Reflections

[Karin Schill]

Hi Everyone!

I thought that I'd repost my Dynasty fanfic in here that I wrote back in 2011. I guess most of you have already read it but if there's someone who hasn't I hope you'll enjoy it.

Take care,
Love:
Karin.


Title: ”Reflections”
Author: Karin.
Rating: PG-13. There is one part that is rated R.

Distribution: If anyone wants to repost it anywhere ask me first.

Time: Set in 2010 with some flashbacks to the 1950s and 1960s.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters that inspired me to write this. This is a work of fan fiction written for entertainment purpose only. I don't own anyone or anything of it except for the idea for the plot.

Author's note: Okay so this is my first and possibly only Dynasty fanfic. So I am not sure if I've managed to capture the characters properly. Keep that in mind when you'll read it and I hope you will enjoy it.

Dedication to: All the lovely ladies over at the Carrington Mansion posting board who's stories inspired me to write this.

Feedback: Yes please. You guys are the reason I do this and I really love to hear from you. Since this is my first Dynasty fanfic I'd really like to know if you appreciate it or not. Please no flames.

Warning: This story deals with a main character's death.



Reflections

Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan was a woman who was used to get what she wanted. No matter if it was in the bedroom or in the boardroom she always knew how to use her charm, charisma, looks and intelligence to make other people see things her way. She was a woman who was used to being in control over herself and everyone around her. If she wanted to travel to the other side of the world tomorrow she just called to have the jet ready to take off, if she wanted to work she worked, if she asked people to do something for her they did it. If she wanted to sleep with a man she usually found a way to bed him. Yet looking at herself in the mirror of the dressing room, as she was trying to squeeze into a purple dress, which she'd planned to wear to the annual Easter party at the Carrington mansion the upcoming weekend, Alexis knew that there was one thing that she couldn’t control. Because no matter how much she wanted to, there was not a thing she could do to stop the hands of time. As the years passed by the lines in her face got sharper and despite having fixed the bags under her eyes and double chin there was only so much you could fix with a little nip tuck without ending up looking ridiculous. Since as much as she tried to exercise and eat healthy there was only so much a woman could do to stay in shape and no matter how hard she tried there was no denying the fact that she was getting older.


When she was young people had often complimented her for her looks at parties, saying that she looked amazing. These days the same people stopped her at parties saying that she looked amazing for a woman of 72. It wasn’t quite the same and even though they didn’t say it out loud what they really meant was that she looked good for an old woman and Alexis hated it. She hated aging. ‘Besides age is just a number anyway. What does it matter if I am 72 when I still feel young inside?’ Alexis reflected to herself. Fortunately she didn’t look that old either and if people didn’t know how old she was she’d often lie and say she was still in her early 60s. ‘Oh well at least I don’t look my age’ Alexis added mentally. Still that was only a small comfort for a woman who used to be as beautiful as Alexis was in her youth.

Thirty years ago people used to be mesmerized by her beauty and all necks cracked around to take in her appearance when she entered a room. These days she could still make people turn their heads to look at her when she walked into a room. But that had more to do with who she was and the clout she had as a very important person in Denver, than with her looks. As the president of Colby Co and owner of 70 % of the stock she was a very successful business woman. For almost thirty years she’d run that company and she’d done it well. Some people might deny her importance as a business woman, as their waggling little tongues said she only gotten that company out of marrying a dying man in the hospital. According to them she had simply taken over what Cecil had left her and that she couldn’t have done it without Jeff’s help. Others might not agree with her business tactics and claim that she’d only gotten as far as she had by couch hoping. Some people might even call her a manipulative bitch but Alexis didn’t care since she knew that those people were either men who she’d screwed over or women who felt intimidated by her strength.


Since Alexis was a strong woman. She could handle herself and to the outside world they’d never see her as vulnerable and yet she was. In fact she was far more sensitive than people would give her credit for and yet she’d never let the men she’d make business with see through her façade. Since Alexis knew that she was a woman in a man’s world and that the only way to get ahead was to play the game as well as any man. So she did and she was damned proud over her accomplishments as a business woman. Thanks to her Colby Co had been recognized as one of the biggest energy companies in the US on the Forbes list at the beginning of 2010. They were not only dealing with oil anymore but also with green energy. Unlike her stubborn ex-husband Blake Carrington she knew when the winds of change were coming and had made the switch from only working with oil to alternative energy resources just in time. That had made Colby Co a much more successful company than Denver-Carrington whose stock had been plummeting on the market and its value had been cut in half as a result of the Iraq war. Adam had tried to make his father see that they needed to go for green energy but the almighty Blake Carrington hadn’t cared to listen. ‘Oh well serves him right to loose some. Blake’s always been too stubborn for his own good.’ Alexis reflected to herself. Then a pang of sadness suddenly shot through her heart. ‘If he hadn’t been we’d probably still been married’ Alexis sighed, since Blake Carrington had always been her weak spot. No matter how hard she’d tried to extort him from her heart she couldn’t get him out of her system. Because deep down she knew that there was a passion between them that she hadn’t found with any other man. She knew that she’d loved and hated him more than any other man who’d she’d ever bedded and God knows that there had been plenty of men in her life.


Unfortunately none of that changed the truth though, since the truth was that Blake didn’t want her anymore. He’d tossed her out as easily as you pour sour milk down the drain and then he’d replaced her with a younger wife. The ever loving, sugar coat sweet, hyper annoying Krystle Grant Jennings. Alexis hated her rival with a vengeance and had done everything in her power to make Blake see that the stenographer he’d married was far beneath him. She’d taken every opportunity she’d gotten to tell him that he didn’t need a woman like Krystle in his life. Not when he could have a woman like Alexis who was fun, exciting, seductive, smart and his complete equal. Alexis knew that a part of what still attracted her to Blake was the fact that together they could rule an empire. Blake might take the high road and pretend to be righteous all the time but underneath all those tweed coats and perfectly knotted ties Alexis knew that there was another side to Blake. There was a dangerous and wild side to him that she’d been attracted to. She used to love seeing the fire in his eyes when he’d fight with her and usually their fights always ended up the same way. In bed they’d solved most of their conflicts when they were married. Maybe that’s why they’d had four children together because when he was home they could never get enough of each other. He was a passionate man and she was a passionate woman and there had been a time when they’d created sparks together. During their marriage she’d shared his passions and ambitions in life and they’d grown close together.


Age had changed them, Blake’s personality had mellowed and maybe he couldn’t keep up with her anymore. Yet a part of Alexis had always known that he was her other half. In some ways they were a lot alike, since he could be just as violent, ruthless and selfish as she could. Yes some might even call them two sides of the same coin as that’s how alike they really were and maybe that’s why she’d tried so hard to get him back since she first returned to Denver 29 years ago. She’d come close a couple of times to winning him back. Over the years there had been moments when she could sense that he’d let his guard down. When she’d thought that maybe they could have started all over again. But Blake had remained faithful to his sterling Krystle and it didn’t matter that Alexis had tried every trick in her book to break them apart. Nothing had succeeded and next year he and his robot like Stepford wife would be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. It was a thought that made Alexis sick to her stomach since she knew that she and Blake could have celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary this year if he hadn’t thrown her out of the house all those years ago. Yet there was nothing she could do about it and it annoyed her.


Yes Alexis was a woman who was used to getting her way and on the surface it looked like she had everything a woman could want, jewelries worth millions, furs, car, a private jet, a cruise ship in the Caribbean, a villa in St. Tropez, a successful business, four children and ten grandkids. Yet ironically she couldn’t have the one thing she wanted most, Blake Carrington’s love. Since he’d gone and wasted it all on that stenographer. No matter how hard she’d tried she couldn’t have him back and it annoyed Alexis since after all he had been hers long before Krystle Grant was even out of preschool. If Alexis closed her eyes she could still remember the first time they’d met just as clearly as if it had been yesterday and not 55 years ago…


Seventeen year old Alexis Morrell looked in amazement at the young woman who looked back at her from the mirror. She’d always known that she was a pretty girl but that she could look like a seductive woman was news to her. Since up until today she’d never worn such a revealing gown that hugged her every curve and made her look all grown up. But tonight was her debutante ball and her mother had wanted her to enter London’s high society with a bang. Therefore she hadn’t argued with Alexis about her choice of dress. But had instead encouraged her to pick the dress she wanted. Admiring her reflection Alexis could feel the butterflies roaming around in her stomach. Since she knew that tonight was an important night for her. It was the start of her adult life and hopefully she’d find a husband among the eligible young bachelors that her mother had invited to the ball. Alexis wanted to get married more than anything else in the world. Since if she was married she could do more with the boys than just kissing and she could hardly wait for someone to awake the woman in her. Because like the good little girl she had been brought up to be she’d been taught to wait with sex until she was married.



