hit man. Mack calls John Leawood a creep. Greg calls Mack a hero. Greg calls the Wolfbridge Group a bunch of tough guys but they're not crazy. Greg calls Abby crazy. Abby calls Mack crazy. Karen calls Mack crazy. Gary calls Mack a little crazy. Gary calls himself a moving target. Laura herself an absolute fool. Ben calls himself an idiot. Ben calls Gary alive. Cathy calls Alaska the land of opportunities.

Oct 84. Joshua calls Nashville Junction a wonderful book. Val's publisher calls Nashville Junction the disappointment of the season. Greg calls Lotus Point a great thing for this district. Greg calls the Wolfbridge Group a threat to the entire state. Greg calls Morrison Morrissey. Greg calls Laura Swami Avery. Greg calls Mack reckless and nuts. Val calls Joshua sweet and kind. Val calls Lilimae cruel. Joshua calls Lilimae his aunt. Lilimae calls herself vicious, wicked, selfish and spiteful. Gary calls Abby the perfect lover.

Nov 84. Mack calls the cul-de-sac a dead end. Mack calls everyone in the cul-de-sac a basket case. Mack calls himself, Ben, Karen and Val a pathetic bunch. Greg calls Mack his guy, the one he can trust. Mack calls himself the last guy in the world you want to talk to about marriage analysis. Mack calls PK Kelly the best thing on the news. Ben calls PK Kelly one of the good guys. PK Kelly calls Ben a diversion, a kindred spirit, a tough nut to crack and a modern man. PK Kelly calls herself a modern woman. Val calls Lilimae a beautiful woman. Nurse Wilson calls Val fully dilated. Val calls Jonathan the sleeping dog you best let lie. Scott Eastern calls himself a lobbyist not a watchdog. Mack calls Ben a sly dog. Greg calls Laura a dirty dog. Joshua calls himself and Cathy dirty. Joshua calls making love a violation of everything. Cathy calls making love the basis of everything. PK Kelly calls unrequited love the old bugaboo. Mack calls Jane nobody's fool. Mack calls Greg famous. Abby calls Greg her ace in the hole and her senator in Washington. Greg calls himself the same man he was before.

Dec 84. Val calls Nashville Junction a terrible mistake. Lilimae calls Gary the continuous thread that runs through Val's life. Gary calls Paul Galveston a shrewd guy but a lot more personable than you'd think. Paul Galveston calls Gary a young fella with fire, a man of intelligence and vision, and the Ewing they'll remember. Paul Galveston calls Karen a spirited lady. Paul Galveston calls Abby a lucky woman. Dr Ackerman calls Abby a very sick person. Abby calls Scott Easton dead. Abby calls herself a little overcautious after what happened with St Claire. Val calls herself flat as a board, a filthy tramp, poor white trash from Tennessee who got Gary in trouble, Verna Ellers and not much for quilting. PK Kelly calls herself a lousy actress. Karen calls herself a klutz.

Jan 85. Gary calls Val very nervous. Karen calls Val very fragile. Val calls Abby the one with the real pretty eyes. Abby calls Empire Valley nothing but a smokescreen. Gary calls Empire Valley the planned community of the future. Paul calls Gary a visionary. Val calls Gary a crazy person. Val calls Parker a crazy person and a little bit loco. Parker calls Gary a fool. Lilimae calls herself a crazy fool. Parker calls himself crazy in love with Val. Karen calls Gary in love with Galveston and this Shangri-La they're building. Gary calls Abby a city girl. Laura calls herself a big girl. Greg calls Mack a big boy. Paul calls Greg laddie. Paul calls Abby cookie. Val calls Abby honey. Val calls Gary cutie. Greg calls Laura cutie, witty and nuts. Parker calls Gary a harmless nutcase. Cathy calls Gary Abby's prize investment. Abby calls Val incurable. Karen calls hospital food inedible. Karen calls death natural. Mack calls fighting death natural. Mack calls Michael a creep. Mack calls the Tidal Basin murders a fascinating case. Greg calls the Tidal Basin murders a dangerous case. Karen calls Paul dangerous and a snake. Ben calls Paul a very powerful man. Laura calls Paul really dangerous and one of the most powerful men in the entire world. Greg calls Paul a bastard and an old man. Paul calls Mack a reasonable man. Abby calls Joshua a very wise and spiritual young man. Greg calls himself a free man and a soon-to-be-inaugurated United States senator.

