Catweazle- FIRST EPISODE s01e01 Sun In A Bottle

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Deep in the heart of a forest a brown robed , bearded figure is collecting herbs and flowers, collecting them while eating the odd berry from bushes as he goes. It is daytime but an Owl sits perched on a tree branch , the bearded man sees it and looks puzzled.
C " bird of night hoot not, feathered omen hoot not, son of Tarrit hoot not"
The owl continues to hoot,
C " did thou not hear me or are you stone deaf?"
Suddenly horses hooves are heard , French soldiers on horseback are seen, the man runs away promptly fearing for his life.
The man is Catweazle, the place England in 1066, the horsemen, Norman invaders.
Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle.
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Catweazle reaches a hillside, a small gap in the rocks, Catweazle goes through the gap and into a cavern, his home. The cavern is firetorch lit, cauldron sits in the middle of it, and a toad sits on a human skull on a rock. Catweazle is a magician of black arts, or so he thinks. He addresses his pet toad.
C " Now I have all Touchwood, thanks be to Hecate "
He takes out of his robe the herbs and flowers he has gathered.
C " aye Touchwood, ill luck , I fear the owl that hoots by day, as I fear water"
He sits and opens a book, pages are animal skins fashioned as pages, he reads.
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C "to conjure the spirits of the air, so they may lift thee up and let thee fly as the birds of the air do, gather Hemlock, Foxglove, Henblane and Marigold "
Catweazle checks his ' ingredients ' he has gathered,
C " tis good"
Meanwhile outside the French soldiers dismount from their horses , they are at the hillside and have spotted the opening in the rocks.
Inside the cavern Catweazle is grinding up his plants with a mortar and pestle, looking at his toad Touchwood.
C " I'll feed thee anon grizzle guts"
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Catweazle stands in the middle of his cavern with both hands full of crushed flowers, he throws them up in the air saying ,
C " salmy dalmy adonay" and starts flapping his arms.
C ( annoyed) " salmy dalmy adonay....why do I not fly, Spirits I command thee,salmy dalmy adonay, nothing works!"
The French soldiers burst in swords drawn.
Catweazle puts out the firetorch plunging the cavern into darkness, he grabs his toad and runs, soldiers in the dark collide into each other, Catweazle grabs the arm of one and bites into it, a scream is heard , in the confusion Catweazle escapes and runs through the forest.
C " Norman fools I will lead thee a merry dance "
Soldiers back on their horses give chase, Catweazle alarmed as another group of horsemen appear and force him towards a lake. He is trapped, the lake before him, soldiers behind him. A felled tree lies in the water, Catweazle runs along it , looks back at soldiers at water's edge, he is finished.
C( looking at sky)"save me spirits, bear me away, let me fly, salmy dalmy adonay "
He jumps in....
.... and emerges from under water to be waist high in a very small pond. Everything has changed, no forest, no soldiers, just flat field, trees in distance .
C " Touchwood where art thou, (looks about) I have flown, great spirits I thank thee for my deliverance
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Catweazle, absolutely soaked through climbs out of pond, and runs across field, and into a barn. He looks around, safe at last, but suddenly hears a dreadful noise, a roaring sound. He immediately runs to corner of barn where stands a barrel standing alongside some bales of hay, he crouches down behind barrel and looks terrified as a red tractor makes it's way into the barn via another door.
A man at the wheel, a boy sitting next to him. The tractor parks, the noise stops as the engine switched off.
Sam is the man , in his 30's , the young boy is Edward who has reddish hair, aka Carrot.
S " Von Tripps his name was, he drove for Ferrari. They don't make drivers like that anymore "
Ct " what time is programme?"
S " 9.30, should be a good 'un. Don't miss it Carrot "
Ct " no I won't , so you're telly is working again then"
S " yeah, but I gotta come back here to watch it , Mother is watching Memory Lane at that time, she wouldn't miss that"
Ct " no I bet she wouldn't "
S " don't forget Carrot, They Diced With Death, 9.30, see you"
Sam gets onto a bicycle and leaves another days work done.
Carrot about to leave barn when he hears a sneeze , then another, he follows the sound, and in corner of barn he sees Catweazle hiding behind barrel.
Ct " who the heck are you?!"
Robin Davies is Carrot. Neil McCarthy is Sam.
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Carrot stares at the sight of Catweazle cowering,
Ct " come on out, look you've got to come out, you can't stay here, this is private property "
C " are thy Norman?"
Ct " no, my name is Edward. Come out please "
C " I fear it" (points to tractor)
Ct " what Lulu? You're not afraid of a tractor are you?"
C " but it roars like the damdy, earth trembles "
Ct " noise can't hurt you. Now come out...please "
Catweazle stands and nervously approaches tractor.
C " a magic chariot "
Ct " are you alright?"
C " tis monstrous, monstrous!"
Ct " you're soaking wet"
C " has thou the power?"
Ct " stop fooling around, you're trespassing, if dad finds out..."
C " can thou command it"
Ct " it's only a tractor "
Carrot sits behind wheel, and switches on ignition. The tractor starts.
C " aaaarrggghhh ".
Catweazle runs screaming back to corner and this time climbs inside barrel.
 