She’d had a couple of boyfriends already. The most serious being Prince Galen of Moldavia, a charming young man of 23 that she’d met in the ski slopes in Switzerland last year. Her parents had sent her there to attend boarding school but Alexis had cut most of her classes as she had no intention of learning how to typewrite or cook. If she had wanted to become a secretary or a chef the education would have been useful to her, but Alexis had higher ambitions than that in life. Namely marrying into a lot of money and raising a family. Only problem was that first she needed to find the right man. When Galen had come along he had seemed like the perfect candidate. He had all the qualities Alexis looked for in a husband, like money, prestige and looks. He had promised to marry her and she’d felt tempted to give up her virginity for him. So she had invited him up to her room where they’d been caught kissing with his hands under her blouse. Alexis had loved the way his hands had felt upon her breasts. But unfortunately they’d never gotten a chance to take it any further before they were caught by one of the teachers at her school and since it was an all girls’ school, that little piece of action had gotten Alexis expelled from school. What was even worse was that when Prince Galen’s parents had learned of the event they had deemed Alexis unworthy of their son. Since Prince Galen couldn’t go against his parents wishes he had broken up with her and that had squashed all of Alexis’ dreams of becoming a queen.



Moping around feeling sorry for herself Alexis had headed down to the after ski bar where she’d intended to drown her sorrows. But instead of drinking herself into oblivion she had met two charming American men. Jason and Cecil Colby were siblings who were of a rich oil family. Cecil was the oldest, who was 26 whereas Jason was just a year older than her. She had flirted with both brothers and it had lifted her spirits considerably. But before she could make up her mind about which brother she fancied the most her parents had showed up and had hurried to bring their daughter back home before she could do anything stupid. Instead of enrolling her at a new boarding school back in England they had started to plan for her debutante ball in the hopes of marrying her off before she was damaged goods. So here she was now, back in England, preparing to enter the high society.



“Alexis darling, may I come in?”her mother Fallon’s voice broke through Alexis daydreams about men and Alexis couldn’t do anything but agree.



“Sure mum” Fallon Morrell then entered the room, dressed in a wine red gown. Taking in her daughter’s appearance she smiled.



“Alexis darling you look fabulous” Fallon replied.



“Thanks mum. So you do like my dress then? I mean you don’t think it’s too daring?”Alexis wondered, as she didn’t want to come on too strong or have one of the eligible bachelors mistake her for a slut. Since she knew that if she wanted to land herself a husband, she had to act like a lady.



“No but it’s missing something…” Fallon pondered for a moment before she realized what it was. “Now I know, I’ll let you borrow my pearl necklace tonight” Fallon smiled, as she took her daughter’s hand and started walking with her back to the master bedroom. Once they got there she opened the safe and took out three lines of big oval shaped pearls. Alexis gaped when she saw the jewelries, as she wanted nothing more than to wear them tonight. Yet at the same time she was a bit afraid that she’d drop them.



“But mum are you sure? Those pearls are very valuable to you” Alexis tried to protest.



“Not as valuable as you” Fallon insisted, as she fastened the pearls around her daughter’s neck. Alexis could feel her skin tingle as the cold pearls brushed against her cleavage. “Now you’re perfect” Fallon smiled. “In fact the way you look tonight I bet you can have any man you’d want”



“Thanks mum, but there’s only one man I’d want and he’s out of my reach” Alexis replied sadly.



“I know sweetie, but you have to get over Galen” Fallon sighed. “In fact promise me that you’ll do your best to find someone else. After all we’ve invited the most eligible bachelors in the country for you”



“I know and I do appreciate that you’re trying but…



“No buts promise me Lexi” her mother coaxed her, using the family’s old pet name for her.



“Okay I promise” Alexis replied before her face cracked up in a smile. “So are they here yet?”



“Yes so are you ready to go down and meet your guests now?”



“As ready as I’ll ever be” Alexis smiled.



“Good then let’s get this party started” Fallon replied, as she walked out of the room, with her daughter trailing behind her. Once they made it to the stairs she stopped and told her daughter. “Okay you’ll wait here while I introduce you” Fallon Morrell then went up to the microphone and did the introduction. “Ladies and Gentlemen may I have your attention please” Fallon raised her voice and once she’d gotten their attention she went on. “I’d like to welcome you all to tonight’s party that we’re throwing to celebrate my daughter Alexis Marrissa Morrell’s 17th birthday. As you all know 17 is an important age for a girl in England. It’s her coming of age. It now means that she is old enough to find a husband. So with that in mind I now want to introduce the guest of honor at this debutante ball. It gives me great pleasure to introduce my daughter Alexis Morrell to you”



Hearing her mother calling out her name Alexis could feel the excitement rising in the room. Then as the band started playing and her guests applauded she walked out into the room on her father Alexander Morrell’s arm. She could hear the guests gasp for air when they caught sight of her but instead of letting their reactions go to her head, Alexis just smiled self confidently. ‘That’s right, just look at me, I love being in the center of attention’ Alexis reflected, as she held her head up high. Yes if it was one thing Alexis Morrell knew all about it was how to make an entrance.



Blake Carrington had started to wonder why he’d let his friend Cecil Colby talking him into joining him at this dull debutante ball. An hour had passed by since he’d arrived there with Cecil and Jason Colby and so far nothing much had happened. He’d wanted to leave several times already but there was an unwritten rule that you couldn’t leave a debutante party before the guest of honor had arrived. Jason and Cecil had ensured him that she was worth waiting for. But somehow Blake hadn’t believed them. That was up until now. Catching a first glimpse of Alexis Morrell as she was descending down the stairs Blake felt like he’d been struck by lightning. ‘Could it be that she’s the one I’ve been looking for all my life?’ he reflected, as there was something about the young woman that made him unable to take his eyes off her. She had wavy shoulder length dark brown hair and was dressed in a skintight, strapless dark blue gown that reached her to her ankles. The blue dress contrasted nicely with her fair complexion. Her lips were glamorously dark red and her green eyes were nicely framed by long black lashes. She was simply the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Blake let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been withholding, as he kept staring at the woman. Cecil grinned when he saw his friend’s reaction.



“See I told you she was worth waiting for”



“Huh?” Blake didn’t seem to be listening.



“I said don’t you agree that she’s worth waiting for?”Cecil repeated.



“Oh yes, she is” Blake replied, without taking his eyes off the woman who was now greeting her guests over at the other side of the room.



Alexis Morrell had made her way down the stairs and had greeted some of her guests when she could feel a pair of eyes on her. At first she tried to play it cool by ignoring it completely. But the feeling wouldn’t go away and sensing that someone watched her every move she finally dignified the man who was watching her with a look in his direction. She searched the room until she finally locked eyes with a quite tall man with sharp facial lines, jet black hair and brown eyes. Seeing what he wanted in his dark eyes Alexis felt like she had burnt herself and quickly looked away. Yet there was something about this handsome stranger in a dark blue tux that made her drawn to him. Shyly looking up again through her thick long lashes she knew that she had him hooked.



“Cecil why don’t you introduce me to her?” Blake suddenly suggested.



“I don’t know” Cecil tried to dodge the request, as he didn’t like the way Blake and Alexis were checking each other out. Especially not since he’d only brought Blake there to give him his opinion on a girl he was interested in. It just hadn’t occurred to him that Blake might want Alexis all to himself.



“Please I must talk to her” Blake insisted.



“Sure just as long as you remember that I saw her first” Cecil reminded him.



“I remember” Blake muttered. “Now just introduce us”



“Okay” Cecil agreed, as the two men started walking over to Alexis.



Alexis could feel her heart skip a beat when she saw the handsome stranger walk over in her direction. Sure Cecil was walking right next to him and yet Alexis could barely even see him as she was too busy checking out his friend. The man looked like he was in his late 20s or early 30s and under the polite gentleman surface there was a dangerous vibe about him. Alexis liked that in a man. Yet she knew better than to show the man just how interested she was. So when he got too close she looked away again and then she purred kitten like.