Feb 85. Greg calls Mahatma Gandhi and Charles de Gaulle good guys. Ben calls Gary a guy that takes over a project and doesn't know anything about it. Val calls Ben fat. Gary calls Val confused. Abby calls her children so confused they don't even ask questions anymore. Gary calls Abby more understanding than anyone has a right to expect. Gary calls Empire Valley a planned community with some light industry. Gary calls Paul a very good friend. Ruth calls Gary a very patient man. Karen calls Dr Michaels a very nice man. Ben calls Kelly's legs very nice. Kelly calls Ben a thief. Mack calls Jamison a creep. Mack calls Parker a louse. Val calls Lilimae a tramp. Lilimae calls Val fragile. Lilimae calls Cathy a sweet girl. Joshua calls Cathy an entertainer. Joshua calls himself a communicator. Lilimae calls Joshua old-fashioned. Paul calls himself old-fashioned enough to think that he ought to be able to shut the door in the face of anybody who comes making demands in a tone that offends him. Paul calls Mack a pain in the butt. Greg calls Paul dead - or at least he's gonna be. Greg calls Abby one crazy lady. Nielson calls Laura an extremely bright lady. Greg calls Nielson a peon. Greg calls Ruth unscrupulous to say the least. Ruth calls photography a funny profession.

Mar 85. Abby calls Empire Valley an electronic Disneyland. Greg calls Empire Valley the biggest real estate development this side of the Mississippi. Coblentz calls Empire Valley the largest most sophisticated intelligence-gathering project in the world. Lilimae calls Cathy the nicest girl in the world. Cathy calls Joshua infuriating. Val calls Joshua cruel. Lilimae calls Val a million miles away and so sensitive to other people's moods. Lilimae calls Senator Buchanan's wife cute. Boots Connors calls Eric's date cute as a button. Eric calls his date Whitney. Mack calls Whitney a nice name. Coblentz calls Mack a real headache. Greg calls Coblentz a sly devil. Greg calls Abby the bride at every hanging, the executioner at every wedding. Greg calls Paul Galveston a tireless and dedicated public servant who had served eight of the last nine presidents with distinction and honour both here and abroad. Ruth calls Greg an inveterate liar and a thoughtless little brat. Mack calls Ruth a beautiful woman but very difficult to get to know. Boots Connors calls Karen a busy woman. Ben calls Karen's preoccupation with Val's babies a little bit morbid. Karen calls Joshua a young man in a hurry. Ruth calls Ben a handsome young man. Ruth calls Gary a charming man as long he confines his talents and his worries to grooming the landscape. Ruth calls Abby a pretty little thing. Abby calls Laura a chatterbox and a vulture. Laura calls Daniel so heavy she cannot believe it.

Apr 85. Gary calls Galveston the old king. Gary calls himself the new king. Ben calls himself a hardboiled reporter. Lilimae calls herself the closest thing to a mother Cathy's got. Lilimae calls Richard a weak and confused man. Lilimae calls Joshua a shy country boy who left home not knowing much about the world outside and a man that people listen to, are drawn to and seek out. Cathy calls Joshua selfish. Joshua calls Cathy childish. Gary calls Cathy's wedding dress something. Abby calls Cathy's wedding dress almost nothing. Mack calls Cathy's wedding dress almost a dress. Reverend Catherine calls marriage one of the highest and holiest duties in human life. Joshua calls Empire Valley one of the most visionary projects of our time. Mack calls Joshua the blushing groom. Mack calls Mitch Ackerman a doctor who loves his work and takes his responsibilities seriously. Mack calls Karen the human lie detector. Karen calls Mack sarcastic. Karen calls her instincts perfectly reliable. Karen calls Eric assistant manager of operations at Lotus Point. Karen calls Whitney adorable. Eric calls Whitney pretty cute. Mack calls Whitney more than cute. Lilimae calls Whitney just as cute as she can be. Lilimae calls Eric old-fashioned. Lilimae calls Laura and Greg really good for each other. Greg calls Ruth a great judge of character. Greg calls Coblentz a former diplomat. Coblentz calls himself an international figure, a global troubleshooter and the confidante of more than a few heads of state. Coblentz calls Ciji's death sad and violent.

