My name is Oh!Carol and I think I have Dark Shadows powers

[Willie Oleson]

This morning on my way to work I suddenly had this crazy idea. I thought, I feel like getting fired today so I can spend more time with my stories.
Three hours later I received the shocking news that two of my long-time co-workers had been fired. What a cosmic joke!
Or is it?

A few years ago I wished "that person" (another co-worker) would leave me alone and the next day he didn't show up and in fact didn't show up for 14 months because of a massive burnout. Oops.

Now, don't take this as a warning or anything and don't feel obliged to treat me kindly (like, super-super-super kindly) but should I go full-on-Angelique and your life will be destroyed I just want you to know: I didn't really mean it. And we can still be friends.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

I probably have the money I need. But if you could brain-send me even more, I will accept it without prejudice.

Oh, and that house I've been looking at in Lenox Park. And an easy move from my current one once that's in the bag.

Thanks. And kisses.

 

[Willie Oleson]

Oh, and that house I've been looking at in Lenox Park

It's haunted.
Do you still want it?

But if you could brain-send me even more, I will accept it without prejudice.

You'll have it.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

It's haunted.
Do you still want it?

You'll have it.
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Bless you!

Oh, and that adorable ginger I've had my eye on for 30 years. (He prank calls me every so often, so there's an engagement of sorts).

Could you make that happen??

 

[Willie Oleson]

Adorable gingers? You really like to live life on the edge, don't you?

Could you make that happen?

I can but I won't. It's obvious to me that what you want is not what you need, and what I need is more of your alternative Dynasty title cards. I guess it's always been your destination and who am I to tamper with it?

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Adorable gingers? You really like to live life on the edge, don't you?

I can but I won't. It's obvious to me that what you want is not what you need, and what I need is more of your alternative Dynasty title cards. I guess it's always been your destination and who am I to tamper with it?
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Oh, I get it -- spoil me and then destroy me!

But, while we're at it, which new title card would you like? And perhaps then we could barter over my ginger ersatz baby-husband, and debate what further extortion you're willing to submit me to in order to obtain what I want and desperately need.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Still waiting.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Adorable gingers? You really like to live life on the edge, don't you?

He hasn't called me in two months! What's the hold-up??

 

[Willie Oleson]

What's the hold-up??

I've run out of gaslight

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

I've run out of gaslight

Awwww... Yours, mine, or someone else's?

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Adorable gingers? You really like to live life on the edge, don't you?

Oh, great. Now he's got a little ginger baby. Thanks a lot, @Willie Oleson !

Don't you realize that just further complicates things...?!?

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Now, I think he's mad at me. Can you fix that?

 

[Willie Oleson]

Totally ghosting you, but that's acceptable in a Dark Shadows thread.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Totally ghosting you, but that's acceptable in a Dark Shadows thread.

But....but I can see you!

Also, my sweet-but-unstable sister-in-law is missing.

 

[Willie Oleson]

Have you checked the attic?
And maybe it's better to get rid of that axe.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Have you checked the attic?
And maybe it's better to get rid of that axe.

I can't get into my attic. It may have something to do with my prostate.

Can you do something about that, too?

 

[Willie Oleson]

The problem with my Dark Shadows powers is that I can only make things worse, not better. It's not a good idea to consult me about health issues.

Alternatively, I could wish for your attic to be lowered but it may take some reconstruction and redecoration afterwards.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

The problem with my Dark Shadows powers is that I can only make things worse, not better. It's not a good idea to consult me about health issues.

You mean .... I've been wasting all my time with you? Why didn't we work this all out beforehand??

I think he's mad at me, and now you leave me high and dry?!

Alternatively, I could wish for your attic to be lowered but it may take some reconstruction and redecoration afterwards.

Would it still be the attic then? Or some new salon I'll have to rename as well?

 

[Daniel Avery]

Maybe it would be one of those rooms you walk into and discover you've entered a parallel version of real time events. Friends and family interact differently and are married to the wrong people, but you won't have to build new sets redecorate.

 

[Willie Oleson]

You men .... I've been wasting all my time with you? Why didn't we work this all out beforehand??

I like to play with my food.