“Cecil Colby, how lovely that you could make it”



“Alexis, thanks for having me, may I say that you look even more beautiful today than when I last saw you in Switzerland”



“Well Cecil, thank you. That’s sweet of you” Alexis flirted.



“I’m not being sweet, I’m being honest. You are by far the most beautiful girl in the room tonight and…” Cecil was just about to say something more when Blake made a loud hawking sound.”Um…I believe you haven’t met Blake Carrington before?”The name hit a chord with Alexis, who liked that the last name had a nice upper class ring to it.



“No I can’t say that I have, is he a friend of yours?”Alexis asked innocently and at that moment Cecil wished that he could have said no.



“I guess you can say that” Cecil replied reluctantly.



“Miss Morrell, I just wanted to say that it’s a pleasure to finally have met you. Cecil’s been singing your praises for weeks” Blake’s deep masculine voice cut into the conversation.



“Well he’s never mentioned you before. So Mr. Carrington what brings you to London?”



“Oh I guess you can say that I’m here to find myself a wife” Blake flirted with her.



“What a coincidence as I so happen to be in the market for a husband” Alexis flirted back.



“Good, I’d like it very much for us to be better acquainted, so how about a dance?”Blake suggested, as the band started to play a song called “Bewitched” in the background. Alexis glanced from Cecil who looked annoyed to Blake who looked hopeful before accepting.



“Sure I’d love to dance Mr. Carrington” she smiled.



“Call me Blake” he said.



“Only if you’ll call me Alexis” she replied, and as she took his hand she could feel a shock run through her, at that first contact. He led her onto the dance floor and when his arm circled her back and pressed her up against his body she could feel her skin start to burn. Looking deep into his penetrating brown eyes that seemed to burn with passion all thoughts of Prince Galen quickly vanished from her mind.



Someone who wasn’t as amused was Cecil Colby. Since he had brought Blake there to approve the girl he wanted to marry. Never in his wildest fantasies had the idea crossed his mind that Blake and Alexis might hit it off. Yet that was precisely what seemed to have happened and standing there over in a corner watching Alexis and Blake dance closely together, while his little brother danced with Alexis cousin Sable, Cecil couldn’t help but wondering if Blake was about to steal his girl…


The shrill ringing of her cell phone brought Alexis back to the present. Feeling slightly annoyed to be disturbed when she was reminiscing about such nice things she first considered ignoring her phone completely. 'But what if it's important then?' The thought made Alexis change her mind and she picked up her phone to at least look who was calling her. Seeing the name 'Fallon' on the display Alexis decided to take the call.


“Fallon darling” Alexis greeted her eldest daughter.


“Mummy. I'm so glad that I got hold of you” Hearing the urgency in her daughter's voice Alexis could feel her spider senses start tingling.


“Why is something the matter?”


“Yes it's daddy. He's been asking for you so you need to come right over”


“Look Fallon, don't be silly. I will do no such thing. I'll see him this weekend at the party so I really don't see the need to drop everything and head over to the mansion just because the mighty Blake Carrington suddenly wants to...”


“No mummy you don't understand” Fallon cut off her excuses. “He needs you, please say you'll come?” Fallon sounded like if she was about to burst into tears. “Please mummy we all need you here, you must come before it's too late...” There was something in Fallon's voice that set the alarm bells off.


“Too late for what?” Alexis wondered, as it suddenly became harder to breathe. “Fallon you're not telling me something. What's going on? Is it one of the children?”


“The children are fine” Fallon replied, and Alexis sighed of relief before another thought entered her mind. “So it's Blake then?”


“I can't tell you on the phone. Just get here as soon as you can...”


“Okay so that means it is Blake. What happened to him? Did he have a heart attack or something?”


“No”


“Is he sick then?”


“Mum, please there's no time to play 20 questions. Dad wants to see you, so will you come?”


“Okay I'm at the tailor's right now, trying on a new dress for the Easter party, after that I am going to swing by the office for a board meeting, then I have a business dinner and...”


“Cancel everything. There's no time for that”


“Fallon you're scaring me. What's happened to Blake since he suddenly wants to see me?”


“I'll fill you in as soon as you'll get here, just promise me that you'll cancel your appointments”


“Okay I guess I could ask my secretary to reschedule things” Alexis gave in. “So I'd be there in about an hour, ok?”


“Thanks mum, I love you” Fallon said. Her words touched Alexis as her daughter normally wasn't one to talk about feelings”


“Love you too baby, see you soon” Alexis said softly before hanging up and then calling her secretary. “Hey John it's me...” Alexis began only to be interrupted by her secretary who told her his name was Eric. “Look I don't care what your name is, I just want you to cancel all my appointment for the evening. Don't ask me why, something's come up. So just do it, ok?”


“Of course Mrs. Colby”


“Thanks that's better” Alexis said before she hung up and started changing back to her normal clothes. She didn't like to admit it, but the phone call from Fallon had her worried, as something was obviously up at the mansion. Something that was too horrible to talk about on the phone. Alexis didn't know what it was yet, but she was going to make damn sure that Fallon told her everything when she saw her, as nobody kept Alexis Colby in the dark and got away with it...


To be continued...

 

[Jessie]

I have not read many Dynasty Fanfictions before. I really loved reading this. It was great reading about how Blake and Alexis met. You are writing Alexis perfectly. I hope you update your story soon. I wonder what is wrong with Blake? ❤

 

[ArchieLucasCarringtonEwing1989]

Great fanfic, I need more lol

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you for the feedback StrangerDynastyTreeNat89 and Jessie.
I'm glad you thought I wrote Alexis perfectly since this is my one and only Dynasty fanfic...

Here's another update and you will find out what's wrong with Blake in this part:


Chapter 2



This was not the way Alexis Morrell had fantasized that her wedding was going to be like. Ever since she was a little girl she'd always wanted a big fancy church wedding with all her family and friends there. Now standing here in front of the minister at a cheap wedding chapel in Las Vegas, USA of all places, she knew that sadly her dream of a big English church wedding was never going to come true. Still glancing at the man she was going to marry she knew that it didn't matter. 'No all that matters is that Blake's going to be mine for the rest of our lives and no one's going to stop us from getting married' Alexis reflected. She knew that it was madness to elope like they had done. Yet considering the situation she was in she really didn't have much of a choice. Her mother had always warned her not to sleep with any man before being married and Alexis now knew why there was a sense in that. Since she and Blake had done the deed already she was now two months pregnant and therefore she had to marry him.



Unfortunately her mother didn't like Blake and thought that he wasn't good enough for her little girl. So when she'd heard that Blake had proposed and that Alexis had accepted she had refused to declare their engagement and worse she had insisted on that Alexis find someone better, like a duke or a baron to marry. She'd even arranged a marriage for Alexis with the earl of Nottingham. The only thing her mother didn't understand was that Alexis wouldn't stand for being married off to some old geezer she didn't even like. She loved Blake and didn't want anyone else. Blake might not be that rich or powerful yet but Alexis could see the potential in him and she believed in him enough to know that there would come a day when he'd make it to the top. She knew that he would make it since there was no way that she was going to spend the rest of her life being married to a loser. No Blake had promised her a glorious future with a house of their own, a household staff, lots of gifts and children and Alexis was going to hold him to those promises. Still Alexis knew that she loved him enough to stand by him if things got tough. So she took her vows seriously as she spoke them without faltering.



“I Alexis Marissa Morrell, take thee Blake Alexander Carrington, to be my lawfully wedded husband. My partner in life, the father of my children and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through times of failure and through times of triumphs. Regardless of the obstacles we may face together, I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this day forward for as long as we both shall live” Alexis looked deep into Blake's brown eyes as she spoke her vows and in that moment it felt like the rest of the world just faded away and all that existed was her and Blake. After they had both said their vows they exchanged gold rings. Then in less than ten minutes the ceremony was over and the priest pronounced them husband and wife.



“You may now kiss the bride” the priest said and as their lips met in a marvelous kiss Alexis felt like her life had just begun. Then when their lips parted and Blake looked deep into her emeralds eyes and said.



“I love you Mrs. Carrington” Alexis could feel her heart overflow with joy as nothing made her happier than being Mrs. Carrington. She really liked the ring to her new name.



“I love you too Mr. Carrington” Alexis replied with a smile, as she was sure that her life together with Blake was going to be absolutely wonderful...