May 85. Greg calls Jason a little tyke. Greg calls Abby disturbed. Greg calls Gary obsessed. Coblentz calls Gary a very valuable person. Gary calls working on Empire Valley the most exciting thing he's ever done in his life. Laura calls Ruth one of the cruellest women she has ever met in her life. Greg calls Laura a part of his life. Laura calls Richard her errant husband. Ruth calls Laura weak, a girl scout and an awful woman. Ruth calls Greg a fascinating man, a damn fool, discerning and astute. Jill calls Mack a man whose flaws are seen as virtues, a guy off the streets who can't sleep at night till all the bad guys are put away, stubborn and a hothead. Mack calls Jill good-looking. Mack calls pizza and beer his favourite past time. Mack calls Karen Miss Guilt. Karen calls Val's babies alive. Val calls her new haircut awful and stupid. Val calls herself empty. Nurse Wilson calls herself ashamed, afraid and proud to be a nurse. Laura calls herself great in the sack, an outsider and the abandoned mother of two small boys. Abby calls Laura the Wicked Witch of the West. Ruth calls Abby the daughter that she and Galveston didn't have. Abby calls Joshua a star. Joshua calls Ben hopeless. Ben calls Joshua pious, self-righteous and a sanctimonious little weasel. Ben calls Meredith the best. Meredith calls Dr Ackerman semi-retired, completely colourless and a walking résumé.

Sep 85. Mack calls Harry crazy. Mack calls himself and Ben crazy. Ben calls Harry crazy, a maniac and running scared. Mack calls decency powerful stuff. Mack calls Nurse Wilson the only one who can swear she saw the babies alive. Gary calls Sheila the woman inside the house. Abby calls Gary unbelievable. Abby calls Bobby's death a terrible accident. Greg calls Abby an artist, a classy dame, a wonderfully giving human being and the guardian angel of the year.

Oct 85. Karen calls Mack Mr Bacon & Pancake Mackenzie. Mack calls Karen beautiful. Abby calls the twins beautiful. Lilimae calls the twins the most beautiful grandchildren in all the world. Joshua calls the twins children of Adam, conceived in sin. Val calls the twins Bobby and Betsy. Val calls Bobby's death a shock. Val calls Bobby the only one who ever acted like he was on her side. Mack calls Nurse Wilson the only one who can help him get a restraining order. Mack calls Jill Dracula's sister, the governor's spy and a witness to McIntyre's deposition. Karen calls Jill very pretty, a mere child and a younger her. Karen calls Val a true friend. Karen calls Eric a loyal son. Jill calls Eric and Michael nice boys. Eric calls Jill definitely hot. Jill calls Mack a married man committed to his family, the worst kind of flirt, a very hip street guy and a genuine nerd. Mack calls himself a hard guy to work with and a nerd who likes to work alone without a partner. Jill calls herself a new pair of eyes. Karen calls herself over-analytical. Abby calls herself a good judge of character. Laura calls herself the hottest newest oldest newest real estate agent in town. Tia Carrere calls herself President of the School of Communications Student Council. Peter calls himself the person to help Greg straighten out this mess and run this office properly. Ben calls himself the wrong guy to be talking about Joshua. Ben calls Joshua out of his mind and a prima donna. Abby calls Ben general manager of the station. Abby calls Elliot the chief engineer at Empire Valley. Abby calls Gary an expert in environmental protection. Greg calls Gary a sensitive environmentalist and a lucky husband. Greg calls Elliot that dopey engineer, too honest and a bore. Greg calls Abby Mommy. Abby calls Billy Simpson kind of old-fashioned about things like substance abuse. Abby calls Peter a very clever young man. Mack calls Harry a reasonable man. Karen calls Harry a decent man. Karen calls Sheila a good mother. Lilimae calls Sheila a crazy person. Lilimae calls Wylie a lovely name for a boy.

Nov 85. Linda calls Cathy a star. Joshua calls Cathy a star, a burden, troubled and a drug addict. Lilimae calls Joshua troubled, distraught and a grown man. Cathy calls Joshua a liar and the sweetest man she ever met. Greg calls Laura's the greatest pair of legs he's ever seen. Laura calls Sid the only person she knew who could make the automobile business sound like a mission. Joshua calls Laura a pathetic broken down witch. Joshua calls Mack Mr. Self Righteous Prosecutor. Jill calls Mack glib, dense, awful, hot-headed and inconsiderate. Mack calls Jill crazy and attractive. Mack calls Cavanagh a two-bit baby-stealing lawyer. Greg calls Mack a thorough guy. Greg calls Peter walking proof that a little knowledge is dangerous. Val calls Joshua dangerous, a lunatic and out of control. Val calls Ben the man that she loves, the babies’ father and out of shape. Ben calls Joshua arrogant, self-centred and Reverend Rush. Joshua calls his TV show The Ben Gibson Variety Hour. Ben calls Cathy scared to death. Karen calls Ben a wonderful man. Karen calls Jill the dragon lady. Karen calls Mack inept. Gary calls Mack cynical. Mack calls himself realistic, a terrific-looking dude and very 'ept. Peter calls himself meticulous. Peter calls Greg sloppy. Greg calls Abby a good girl. Gary calls Ben a good man. Abby calls Elliot an intelligent man and a prime candidate for high blood pressure. Gary calls Abby a little naive when it comes to construction. Gary calls Elliot dead.