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Carrot keeps the tractor going as Catweazle hides, when the door behind Carrot opens and in walks his father, not looking pleased , leans over and turns ignition key to off.
G " what an earth d'you think you're doing. How many times have I told you about playing with the tractor. Now just leave it alone or no trip to London alright "
Ct " sorry dad"
G "Sam's gone?"
Ct " yes dad"
The family dog runs in, and straight up to barrel whining.
G " must be rats "
Carrot runs to barrel blocking sight of Catweazle inside it.
Ct " er...they're no rats dad"
G " phew...what's that ghastly smell?"
Ct " smell...what smell dad"
G " terrible pong, like a dead cat. See if you can track it down Carrot it's awful "
George Bennett leaves barn, Carrot, Edward Bennett, raps on barrel and Catweazle emerges from inside the barrel.
C " I starve boy"
Ct" sshhh...urgh..dad's right you smell horrible "
Catweazle's stomach rumbles.
C " my belly cries for food"
Ct " alright I'll bring you something "
George pops head back in barn, Catweazle quickly ducks down.
G " come on Carrot "
Ct " coming dad, ....it'll be dark in a couple of hours I'll bring you something then"
C " where am I "
Ct " Hexwood farm "
C " is it known to the Normans?"
Ct " Normans?"
C" the Norman invaders "
Ct " don't be potty, that was hundreds of years ago "
C " hundreds of years?!"
Ct" yeah, 900, see you later "
Carrot leaves and Catweazle stands in the barrel frightened, dumbfounded, lip trembling, the full impact just hitting him.
C" 9....hundred..years...oooohhh!"
He faints.
Charles " Bud" Tingwell is George.
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That evening Carrot is in the farmhouse kitchen, placing food in a brown paper bag.
Sam comes in, Carrot hides bag behind back.
Ct " Sam"
S " hello Carrot, where's your dad?"
Ct " he's at the pub"
S " you haven't forgotten have you?"
Ct " what?"
S " 9.30, They Diced With Death "
Ct " crumbs....yes"
Carrot and Sam leave kitchen for tv room, Carrot leaves bag on kitchen table.
Ct " I'm afraid I can't watch it with you Sam"
S " whyever not"
Ct "....er glue"
S " what d'you mean glue?"
Ct " on the carpet in my room, dad's furious. I've got to get it cleared off before he gets back"
They come to tv room door,
Ct " you know how to switch it on?"
S " yeah I think so"
Ct " it's nearly 9.30"
Carrot ushers Sam in and closes door.
 