“Mrs. Colby, Mrs. Colby wake up. We're almost at the Carrington mansion now Mrs. Colby” her chauffeurs voice awoke her from the most pleasant dream about her past. For a moment Alexis was completely disorientated, as she found herself wondering why the man had called her Mrs. Colby when her name was Mrs. Carrington. But then she remembered. She was in deed Mrs. Colby now. She and Blake had been divorced for decades and the only reason why she was on her way to their former home now was because Fallon had called and begged her to come. Alexis frowned as the content of Fallon's conversation flooded back to her. Considering how worried she'd been when she'd gotten into the car Alexis was surprised that she'd dozed off at all. But she had and it certainly was bittersweet to remember her wedding day considering the fact that they'd both violated their marriage vows. 'Yet Blake broke more of our vows than I did. I was only unfaithful, he on the other hand stopped loving me and fathered a child with someone else' Alexis reflected painfully. Since it hurt to think of how Blake constantly told her he didn't love her when she tried to tell him that she still loved him. If anything her love for him only seemed to have grown over the years.



It was frustrating too since no matter how hard she'd tried to make him remember he'd completely blocked their time together out of his memories. He always insisted that he loved Krystle now and not her and in the light of that it really hurt to remember that the man had promised that she would be his one true love that he'd love for the rest of his life. Sometimes when she saw him she wondered how he could not remember their past when she seemed to remember every little detail about him and their time together. She'd tried several times to seduce him, to give him hints that would make him remember, that would make him love her again. Yet the only time he'd remember was when they were in Singapore and he was suffering from amnesia. Still even then she hadn't been able to get him to sleep with her until the very last night. Somehow Alexis had always believed that if she could just get him back into her bed he'd be hers again. Then she would make him forget all about his Sterling Krystle. But unfortunately he had still left her for Krystle the very next day, just like their night together meant nothing to him. It had meant everything to her though and after that one moment in time when he'd loved her like if she'd never left, Alexis had ended up wanting Blake back even more. Even now she still wanted him. Not that it mattered though, as deep in her heart she knew that it was hopelessly too late.



Fallon hadn't told her straight out on the phone, but Alexis had a sinking feeling in her stomach that Blake was ill. 'Only question is how ill?' Alexis reflected as the Rolls Royce pulled up in front of the Carrington mansion. For a moment she just sat there in the back of her car as she looked at her former home through the tiled car window. It was the house Blake had built for her and yet it hadn't been her home for decades. So here she was again, on the outside looking in on the life that could have been hers if Blake hadn't divorced her. Usually coming here made Alexis feel nostalgic and sad. Not that anyone would have noticed as Alexis had gotten so good at hiding her true feelings behind a mask of sarcasm. Most of the time she used her sharp tongue to insult people rather than letting them see how vulnerable she really was. But today wasn't a normal day and instead of feeling nostalgic like she normally did when she got here, all Alexis felt today was fear. Since even if Fallon had refused to tell her what was going on Alexis gut feeling told her that whatever it was it couldn't be good news. So maybe that's why she lingered so long in the car today, since a part of her just didn't want to know what was wrong. As long as she was out here she could close her eyes and pretend that everything was alright. Yet she couldn't remain out here forever. Not when her daughter was expecting her arrival. So Alexis took one last look at herself in the compact mirror, before she took a deep breath, put on her sun glasses and got out of the car.



Alexis had thought that she was ready to face whatever was awaiting her inside of the mansion. But she had been sorely mistaken as no one could have prepared her for this. Alexis had barely made it in through the door before Fallon came running towards her. Alexis could tell immediately that something was very wrong as Fallon's eyes were red from crying. Her auburn hair was a mess. Her cheeks were pale. Looking straight into her daughter's blue-green eyes Alexis could feel a chill run down her spine as they were hallow. The otherwise so vibrant woman looked like someone had sucked the life out of her. 'Oh my God. Something's definitely wrong' Alexis reflected, as the only other time she could remember seeing her daughter like that was when they had believed that Steven was dead.



“Oh My God, Fallon what's wrong?” Alexis wondered, as her daughter threw herself around her neck and gave her a big hug.



“Mummy thank God you're here” Fallon said once she'd broken the hug. Alexis tried to search for the answers in Fallon's pretty face.



“I came as fast as I could. Can you please tell me what's going on now? I don't like to be kept guessing” Alexis demanded.



“It's daddy” Fallon confirmed Alexis' fear.



“What about Blake?”



“He's got...” Fallon swallowed down the lump in her throat and Alexis could feel her stomach clench as she steeled herself for the bad news. “He's got...”



“He's got what Fallon?” Alexis asked alarmed.



“Cancer” Fallon broke down in tears in her mother's arms as she uttered the dreaded word. 'Cancer'. The word stung her like a bee and Alexis felt her face lose all it's color as she hissed:



“Cancer?”



“Yes” Fallon nodded. “Oh mummy it's awful” Fallon sobbed, as Alexis took her into her arms in a comforting hug. Alexis would never admit it, but at that moment she needed the hug just as much as her daughter as she was utterly shocked by the news. 'So Blake's got cancer' Alexis tried to grasp what her daughter had been telling her and what it might mean for this family.



“It is, but they caught it in time, right?” Alexis asked in a small voice. “I mean he's going to be alright, right?”



“No they caught it too late, it's spread” Fallon sighed.



“Meaning what?”



“That he's dying” Fallon confirmed her worst fears. 'Blake's dying?' Alexis couldn't believe it as she's always thought of the man as indestructible.



“No I don't believe that” Alexis shook her head.



“But it's true mum”



“How long have you known?”



“Four months”



“Four months?” Alexis echoed, before her initial shock was replaced by anger. “So why haven't I been told about this before?”



“Daddy made us promise not to tell you. He didn't want you to know”



“Yeah but still, four months is a long time to withhold something like this. I mean if you've told me before I could have flown in the best doctors in the world for his surgery and...”



“Mum didn't you hear me?”Fallon almost shouted. “It's not gonna be any surgery. It's too late” then her voice broke before she went on in a mellow tone of voice. “The cancer's spread. There's nothing we can do”



“Oh come on Fallon there's gotta be something we can do. Has he gotten a second opinion?”



“No...”



“Well then he needs to get a second opinion. I mean what if the doctor's wrong? What if it's not cancer after all. Maybe the tumor's not cancerous” Alexis defense mechanisms were working over time as she could feel herself getting all the more hysterical, as she tried to cling on to whatever hope there was.



“I wish to God that's been true. But it's not. Daddy's really dying and the doctor says he might not last the night”



“You mean to tell me that Blake can die any time now?”



“Yes”



“So that's why he asked for me. To say goodbye?” Alexis voice faltered, as it suddenly dawned on her. Seeing her daughter nod Alexis could feel her own tears leaving hot stains on her cheeks. She hadn't even noticed that she'd started to crying. But apparently she was. 'Oh My God, Blake's really dying' Alexis reflected as she could feel the mixed emotions build within her. Anger, hurt, pain, sadness, confusion and fear all mixed in one. For the third time in her life Alexis felt powerless. The last time she'd felt that way was when Blake had decided to end their marriage. She hadn't wanted to divorce him but as she recalled he hadn't cared one bit about her feelings...



Twenty-eight year old Alexis Carrington had almost everything a woman could want. Money, social status, a stable full of horses, a huge mansion, a tennis court, a swimming pool, lots of designer clothes, expensive jewelry, Ming vases, paintings and a private plane that could jet her off to the other side of the world for lunch. She was married to one of the most powerful men in Denver and they had two adorable children, the daughter Fallon was 9 years old and the boy Steven would be 7 later this week. Yes to the outside world the Carringtons seemed like the picture perfect family. Yet if you scratched a little under the surface you soon realized that they were anything but. Since despite having everything she could possibly want, Alexis had not been happy for a long time. She hated being a housewife as it bored her out of her mind. She loved her children and enjoyed painting, yet lately not even them could keep her satisfied. She needed a man to feel loved and since her husband was neglecting her and was always away on business trips she had started taking lovers. It had been going on for years and yet Blake had never suspected that she could betray him. That was until two months ago when he'd caught her red handed with Roger Grimes.