Dec 85. Greg calls Coblentz the guy who used to teach that one of the things that separated us from the dictators and the tyrants of this world was the value we placed on human life. Joshua calls Cathy his life's partner. Mack calls Joshua a ticking time bomb. Val calls Joshua desperate, dangerous and unhappy. Ken calls Joshua a jerk, a phoney and a hypocrite. Lilimae calls Joshua nothing but a wilful little boy, a monster, her flesh and twenty-five in April. Linda calls Joshua a wonderful man. Gary calls Elliot a good man. Coblentz calls Elliot's death unfortunate. Linda calls Joshua's death tragic. Lilimae calls Joshua's death an accident. The coroner's office calls Joshua's death a suicide. Jonathan calls suicide the one unforgivable sin. Jonathan calls Joshua damned. Mr Donner from Inner Force magazine calls Joshua, James Dean, John Lennon and Elvis young men that had meteoric rises to fame and suffered untimely deaths. Laura calls Joshua's funeral a lovely ceremony. Laura calls Jason and Daniel crazy about Cathy. Greg calls Abby crazier than her old man. Greg calls Paul Galveston a bastard, a barbarian and a dope. Greg calls Gary a bigger dope, out of his mind and the saviour of Empire Valley. Gary calls Greg as much out of control of Empire Valley as he is. Mack calls Empire Valley a model community where the neighbours prune their roses above ground while the scientists strut their stuff underground. Gary calls Empire Valley an underground mess. Gary calls himself and Abby an accounting problem. Ben calls himself a man that had to sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" seventy-two times. Ken calls himself a hundred and twenty percent more honest than Joshua was. Greg calls himself a new breed of barbarian, a creature determined to surpass even Paul Galveston in creating his own world.

Jan 86. Laura calls Richard a jerk. Laura calls Greg a good guy and a jerk. Greg calls Laura so damn liberated. Peter calls himself Greg's brother and very smart. Peter calls Abby a very beautiful woman. Karen calls Olivia a woman. Abby calls Olivia a fifteen year old runaway not some battered child that needs to be protected from a couple of monster parents. Gary calls Abby a conniver and a politician. Laura calls Abby a permanent fixture around here. Karen calls Laura the real estate expert around here. Karen calls Mack the governor's fair-haired boy. Val calls Ben the birthday boy. Ben calls himself probably the best news journalist since Edward R Murrow. Mack calls the Bryant Hotel one of the best hotels in town. Jill calls Gary the most inexpensive mechanic in town. Greg calls breakfast the most important meal of the day. Greg calls himself a loser, small and vulnerable. Val calls Cathy vulnerable. Mack calls Gary very vulnerable. Mack calls Ken stupid enough to make threats in front of all those witnesses. Linda calls Ken kind of immature in some ways and jealous of Joshua. Karen calls herself the jealous type. Sonny calls himself a good listener. Sonny calls Joshua violent. Lilimae calls Joshua's death a terrible accident. Peter calls Laura's outfit very lovely. Abby calls Peter a very clever and resourceful person. Greg calls Peter a very thorough guy, his born again brother and a man after his own heart. Lilimae calls Joshua a man of peace, a man of principle and a sweet innocent boy. Cathy calls Ken an innocent man charged with murder. Gary calls himself a married man. Jill calls Mack a married man. Jill calls Karen perfect for the commission. Jack calls Karen a very honest person. Mack calls Karen his beautiful lady. Ben calls Cathy beautiful and talented. Ben calls World Secrets one of our less than illustrious local newspapers, sleazy and a rag. Lilimae calls World Secrets a trashy scandal paper. Sonny calls World Secrets a scandal sheet and crap. Ben calls Sonny handsome and winsome. Sonny calls Cathy an opportunist and a punching bag. Pop View magazine calls Cathy a hot new teen star.