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Carrot enters the barn,
Ct " are you still here?"
C " aye boy"
Carrot switches on light, Catweazle screams, and runs to barrel and sticks head in it.
C "AARRGGHHH, BLINDED BY WITCHCRAFT"
Ct " what"
C ( whimpering) " blinded, blinded "
Ct " oh sorry "
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Carrot switches light off,
Ct " it's alright I've switched it off"
C " I can see again, has thou lifted the curse "
Ct " what curse "
C " a great fire in the air"
Ct " oh that....the light bulb"
C " did thou conjure it?"
Ct " I switched it on if that's what you mean "
Carrot puts hand on switch.
Ct " now close your eyes, then open them slowly, you'll be alright...ready?"
Catweazle nods and closes eyes, the light is back on. Slowly he opens his eyes, and stares in awe at the light bulb hanging down.
Ct " it's only electricity "
C " O master magician let me serve thee"
Ct " what?"
C " tell me the secrets of this new magic"
Ct ( puzzled) "magic?"
C " teach me thy electrickery that I may do it"
Ct " do what?"
C " put the sun in a bottle "
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Sam comes out of the tv room,
S ( calling upstairs) "Carrot...the pictures gone funny....Carrot.."
In the barn Carrot has shown Catweazle the light switch.
Ct " that's right go on "
Catweazle turns light on,
C" shine tiny sun" ...and off..and on again,
C " shine tiny sun"....and off and on again.
C " shine tiny sun"
Sam in the kitchen,
S " Carrot..?"
He notices light flashing on and off in barn.
In barn,
Ct " that's enough "
C " is wondrous "
Ct " here, food"
Carrot opens bag,
C " my thumbs prick"
Ct " what?"
C " someone comes"
Catweazle hides again, Sam comes in.
S " what are you up to Carrot?"
Ct " why aren't you watching the telly?"
S " picture has gone all wobbly. Can you fix it?"
Ct " yeah okay "
S " what's in that bag"
Ct "....er food for the pigs for tomorrow "
S " well don't leave it in here the rats will get it, I'll put it in the pig's swill"
They leave, Catweazle comes out of hiding, the bag of food gone.
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Sam puts food down on kitchen table and he and Carrot go into tv room.
S " blooming annoying it is , I've probably made it worse Carrot fiddling with it"
Ct " I'll sort it out Sam"
Catweazle has entered kitchen, and immediately notices wall lights, he looks around him, and sees switch.
C " shine tiny sun" he learns quick as he turns light on and off and on.....
Sam( voice)" thanks Carrot "
C( voice)" okay "
Carrot enters kitchen,
Ct " what are you doing in here?"
C " I starve boy"
Carrot closes kitchen door, and props up a chair jammed against door handle.
Ct " we'll have to be quick "
Carrot brings out food from bag.
Ct " bread....sausages "
Catweazle befuddled by this ' food' until,
Ct " cheese"
C " ah! Cheese"
He takes cheese a large block of it and starts eating.
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Ct " you are hungry aren't you? Would you like some orange juice?"
C " I know not "
Carrot pours a glass of orange squash, Catweazle drinks, then spurts the whole mouthful out onto floor, throwing glass away.
C " has thou tried to poison me. I will call demons to destroy thee"
Ct " sshh ......you're crackers "
C " no, I am Catweazle "
Ct " who?"
C " harken to me young sorcerer. I come from a time when this land was conquered by William of Normandy "
Ct " ..er..yes I believe you..honestly "
C " you will tell no one "
Ct " no ...I promise "
C " swear by Adamcos "
Ct " Adamcos?"
Catweazle reaches inside his robe and grabs a knife that is in a pouch attached to chain dangling around his neck.
Ct " wow..what's that?"
C " a witch knife, sacred to Hecate "
Catweazle places Carrot's hand on knife blade .
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C " I swear by the spirits of the brazen vessel "
Ct " I swear by the spirits of the brazen vessel"
C " that I will say nothing of Catweazle "
Ct " that I will say nothing of Catweazle "
C " it is well said"
Carrot seems to snap out of a mild trance.
Sam comes out of the tv room and up to kitchen door , but chair jammed against it does its job.
S " Carrot I can't get in".
At the same time headlights from a vehicle shine into kitchen.
Ct " it's dad, we're trapped"
George gets out of jeep and walks up to front door, he enters hallway and removes shoes.
In kitchen Carrot opens window,
Ct " come on, climb out "
C " where shall I go "
Ct " I don't know, where do you usually sleep, go find a shed"
C " shed?"
Ct " yes, little wooden hut, there's lots on the farm"
Catweazle scrambles out of window, breaking a pane of glass in the process.
George hears the smashing glass and enters kitchen, Carrot is looking innocent, Sam finally heaves door open pushing chair away.
G " what the devil are you two up to?"
S (puzzled) " me boss?"
G " well Carrot, what have you been up to, how did that window get broken?"
Ct " well you see dad, there was this old.....old....er.."
G " don't make anything up, just tell me "
Ct " I can't "
G " what d'you mean, of course you can"
Ct " I want to dad....but I can't...I.just can't "
G " stop fooling around, good lord what's all this mess everywhere ?"
There's orange squash all over the floor, a lump of half eaten cheese on the table.
Ct "....er supper"
G " sometimes I think you're off your head".
Ct " sorry dad"
G " I'll give you one last chance to explain alright?"
Ct " yes dad"
G " now exactly what have you been up to?"
Carrot tries to explain but he can't physically get the words out. Catweazle's magic?
Ct " well......b..bbbuutt.....mmm."
G " that's it lad, if you're going to play about you might as well go to bed.......go on...get to bed...."
Carrot head bowed leaves. George turns to Sam.
G " in the army we called that dumb insolence "

In an outhouse Catweazle is hiding for the night. The hut is fall of machinery for the farm, hanging from a beam is an old oil lamp. Catweazle makes an understandable mistake thinking it's electric. He looks for the switch. There is a doorway leading to another room, but no door, just the opening, on the side of the opening is a hinge where
once a door connected onto. Catweazle grasps hinge, points to oil lamp.
C " shine tiny sun"
He pulls at hinge...nothing of course happens.
Catweazle bangs his fist into palm of hand in frustration.
C " nothing works! I have much to learn, ( smiles) on the morrow I will ask the young sorcerer to teach me the new magic"
the end
 
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