Alexis wasn't sure why she'd taken the chance of sleeping with Roger in her marital bed when she knew that her husband was expected back later that day. It was almost like if she had wanted to get caught and when Blake finally did catch her cheating on him a part of her had felt relieved. Because when her secret was out in the open she and Blake had to face their marital problems. Seeing Blake beating Roger to a bloody pulp had convinced Alexis that he did love her after all. She had growled for forgiveness and had convinced him to give their marriage another chance. Blake had reluctantly agreed once she had promised never to see Roger again. It was a promise that she'd kept until today when she'd stopped by Roger's room at the hospital.



She hadn't gone to the hospital to see Roger. She had gone there to see her Gynecologists since she suspected that she might be pregnant. Her suspicions turned out to be true, she was 7 weeks pregnant and Alexis was now for the first time in months really happy. She had cleared the air with Roger and bid him farewell. It had felt good to let him go, as she was committed to making her marriage work and in order to do that she needed to give up her lovers and sleep exclusively with her husband. She was also excited about the new baby who she was convinced was going to bring her and Blake closer together. After her visit at the hospital she had gone on a shopping spree. Before she'd returned home to share the good news with her family. Seeing Blake's car in the driveway Alexis smiled to herself. Her husband was at home early from the office for a change and it was perfect since she couldn't wait to tell Blake the happy news.



She had looked for her husband in the library at first. But when she didn't find him there she'd decided to try their bedroom. Alexis was positively glowing when she walked up the stairs, as she just knew that things were going to work out now. 'I wonder what he'll say when I tell him we're going to have another baby?' Alexis smiled to herself, as she could imagine her husband taking her into her arms and showering her with kisses. Then the next day he would come with a pregnancy gift. They would make love tenderly and he would be so grateful to her for giving him another baby. Unfortunately all her fantasies quickly evaporated the moment when she walked in through their bedroom door and was faced with the harsh reality. Because there was Blake, with his back turned against her, packing a suitcase.



“Oh no don't tell me that you're going away again. You know how much I hate it when you're going away on business trips” Alexis complained when she entered the room.



“Don't worry the bag's not for me but for you” Blake stated coldly, as he zipped it up.



“We're going away on a vacation together?” Alexis asked hopeful.



“No, I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago. I'm kicking you out” Blake said, as he turned around to face her. “Now here's your suitcase” he tried to give her the bag but when Alexis refused to take it he put it down on the carpet.



“What?” Alexis couldn't believe her ears. “I don't understand...”



“Okay then let me make it perfectly clear to you, I've had it with you. I can't trust you anymore so this marriage is over” Blake said and seeing the coldness in his brown eyes Alexis couldn't help but shiver as there wasn't an ounce of tenderness left for her in them.



“No Blake you can't do that. I mean we agreed to give us another chance” Alexis pleaded with her husband as she walked up to him and touched his arm. But Blake shook off her hand as quick as if he'd burnt himself. Before he angrily lashed out at her.



“Yes but you also promised to stay away from Roger Grimes but you just couldn't do that, now could you? You just had to go see him at the hospital now, didn't you Alexis?”Blake shouted at her.



“How do you know that?”Alexis could feel the color leave her cheeks. “Did you have me followed?” Alexis wondered if her husband could sink so low. Her suspicions were confirmed by the fact that her husband refused to answer her. Since if he hadn't he would just deny it.



“It doesn't matter how I know. The thing is I know Alexis. So what did you and your lover boy talk about behind my back. Did you laugh at me?”Blake argued.



“No it wasn't like that. I just went to visit him since he was ill. Blake you've got to have some mercy for the man. After all you were the one who put him in the hospital”



“Well if I'd known that you would go to see him I would have done more than just put him at the hospital. I would have killed him” the hatred in his brown eyes scared Alexis.



“Blake! You can't mean that now, can you?”



“Yes I do bloody mean it. The man's scum Alexis and I hate to think of how he put his filthy little fingers all over you and I bet that he's not the only one either. How many men have you had Alexis? How many men have touched your breasts and kissed your lips behind my back Alexis?”



“What is this a cross examination?” Alexis dodged the question, as her shaking fingers lit up a cigarette to calm her nerves.



“Damn it woman, answer my question, have you been unfaithful to me before Roger?” Blake grabbed hold of Alexis arm, making her drop the cigarette. Alexis looked down.



“Smart thinking Blake, how about if we start a little fire in here” Alexis mocked him as she bent down. But before she had a chance of picking up the cigarette he stomped it out with his foot.



“It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't insisted on smoking those damn things. Now answer my question. Have there been other men Alexis?” In that moment she hated him. She hated him for taking away her smoke. She hated him for questioning her and for going away so much.



“Damn it Blake if you'd only been the husband I thought you'd be I'd never cheated. If you'd only been there for me, I wouldn't have needed to seek comfort in the arms of other men”



“So you'll admit that there's been other men before Roger?”



“Yes there's been other men” Alexis finally spat out. Then feeling the need to hurt Blake as much as he was hurting her she maliciously went on. “You know, I've been sleeping with other men almost right from the start. But you've just been too busy to notice. In fact I'm not even sure that Fallon's even your daughter!” The slap on her cheek that followed hurt.



“Damn you Alexis”



“Well the truth hurts now, doesn't it?”Alexis yelled provocatively.



“That's not the truth, it's a bloody lie and I don't believe you” Blake yelled as he grabbed hold of her shoulders and pushed her down on the bed. At that moment he saw red. He was so consumed by hatred for this woman who was supposed to be his and his only.



“Believe what you want. But that doesn't change things”



“No you're a slut Alexis” Blake spat out. As he leaned down over her. “In fact all of Denver knows what a slut you are Alexis, I've just been too blind to see it before” Rather than objecting Alexis decided to change her technique. If reasoning with Blake didn't work, she sure as hell knew something that did.



“Fine I'm a slut Blake. So how about you putting your hands all over me and reclaiming what's yours?”



“You disgust me”



“No, I turn you on and you know it” Alexis replied wickedly before she used Blake's tie to pull him down to him.



“Alexis...” Blake tried to object.



“No don't fight it, you know that you want it” Alexis purred, before she met his lips in a passionate kiss. After a moment's struggle he gave in and kissed her back with a passion. 'Oh yes, that's more like it' Alexis heart sang out to her, as she could sense that she had him now. Still to make sure that he forgot all about their argument she also wrapped her legs around his waist as she started to rub up against him. She devoured his mouth and rolled them around so she ended up on top of him. Then she started to unbutton his shirt, as she trailed a hot line of kisses down his chest. Meanwhile her hand found it's way inside of his pants. Blake groaned as she started to massage him. “Please Blake if you'll just give me one more chance to make it up to you” Alexis whispered. “I'd do anything” she added, as she kissed her way down his stomach. It became clear to Blake that if he didn't stop her soon she was about to blow his mind off by pleasing him orally. Although a part of him throbbed for her and was more than willing to be worked up to an orgasm, he didn't want to give in. Fortunately for Blake all he had to do was think of the many other men who'd been at her mercy like this to lose his desire.



“No Alexis, sex won't get you anywhere this time” Blake eventually found the strength to push her away. In doing so he left her sitting on the bed.



“Don't be silly of course it will” Alexis tried to persuade him. But he added even more distance between them by standing up and grabbing the suitcase before she could try to change his mind again.



“No, I've made up my mind and there's nothing you can do to change things” Blake lifted up the suitcase and pushed it into the arms of Alexis. “I'm throwing you out and that's final”



“But you can't do that, this is my home” Alexis objected.



“I can and I will”Blake insisted as he helped her stand up.



“But what about the children?” Alexis played her triumph card.



“The children will be doing fine without you” Blake replied coldly.



“But I'm their mother” Alexis objected.



“Unfortunately that's a fact that can't be changed. However given enough time I'm sure they'll forget all about you”



“What are you saying? You can't forbid me from seeing my own children” Alexis yelled in a shrill voice as tears started to well up in her eyes.



”Maybe not but I can make you a deal. I'll give you five million dollars in a divorce settlement and alimony payment of $ 15 000 dollars a month if you'll just stay the hell away from Denver”

“Do you really think I'm that much of an unfit mother? That I would abandon my own flesh and blood for money?”Alexis was hurt by his proposition.



“That's exactly what I'm saying”



“No I'm not I love my children” Alexis objected, as the tears started to roll down her cheek. Just the main thought of being parted from her children hurt her very soul. ”There will be no deal”



”Fine have it your way then. So if the deal's off I'll just have to drag you through court instead and once I'm through with you, proving just what a cheating, lying whore you are there won't be a court in the state of Colorado who won't give me custody of the kids and then you won't see a penny either” Blake threatened her.