Feb 86. Abby calls the twins Val's bastards. Greg calls Abby a fascinating woman. Peter calls Abby a lovely woman. Peter calls Le Chateau an appropriate place to have lunch with a lovely woman. Jill calls herself a single woman and a home wrecker. Gary calls Jill a woman who has no ulterior motives. Sherry calls Jill Dottie Simpkins. Mack calls Jill a good attorney but sometimes she acts like she's too big for the office. Eric calls Jill too old for Michael. Abby calls Olivia too young to be wearing that kind of makeup. Gary calls Olivia an honest kid. Gary calls himself and Jill two consenting adults having a consenting relationship. Ben calls himself as responsible as the next guy. Laura calls Peter the guy who's after half Greg's money. Karen calls Mack a terrific guy and paranoid. Jill calls Mack paranoid. Sam calls Mack paranoid. Olivia calls Michael paranoid and a royal pain. Michael calls Olivia stoned. Val calls Olivia very grown up. Val calls Gary impulsive. Jill calls Gary a married but not so married man. Sylvia calls Greg a very powerful man and he's got all of Galveston Industries behind him. Laura calls herself Greg's straight man. Laura calls Greg nonchalant about Peter and a patsy. Peter calls Sylvia a terrific cook. Laura calls Sylvia a great cook. Sylvia calls herself a great cook and she can sew like nobody's business and she keeps a spotless house. Greg calls himself the son of a lousy father. Greg calls Peter the kind of kid who could also be the son of a lousy father. Greg calls Gary a nut bag. Ben calls Gary out of line, self-centred and blind to the rest of the world. Ben calls Mack a very rude man. Mack calls Karen Miss Concern, Miss Hate-Injustice, Miss Self-Righteous-Make-The-World-A-Better-Place and Queen Karen. Karen calls anemones her favourite flower.

 

[James from London]

And now, on "Who called who what and when":

Mar 86. Karen calls Mack Rhett. Peter calls Gary Casanova. Greg calls Abby Mother Teresa. Mack calls Jill Dottie Simpkins and a local Wesphall girl made good. Mack calls Paul Galveston one dragon that got away. Jill calls Paul Galveston slime. Jill calls Abby Gary's soon-to-be ex-wife. Ben calls Val Gary's ever-friendly ex-wife. Abby calls Gary unfaithful. Karen calls Laura cynical. Val calls divorce painful. Val calls Abby the one who brought her back to her babies. Gary calls Abby an adversary, insane and somebody who took advantage of him at every turn. Gary calls himself the kind of drunk that had to hit bottom. Ben calls Gary an eighteen-wheeler bearing down on him. Greg calls Gary a person who could have hung the moon and painted it gold for all he knows. Greg calls Laura doll, nuts and an airhead. Laura calls Greg such a good dancer but so unkind. Abby calls Val such a nice person. Abby calls Peter self-assured and a little overeager. Abby calls Olivia stubborn. Sylvia calls Peter greedy and stubborn. Peter calls Jill an incurable romantic, incorrigible and in love with love.

 

[Kevmac]

Love this thread

 

[James from London]

Apr 86. Mack calls Val a good old-fashioned girl. Mack calls Ben a good old-fashioned boy. Ben calls himself an old-fashioned kind of guy. Gary calls himself the guy that set off the big bang that got all this pollution moving in the first place. Jill calls Gary a nice man. Jill calls Abby Florence Nightingale. Jill calls Peter pretty free with advice for someone who just got fired. Peter calls Jill his sister, the only family he's got. Peter calls Lotus Point and Empire Valley chump change compared to half of Galveston Industries. Abby calls Peter a poor deprived illegitimate kid up against an impersonal corporation and a fraud. Laura calls Peter Greg's mascot. Laura calls Greg a greasy hood in a bad movie, one of the richest men in the world and the guy who made Jason and Daniel hotdogs for breakfast. Laura calls cynicism fashionable but really, really boring. Greg calls Laura divorced and legal. Greg calls himself a great conductor and yesterday's news politically. Cathy calls herself everybody's single buddy who gets invited to dinner.

 

[James from London]

May 86. Michael calls Mack a great guy. Greg calls himself a volatile kind of guy who resigned his United States Senate seat shortly after being elected. Mack calls Greg a jerk. Mack calls Laura a nice person. Greg calls Sylvia a practical person. Peter calls Sylvia the mother of a budding politician. Greg calls Peter his brother, a political protege and the bastard son of a wealthy industrialist who wants to use his dead dad's dough on an elective office he's not remotely qualified to hold. Karen calls Greg a son of a bitch and the problem not the solution. Abby calls Karen and Gary Don Quixote & Sancho Panza. Paige calls Mack and Anne star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet. Mack calls himself and Anne a couple of kids madly in love. Mack calls Paige a nineteen-year-old kid running around the city. Paige calls Anne very romantic. Paige calls Mack very working class. Mack calls Abby Empress of California. Gary calls Abby a very sick woman. Gary calls Val the girl that held him together when he was coming apart. Gary calls Peter Abby's 'business associate'. Olivia calls Jill Gary's 'business associate’. Jill calls herself an accessory to perjury and fraud. Laura calls herself a good little wifey. Ben calls himself the best man for the job and solid old Ben.

 

[James from London]

Sep 86. Michael calls Anne beautiful. Paige calls Anne a jet setter. Phil calls Anne a wench. Greg calls Anne the woman Mack's been salivating over all summer. Gary calls Peter Greg's puppet. Ben calls Gary a far more credible candidate than the Hollister camp ever expected. Gary calls Greg the guy that actually coined the phrase 'contracts are meant to be broken.' Greg calls himself honest. Jean calls herself and Ben a great team. Ben calls Val and the kids the solution to his problems. Val calls Laura crazy. Greg calls Laura Nancy Drew. Greg calls Abby Goldilocks. Abby calls Greg nasty. Mack calls Greg a creep. Greg calls Karen a sore loser. Jean calls Greg a loner. Jean calls Ben a dabbler. Ben calls Mack an optimist. Mack calls life rough. Mack calls Eric Mr Amateur Psychologist. A crank caller calls Mack Mr Big Shot State Prosecutor. A TV announcer calls Karen five feet seven inches tall with brown eyes and brown hair.

 

[James from London]

Oct 86. Olivia calls Peter slime. Paige calls Peter cute slime. Peter calls himself a senator and a celebrity. Sylvia calls herself the mother of the new state senator. Sylvia calls Abby a smart woman. Karen calls Paige a nice young woman. Abby calls Paige a nice young lady. Phil calls Laura a lovely lady. Phil calls Karen crazy. Detective Behar calls Phil a felony suspect. Greg calls Phil an East Coast guy, a marginal person and an ex-con. Greg calls Peter his stupid brother. Paige calls drugs stupid. Lilimae calls Paige sweet. Sylvia calls Peter a sweetie, a fine public speaker and a smart boy. Laura calls Peter a boy scout. Abby calls Peter a fraud and a quick study. Peter calls Gary impressive. Gary calls Greg the original mystery man complete with shadowy activities and mysterious friends. Gary calls the coastal commission's recent approval of some thirty offshore drilling sites very shortsighted and potentially dangerous. Marty calls Gary holier than thou and a drunk with an arrest record. Gary calls himself clean and sober for three years. Jean calls herself a concerned voter. Lilimae calls herself an old busybody. Mack calls himself scared, confused, helpless and overwhelmed. Karen calls herself smarter than Phil and saner than Phil. Phil calls himself, Greg and Mack the Three Musketeers. Laura calls Greg Dick Tracy. Greg calls Laura Nancy Drew.

 

[Kevmac]

More...... More......

(please).... :hello:

 

[James from London]

Nov 86. Peter calls Sylvia five foot six with brown hair. Greg calls Sylvia a willing captive of the ever charming Mrs Ewing. Greg calls Jean a slender dame, the parking lot fairy and the lovely woman who ran into his car. Greg calls Jill a good looking woman. Greg calls Peter his ticket to the Potomac, impressionable and a dope. Greg calls Ben a hard news guy and an ethical guy. Greg calls Phil Harbert a guy who never grew up. Greg calls himself a guy who's done an impulsive thing or two in his life and a washed-up middle-aged ex-senator. Jean calls Greg the man who resigned his senate seat, droll and insulting. Peter calls Greg a former United States senator and the head of a fairly important corporation. Abby calls Eric an employee of the corporation. Karen calls Eric an employee who reports to her. Eric calls Michael stupid. Michael calls Eric jealous. Michael calls his new shirt a gift. Karen calls Michael's new shirt an expensive gift. Karen calls a VCR a great gift and very extravagant. Mack calls a VCR a major gift and beautiful. Val calls Mack the only family that Paige has got. Val calls Karen the best friend she could ever have. Karen calls herself a bonafide adult with three grown kids. Karen calls Paige full grown with all her teeth and long since out of diapers. Val calls Paige young and insecure. Karen calls Michael young and very naive. Paige calls Michael sweet, fabulous and lonely. Mack calls Michael and Paige too young to have sex, wrong to have sex and almost related for crying out loud. Mack calls Lilimae's corn muffins very nutritious. Lilimae calls herself the mother of a famous author. Ben calls Sylvia the mother of a politician, the ex-mistress of a big industrialist and a story if there ever was one. Sylvia calls Peter dangerous. Greg calls Paul Kelly the guy who claims that he saw Peter on the cliff with Jill. Jean calls Jill's accident Peter's Chappaquiddick. Gary calls Jill Little Miss Love 'Em & Can't Leave 'Em. Gary calls Lucy the daughter we couldn't raise.