”Please Blake, don't do this. I don't want a divorce. I still love you and I want our marriage to work. I know I've let you down but there's gotta be some way I can make it up to you...” Alexis pleaded with him. She was crying openly now. But unfortunately not even her tears could touch Blake's heart, as he remained cold towards her.



”Alexis at this point there's nothing you can do”



”I don't know about that there's gotta be a way. How about if we'll have another baby, would you like that?” Alexis was grasping at straws but she needed to tell him about her condition before he went ahead and ruined everything.



“No, we won't have any more children and you know why?”



”No” Alexis shook her head.



”Because hell will have to freeze over before I'll ever sleep with you again” Blake said maliciously.



“Well maybe you should have thought about that before”



“Before what Alexis?” Blake challenged her. 'Before knocking me up' Alexis finished the sentence mentally. The words were at the tip of her tongue and a part of her felt temped to tell Blake that she was already pregnant right now. Yet the words got stuck in her throat



“Nothing” Alexis made up her mind. If Blake was going to keep her children from her she would repay him by keeping this baby from him.



”Good so now make up your mind, you can have an amicable divorce where you'll come away several million dollars richer or you can have a nasty one where you'll come away with nothing and in either case I'll keep the kids. I don't think visitation rights would be a good idea. It will just give you a chance to poison their innocent little minds against me. No I think the best thing for you to do is just disappear.” Blake said bitterly and Alexis could feel her spirit sink.



”Do you really hate me that much?” she asked in a small voice.



”Right now yes” Blake replied. “So what's it gonna be?” The question was provoking and realizing that Blake had painted her into a corner Alexis knew she really didn't have much of a choice.



“Fine, I'll take your bloody money, but some day you're gonna end up regretting this” Alexis finally gave in as she took the packed suitcase that he was offering her.



“Somehow I doubt it, goodbye Alexis”



“Bye Blake” Alexis replied as she walked out slamming the door to their bedroom, and with that eleven years of marriage came to an end and a wound that never had completely healed opened up in her heart...



”Mum!” Fallon's demanding voice once more brought her out of her memories. Alexis shivered, as she tried to block out the unpleasant memories.



”What?” Alexis asked a bit annoyed.



”I said we need to go see dad now” Fallon repeated and Alexis could feel the panic well up inside of her, as the idea of seeing a sick Blake wasn't appealing to her. 'I can't deal with this. I can't visit Blake on his death bed. Why would he even want me to? It's not like we've been close for years. So why is he asking for me now?' Alexis pondered.



“Oh I don't know if I can Fallon. I mean if your father's really sick maybe my presence will only upset him and...”



“Mother that's a lot of bullocks and you know it! Dad specifically asked for you so don't you dare going home before you've at least seen him” Fallon insisted and Alexis sighed, since she knew that there was no use arguing with Fallon when she was in that kind of mood.



“Alright, alright let's go see him quickly so we can get it over with” Alexis finally gave in. Mother and daughter then made their way upstairs in silence, as they were both deep within their own thoughts. Once they'd made it to the master bedroom, they stopped on the other side of the door as Fallon turned to her mother and said:



“Okay remember that he is very sick so be nice and try not to upset him” Alexis swallowed hard as she said.



“I told you this wasn't a good idea, maybe we should just forget about it?”



“Mother, don't try to squirm your way out of this. You will regret it later if you don't go in and say your goodbyes. I mean after all you and daddy used to love each other once”



“Not used to, I still love your father Fallon” Alexis corrected a somewhat surprised Fallon. Her daughter looked stunned for a moment before her lips curved into a half smile.



“Well then that's all the more reason why you should go see him” Fallon said, as she gave her mother's arm a gentle push. “Ready?”



“Yes” Alexis nodded, even though she felt nothing but. 'Since how do you really say goodbye to the love of your life?' Alexis pondered, as she followed Fallon into the master bedroom...



To be continued...

 

[Jessie]

Awesome but really sad. I think Alexis always did love Blake. The flashbacks were great than she finds out Blake has cancer. I wonder what Blake will say to her? I love your writing this story is amazing.

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you Jessie. I'm glad that you think this story is amazing.
You'll find out now what Blake will say to Alexis:


Chapter 3


Alexis felt like she was walking straight into a lions den. Blakes room was rather dark, as the drapes were pulled for the windows, so the sunlight didn't reach it. Alexis was not at all surprised to find the sterling Krystle and that daughter of hers sit by Blake's side. They were blocking her view so she couldn't even see the man who was laying in the bed, but she supposed it was Blake. There were five more people in the room, as her eyes had gotten adjusted to the darkness she recognized them as Jeff, Kirby and her children; Adam, Steven and Amanda. 'Steven's flown in from Washington? I guess Blake really must be sick' Alexis could feel a tug at her heart as she for the first time realized that Fallon might be right. 'Maybe Blake's really dying' Alexis could feel the panic rise inside of her, as her youngest son got up to greet her.


“Mother, I'm so glad you're here” Steven said as he gave her a warm hug.


“Steven. I didn't know you were in Denver” Alexis said in an emotional voice.


“I only got here last night...” Steven swallowed. “When Fallon told me about dad, I knew I had to come”


“So Blake's really that ill?” Alexis wondered. But before Steven could answer she could hear a deep voice she would have recognized anywhere. He sounded frail but it was unmistakeably Blake's voice and he was asking for her.


“Fallon is your mother here yet?”


“Yes, she's just arrived” Fallon replied.


“Then why doesn't she come over here so that I can see her?” Blake complained.


“She's talking to Steven” Fallon informed him.


“Oh but can't she do it later?” Blake wondered. “I need to see her first” Blake paused before he called out her name. “Alexis!” There was something about his way of calling her name that reminded her of old times.


“Sorry Steven, but your father has summoned me” Alexis said jokingly. Before she started to walk over to Blake's bed. “Yes Blake, I'm here!” she said, as she sat down on Blake's right side, next to Amanda. Alexis could feel a pair of blue eyes bore into her side, so she looked up and saw Krystle give her the cold fish eye from where she sat on Blake's left side. It was obvious that Krystle wasn't too happy that the first Mrs. Carrington had arrived on the scene. Alexis decided not to let Krystle ruin the moment, as she made a mental note never to see the plastic surgeon that Krystle's been to, as the blond bimbo's face was so stiff you could barely even recognize it anymore. 'Ouch her plastic surgeon sure has done a number on her, she looks absolutely dreadful' Alexis realized satisfied. 'No wonder Blake's been asking for me, when that's what he has to wake up next to every morning' Alexis smiled to herself. Yet her small victory over Krystle was short lived as she then turned her attention to Blake and having a first good look at him she realized that the reason why she and Krystle were rivals was soon a none issue. Since she'd never seen Blake look as fragile before. Taking one good look at him and she realized just how ill he was. 'Oh no, Fallon wasn't lying when she said he was dying' Alexis knew it the moment she saw him. She'd last seen Blake three months ago at Adam's birthday party and the difference between then and now was horrifying, as Blake looked like he'd lost 25 pounds in weight, his face was more lined than she remembered, his brown eyes were tired, his lips almost blue and his hair all white. He looked so skinny and fragile that Alexis could feel the lump grow in her throat, as she tried to fight back her tears. But it was useless, just the sight of Blake made her green eyes well over.


“Alexis, I am so glad that you came” Blake's eyes softened a bit and a small smile lingered in the corner of his mouth as he recognized her. “I need to talk to you”


“Okay I am here, talk” Alexis replied.


“No alone" Blake insisted, as he looked from Alexis to the other people in the room. “You don't mind, do you?” he asked, and their children hurried to get up.


“No of course not” Adam replied.


“We'll be right outside if you'll need us” Amanda insisted and their children, Krystina, Jeff and Kirby got up and quickly left the room. Blake then looked at Krystle and added.


“You too Krystle...”


“But Blake...”


“No buts, what I have to say is between Alexis and me” Blake insisted. “Will you please leave us alone for a few minutes?” Hearing Blake tell Krystle off made Alexis heart sing with joy and if Blake hadn't been so sick Alexis might have gloated or said something nasty but as it was now, she couldn't find it in her heart to do so since she shared the other woman's pain.


“Alright, but I'll be waiting outside so if she'll give you a hard time just summon me” Krystle finally gave up.