 

[James from London]

Dec 86. Greg calls Sylvia a nice little old lady. Mack calls 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall a nice song but not a Christmas song. Karen calls the Christmas tree crooked. Russell Winston calls Karen a sick person. Abby calls Sylvia a sweet person. Lilimae calls Paige a dishonest person. Karen calls Paige dishonest, sophisticated and a pathological liar. Mack calls Paige a carbon copy of Anne. Ben calls Mack a man who's had to defend clients and even a governor whose actions he didn't always believe in. Ben calls Abby the Wicked Witch of the West. Abby calls Olivia really wired. Val calls Olivia's new car gorgeous. Val calls Ben Mr Press Secretary. Peter calls Ben a watchdog Greg has hired to spy on him. Laura calls Greg an expectant father. Greg calls Ben ethical and self-righteous. Greg calls himself Santa Claus and a realist. Abby calls Greg Peter's so-called brother. Abby calls herself the only one Peter can trust. Paige calls Michael the only happiness she's had. Paige calls European banks horrible.

 

[James from London]

Jan 87. Russell calls Anne very fragile. Karen calls Anne very attractive. Karen calls Russell the man who made Anne disappear into thin air because she was carrying Mack's child. Anne calls Karen just the kind of woman she'd imagine Mack with. Anne calls Mack a stuffy realist. Anne calls Paige affected, naughty and a very resourceful young woman. Karen calls Paige alive, dead and whoever she wants to be. Karen calls Greg a fool for not wanting to have a baby with Laura. Greg calls Sylvia permanently unavailable for comment. Greg calls Peter the illegitimate son of an old-time hoofer who's now a little old lady. Peter calls Greg isolated, eccentric and paranoid. Ben calls Greg another Howard Hughes. Greg calls Ben a PR man with the telephone manners of a pregnant duck. Ben calls Jean a woman of a thousand faces and a million disguises. Ben calls himself an industrial rat-fink. Lilimae calls herself a one-handed grandma. Laura calls herself fit as a fiddle. Laura calls Peter the most likely person to have planted the bug in Greg's office. Gary calls Val the only person he really trusts. Brian calls Olivia not the worst person in the world, even for a sister. Paige calls Anne a very romantic person, naive but nice, and very good at getting her way. Margery calls herself still the same person who used drugs and alcohol to try to solve her problems except now she knows she doesn't have to, still the same person who used to try to find an easy way out only now she knows there isn't one, and still the same person who used to hate herself only now she knows she can forgive herself. Karen calls herself not fat. Val calls Karen a big girl. Val calls Deborah Kensington the leading lady on her very first film script. Deborah Kensington calls Val's life wonderfully difficult. Ben calls Val and the kids the only things he cares about in his life. Abby calls Jill a brunette Valene. Abby calls Gary a glutton for losing causes. Gary calls Olivia a fully-fledged addict. Gary calls cocaine expensive. President Palmer from 24 calls the desire for cocaine overpowering. Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks calls Olivia a rich kid.

 

[James from London]

Feb 87. Jean calls Greg dead. Laura calls Greg a survivor.Anne calls Greg cocky and unctuous. Paige calls Peter cocky and arrogant. Laura calls Peter a greedy bastard. Peter calls Abby the beautiful, charming and soon to be ex-Mrs Ewing. Abby calls Paige a thoughtful young lady. Karen calls Paige old enough to take care of herself. Anne calls Paige cynical. Mack calls Karen judgemental. Karen calls Anne neurotic. Paige calls Anne full of surprises. Karen calls the world full of surprises. Mack calls the world crazy.

 

[James from London]

Mar 87. Greg calls himself a little nuts. Abby calls Peter a little cynical. Peter calls Olivia prettier than her mom. Greg calls his teeth pretty big. Greg calls Ben paranoid. Lilimae calls Ben depressed. Lilimae calls Jean that awful woman. Greg calls Jean neutralised, one-dimensional and a sentimental fool. Anne calls herself a complete fool and a total idiot. Anne calls Dan Fujimori one of New York's best. Anne calls Karen a truly independent woman and very mean-spirited. Karen calls Anne's nude photos very striking. Mack calls Anne's nude photos very nude. Karen calls Anne the passion of Mack's youth. Mack calls Karen weird, crazy and a closet dessert queen. Karen calls Mack defensive. Anne calls Mack cruel. Anne calls Abby kind. Abby calls Val the first Mrs Ewing. Abby calls herself the second Mrs Ewing. Abby calls Jill the soon-to-be third Mrs Ewing. Val calls Jill perfect for Gary. Val calls Ben dead.