“Thanks darling, but I don't think that will be necessary” Blake replied. Krystle then leaned down and demonstratively gave Blake a kiss on the mouth before she left the room. As the door closed behind Krystle, Alexis found herself alone with Blake in their old bedroom. It was a moment she'd often dreamed about in the past 30 years. Yet her victory didn't bring her any joy since the knowledge that she was losing Blake was weighing heavily on her mind. Silent tears run down her face, as she looked at the man who laid before her. It was hard to imagine that he was the same man who she'd fallen in love with all those years ago, as he looked so sick and fragile. He was just a shadow of the powerful man he'd once been. Taking his hand into her own she said:


“Oh Blake, Fallon told me that you were sick but I never thought that...” Alexis voice broke as she couldn't get the words out.


“I was dying?” Blake finished the sentence for her and Alexis sobbed.


“Yeah, you are, aren't you?”


“I am” Blake confirmed. “But don't you waste your tears on me, you hear me?”


“I'm sorry it's just that it's so hard to see you like this”


“Like what, helpless?”


“Yes” Alexis nodded.


“It's not easy to be like this either” Blake sighed. “Unfortunately it's a path we all have to walk down sooner or later and being like this does put things in perspective”


“I guess, so what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”


“Our divorce” his answer threw her since she hadn't expected that. It was a topic Alexis would rather avoid but before she could object Blake went on. “You'll see I've been thinking a lot lately about you and me and Roger Grimes and the way things ended and I...” Blake suddenly stopped mid-sentence as he started to cough really badly. Seeing him in so much pain Alexis could feel herself getting all worried about him. It brought out her nurturing side as she said:


“Oh Blake it doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. Don't try to talk, you just rest and...”


“No Alexis” Blake cut her off. “I need to get this off my chest, since it does matter” Blake insisted and seeing a spark of the old determination when he spoke to her Alexis knew better than to argue with him.


“Okay go on...”


“Like I've said I've been thinking a lot lately about us and I've slowly come to realize that I was wrong and...” Blake once more stopped as he started to cough. “Alexis could you?” Blake gestured to her that he wanted some water. So Alexis lifted the water glass to his lips and Blake drank from the glass.


“Thank you” Blake said, as she put the glass down.


“You're welcome, so you were saying?” Alexis asked as she was almost convinced that she'd heard the all mighty Blake Carrington finally admit that he'd made a mistake in throwing her out of the house all those years ago and no matter how sick he was she had waited too many years to hear him say that to want him to stop now.


“That I never should have forbidden you to see the children” Blake admitted. “I mean over the years you have proven over and over again just how much you love them and you have missed out on so much time with them because of me. It was selfish of me to deprive them of their mother just because of my wounded pride. I was angry with you so I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me and to do that I had to take away the one thing that mattered the most to you”


“Our children”


“Yes, bare with me Alexis, since this is not easy to say but I feel like I need to ask you for your forgiveness”


“Oh Blake do you have any idea how long I've waited to hear you say that?”


“45 years to be precise but who's counting?”


“I guess you do, if you ask me I have better things to do with my time than to sit and cry over the past” said Alexis and Blake managed a smile.


“So does that mean you'll forgive me” Blake searched Alexis emerald eyes for an answer as she went silent for what seemed like an eternity. Then when she finally spoke her answer was not the one he had been expecting.



“I don't think I am the one you'll need forgiveness from” Alexis said solemnly. “It's the children who suffered the most so why don't you ask them?”


“I have and they have already forgiven me. For so long I thought that was enough. But it's not” Blake sighed. “I need you to forgive me Alexis, can you find it in your heart to do so?” Alexis seemed to ponder her answer for a moment and once more her answer was not the one he had been expecting.


“If you can forgive me” Alexis said softly.


“Forgive you?” Blake wondered.


“Yes for not telling you about Amanda, if I had just told you I was pregnant maybe things would have turned out differently for us. But I just gave up”


“So did I, but if Amanda can forgive us for not being there for her when she was a child I guess we can forgive each other”


“I suppose but it's not just that though. I mean when things started to go bad in our marriage I could have tried to talk to you. To tell you what I needed. But instead I sought comfort in the arms of other men. If I hadn't cheated on you, you wouldn't have had a reason to throw me out in the first place. So in some way you can say that I brought this situation on myself and...”


“That's nonsense Alexis” Blake cut her off. “I mean it does take two to make a marriage work and after Adam's been kidnapped I pushed you away. I buried my pain under a pile of paper work instead of sharing it with you. I didn't let you in and I should have had”


“I know but we both made so many mistakes”


“We did but we were young” Blake said.


“We were” Alexis agreed.


“It's strange how fast the time flies by. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday when we met and not a lifetime ago...”


“I know, time sure goes by too fast”


“It does, I remember when we first met how I thought you were just about the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen” Blake paused for a moment before adding in a beat. “You still are”


“Thanks Blake that's sweet of you” Alexis almost blushed, since that was about the last thing she'd expected him to say. “Still you can't be serious. I mean I've aged so much...”


“We both have and yes I am serious. You've aged gracefully Alexis”


“If you'll say so. I guess I'd be a fool to argue with that” Alexis said lightheartedly. “You've aged well too Blake” she then complemented him back, even though right now he looked just about anything but well. Looking at him now she could feel something tug at her heart. “I'm just sad we couldn't grow old together. I guess I didn't realize just what I had lost until it was too late” she said reflectively.


“Neither did I” Blake finally admitted. “At times I couldn't help but wondering what our lives could have been like if I hadn't thrown you out”


“Really? So it wasn't just me then...” Alexis could feel her heart skip a beat at Blake's confession, as she'd dreamed for him to say this for so long.


“No it wasn't just you” Blake sighed. “I thought about you more often than I'd like to admit. After all it took me years to move on and even when I had there were moments when I couldn't help but wondering what could have been, especially after Singapore”


“Ah Singapore, yes that was definitely bittersweet, for a week I could have you back just like if I'd never left. Then when you've gotten your memory back you just walked away like if you'd never loved me at all”


“No it wasn't like that...”


“Wasn't it?” Alexis inquired and Blake frowned.


“Okay maybe it was exactly like that” Blake paused as he pondered for a moment about the situation before he went on. “I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I didn't mean to...”


“I'm sorry too. I never meant to hurt you either Blake. I mean I love you, you might find it hard to believe Blake but I have always loved you” Alexis said softly and for the first time in years her words didn't ring untrue to him.


“I believe you” Blake acknowledged. “And for what it's worth I want you to know that I have loved you too”


“Thanks Blake, I needed to hear that”


“I know and I'm also glad that you came back to Denver”


“You are?” Alexis asked astonished. “Even after everything I've put you through? I mean Krystle lost her child because of me. Your child” Alexis spelled it out for him and Blake groaned.


“Alexis please let's not get into that...”


“No Blake I need to get this off my conscience” Alexis insisted before she went on in a quivering voice “I did fire that gun on purpose” Blake could feel a stab towards his heart, since there it was at last, the naked truth.“I know that it makes me an awful person, but I didn't want anyone else to have your child, I was just so consumed with jealousy that I didn't see the whole picture. I regretted it later of course and maybe that's why I tried so hard to help you when Krystina was ill. Because I somehow wanted to make it up to you...” Alexis' sentence trailed off and Blake was astonished by what she had told him. Of course a part of him had always known that Alexis had caused Krystle's miscarriage on purpose. 'But that she actually regrets it?' Blake reflected since he hadn't seen that one coming. “And I guess you wish I had never come back to Denver now, huh?” Alexis said in a small voice.


“Actually no, since you being here have made my life more colorful, not to mention longer. I mean you saved my life once, you were the first to accept Adam, you've helped me reach Steven and you've brought Amanda into my life” Blake smiled. “I think that makes up for the lost child”


“You mean that you'll forgive me?”


“Yes” Blake nodded. “Even though it's really Krystle's forgiveness you'll need” Blake frowned before he went on. “Alexis I want you to promise me something?”


“What?”


“Bury the hatches with Krystle. When I'm gone there's no reason for you to argue”


“Well maybe you should tell her that. She's the one who starts all of our fights. I mean mud wrestling and taking a swim in the lily pond is not exactly my idea of fun” Alexis said sarcastically and Blake couldn't help but laughing at that.