 

[James from London]

Apr 87. Anne calls the cul-de-sac a dead end street. Anne calls herself desperate. Mack calls Anne desperate, sick and spiteful. Karen calls Anne unstable. Paige calls Anne much stronger than you think and a pro at exhibitions like this. Karen calls Anne's suicide carefully planned to fail. Anne calls her overdose an accident. Peter calls Sylvia's death a terrible accident. Michael calls Peter pretty old for Olivia. Abby calls herself an older woman, twice married. Peter calls Abby the only woman he wants to marry. Abby calls Paige not a bad catch, pretty and rich. Paige calls herself pretty, rich but not too rich, well-read, properly schooled, the perfect wife for the rising politician and a big girl. Greg calls Meg a big girl. Greg calls himself a happy man. Mack calls himself a man of the '80s. Ben calls himself obsessed with protecting his family. Jill calls Gary all the family she wants or needs. Jill calls Peter a public official with a false identity. Peter calls Paige so spoiled she thinks that wanting something automatically makes it hers. Olivia calls Paige her best friend. Paige calls Olivia ready and tuned. Karen calls Olivia vulnerable. Abby calls Karen out of line. Abby calls Peter out of line with her daughter. Abby calls her relationship with Peter very special.

 

[James from London]

May 87. Greg calls Meg the spitting image of her old man. Karen calls Meg gorgeous and a cutie. Greg calls himself a cutie too and a very lucky guy. Jill calls Peter so damn lucky and a fraud. Abby calls Peter a man who used a child. Abby calls Paige a little spoiled rich kid. Paige calls herself and Abby two of a kind. Gary calls Abby and Peter his two favourite people. Paige calls Peter a son of a bitch and her uncle. Greg calls Peter a mongrel, presidential timber, a fella in sore need of advice and his popular baby brother. Paige calls herself not exactly the most popular person around. Peter calls Abby the only person alive with proof that he’s not Greg’s brother. Olivia calls Paige the only person Peter ever cared about. Olivia calls Peter dead.

 

[Daniel Avery]

Too bad no one called Peter an ambulance.

 

[James from London]

Sep 87. Jill calls Peter self-centred. Jill calls Michael the birthday boy. Val calls Michael an old man. Mack calls Paige twenty-years-old and set in her ways. Paige calls herself allergic to cantaloupe. Mack calls himself allergic to cantaloupe. Al calls Peggy’s coffee too weak. Julian calls cement lighter than water. Karen calls Ben out of town. Laura calls Greg all heart. Laura calls 1987 a bitch.

 

[Seaviewer]

Paige calls herself allergic to cantaloupe. Mack calls himself allergic to cantaloupe.

In retrospect an odd way to resolve it. There were much more straightforward ways. But to this day I can't see or hear of a cantaloupe (or rock melon) without thinking of this.

 

[James from London]

Oct 87. Gary calls Jill judge, jury and social worker. Gary calls Peter a piece of slime who got exactly what he had coming to him. Greg calls Peter’s death a great personal tragedy. Paige calls Peter’s death an accident. Abby calls Peter’s death a terrible, terrible accident and the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone. Jill calls Peter’s murder almost the perfect crime. Jill calls Gary a man loyal to his ex-wife even if she is a murderer. Karen calls Abby capable of a lot of things but murder isn’t one of them. Gary calls Abby downright huggable. Greg calls Abby Blondie. Greg calls Laura a whip. Laura calls Greg irrational. Laura calls her brain tumour cancerous, inoperable and terminal. Laura calls Val a kindred spirit. Laura calls Val’s femullet cute. Karen calls Val’s femullet wonderful. Mack calls Paige a wonderful young woman and a kid he didn’t shape, didn’t raise, but loves. Abby calls Brian a beautiful kid. Mack calls Olivia only a kid. Detective Garcia calls Olivia under arrest for the murder of Peter Hollister. Greg calls himself Peter’s only surviving relative, Pope John and a patient man. Greg calls Peter his ticket to the White House and fuel for the flowers. Greg calls flowers dumb distractions. Greg calls Richard chronically unstable and that bozo ex-husband of Laura’s. Greg calls Paige a little snot. Lilimae calls Val her little sweet pea. Val calls Meg just as pretty as her mommy. Laura calls Meg a fourth generation redhead. Karen calls Meg a child that has everything. Karen calls Laura the woman who has everything. Laura calls herself sick and tired of being poked and prodded like some rabbit in Show & Tell. Mack calls himself an uncomfortable observer. Mack calls himself and Jill the good guys. Laura calls Gary a good guy. Mack calls Gary a nice guy. Mack calls Brian his kind of guy. Greg calls Laura’s priest some guy in a funny costume. Laura’s priest calls Meg a gift from God and a source of life. Peggy calls trees a renewable resource. Peggy calls Al a very difficult person to be nice to. Al calls deductions a form of subsidy because they’re not taxed.