“I know and I have talked to Krystle about it. I think she'll leave you alone if you don't verbally attack her”


“I don't...”


“Alexis please, we both know that you have an acid tongue. That's one of the things I find so amusing about you” Blake smiled and Alexis smiled back.


“Okay, I'll try to be nice to Krystle, how's that?”


“Thank you” Blake said gratefully. “Now there's two more things I want you to do for me”


“Hey what's with being so demanding?” Alexis said jokingly.


“Well if I can't ask for things on my deathbed, when can I ask for them?” Blake replied and Alexis once more started crying as she was reminded of just why she was here. 'Blake's dying. Why does he have to die? Especially now when we've finally sorted things out' Alexis could feel her heart ache.


“Oh Blake I don't want you to die”


“I know but I've had a good life. So no more tears for those beautiful eyes, remember?”


“I remember” Alexis managed to smile as she pulled herself together.


“Now I want you to promise me that you'll be there for our children and our grandchildren”


“I promise”


“Good since when all is said and done the children is really the most important thing we've accomplished in our lives”


“I agree, our children and grandchildren are the most important people in my life”


“Mine too, no matter how bad things have been between us they are the one good thing that came out of our marriage and I am so grateful that you had them for me” Blake said in a way that made Alexis smirk. Since it was just so typically Blake to insist she'd had the children for him. 'Even on his deathbed he still talks like if the world revolved around him, but then again I guess for so many years my world has revolved around him' Alexis reflected since she knew that there had been a time when she would have given Blake anything he'd asked for. Even if it meant suffering through 20 hours of labor to produce an heir to his empire.


“I'm glad we had the children too” Alexis said softly.


“Yes they've all enriched my life so much” Blake said emotionally. “Adam's finally come into his own. He is the son I always hoped to have. The one who will follow in my footsteps. I think he knows that he's finally proven himself to me. Steven, he's the sensitive one, who's found his own path in life. I never thought I'd have a son like him and yet I am glad I did as he's made me a better person. Amanda, she's the sweet one, who reminds me of my mother. She's the one who needs us the most. Since we both failed her as a child she is always looking for reassurance”


“I know” Alexis nodded. “And Fallon?”


“Fallon will always be my little girl” Blake smiled fondly. “She's the sharpest one of them. A tomboy who grew up to be an intelligent woman with a nose for business. She's so strong, beautiful, colorful and full of life. For so many years she was like a wild horse that couldn't be tamed. She wanted to run free. She's settled down now and I am so proud of her. Out of all of our children she was always my favorite”


“I know” Alexis nodded.


“But you don't know why, do you?”


“No”


“Because she's a carbon copy of her mother” Blake's words surprised her. Of course Alexis had always known that Fallon was just like her. Still she hadn't thought that Blake had noticed.


“I know, but I wasn't sure you were aware of it”


“Oh I was aware of it alright. That's why I spoiled her rotten after you left. Everything I couldn't give you I gave Fallon. Jewelry, ponies, expensive trips and designer clothes”


“All the best things that money could buy” Alexis said sadly.


“Yes I was forever compensating for having deprived her of a mother's love. Yet the only thing I never did seem to give her enough of was my time. Just like I never gave you enough time. If I had maybe things would have turned out differently for us”


“I know but hey let's not cry over the past. It can't be changed anyway. So what was the last thing you wanted from me?”


“A goodbye kiss” Blake said softly and his words threw Alexis as it was the last thing she had expected.


“What? You can't be serious...”


“I'm definitely serious Alexis. After everything we've been to each other I need it”


“No wonder you sent Krystle out of the room”


“Is that a yes?”


“You know I've never been able to deny you anything”Alexis said softly.


“Good since I think it's about time we kiss and make up, don't you?” Blake said teasingly and despite his illness she could see something of that old twinkle in his brown eyes.


“Yes” Alexis smiled, as she gently leaned down and pressed her lips to Blake's in a tender kiss. It was a bittersweet moment since they both knew that it would be the last time they'd kiss. When their lips parted Alexis looked deep into Blake's brown eyes. He looked at her so tenderly and it seemed like he had something on the tip of his tongue. 'Can it be that he still loves me too?' Alexis wondered, as for a moment it felt like that's what he was trying to communicate with his eyes. But before he had a chance to actually tell her anything the door opened and in came Krystle and Fallon.


“Blake are you done with Alexis yet?” Krystle interrupted and the mood was forever lost.


“I'm sorry mummy and daddy, I tried to stop her but Krystle promptly wanted to see so you two weren't at each others throats” Fallon said apologetic.


“It's alright Fallon, your mother and I were about done here anyway” Blake said to Alexis' disappointment. Still knowing when she was not welcomed Alexis quickly tried to wipe the tears off her face as she said:


“Yes we've said just about everything but goodbye so I guess we should do that so I can be on my way...”


“Thank you Alexis, I think it's very sensible of you to leave Blake alone with his immediate family. He is tired so he doesn't need too many people around” Krystle said. The comment hurt but rather than letting her rival see what effect her words had on her Alexis turned to Blake and said:


“Blake, I'm gonna go now, but I am so glad that we got this chance to talk. I would have hated for you to go without us having a chance to clean the air”


“I'm glad too...” Blake smiled.


“So I guess all that remains now is to say goodbye” Alexis said with a trembling voice as she tried to stand up. Only finding that she couldn't as Blake wouldn't let go of her hand.


“No Alexis, stay” Blake objected.


“What did you say?” Alexis wasn't sure she had heard him right.


“I said don't you dare going anywhere, I want you to stay”


“Thanks Blake that's very sweet of you but I don't think that will go down well with Krystle...”


“Krystle's not dying. I am and I want you here, after all your whole family is here so this is where you belong” Blake said matter of factly.


“But Blake” Krystle tried to object.


“No Krystle, Alexis is after all the mother of four of my children and they'll need her here. So it's okay if she'll stay on for their sake, isn't it Krystle?”


“If that's what you want” Krystle replied, as she tried to swallow down her disappointment. She had hoped to get another moment alone with Blake but now with Alexis staying on in the room that seemed impossible.


“Good, now come over here Krystle” Blake said and pattered for Krystle to sit down on his other side. Krystle took his other hand and said.


“Yes Blake?”


“Now I want you to do something for me”


“Anything Blake”


“Good I want you to make peace with Alexis”


“But Blake...”


“No buts, if you ladies love me as much as you say you do surely you can bury the hatches for my sake. Or is that too difficult for you?”


“No Blake” Alexis promised and not wanting to seem like the bad one Krystle had no choice but reluctantly agree.


“Okay Blake”


“That's better, now shake hands on it” Alexis and Krystle looked annoyed at each other for a moment before Alexis was the first to offer her hand.


“Truce Krystle?” she asked.


“Truce Alexis” Krystle replied before she shook it.


“Good, now Fallon tell the others to get in here. I want my whole family to be here when I close my eyes” Blake insisted.


“Sure daddy” Fallon agreed and then went to fetch her siblings, in laws, children and nieces and nephews. Blake could feel a surge or pride inside of him when he saw his family surround his bed. He made sure to address them one on one as he said his goodbyes and then almost 48 hours later when he finally left this life behind he did so with a smile on his lips. Since he knew that he'd made his life count and left a legacy to his children and grandchildren that he could be proud over...



To Be Continued...

 

[Jessie]

Awesome but sad update. I really love your writing. It was nice to see Blake make up with Alexis before he died. It was cute how he wanted Krystle and Alexis to have a truce before he died. I think he loved Krystle but I also think he still cared for Alexis not surprising since they had 4 children together. It is sad to see Blake die but hopefully now the family can all get along like Blake wanted.
Looking forward to the next update.

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you for the feedback Jessie. I'm glad that you still love my writing even though the last update was sad.


Chapter 4

Alexis Morell didn't like to be kept waiting. Looking at the clock on the wall that was approaching five she didn't know which one was worse. Being stood up by a man or being worried about a man. Blake was three hours late and it wasn't like him. When they had decided to meet at the guest cottage on her parents’ estate in secret she could never have guessed that Blake wouldn't show. But unfortunately that seemed to be the case and right now she was fuming. 'How dare he stand me up? Or is he afraid to meet me here since he knows what I want from him?' Alexis pondered.

Her courtship with Blake Carrington felt like a whirlwind romance. They had been dating each other for four months now and Alexis had fallen head over heels in love. For the first time in her life she loved a man with all her heart. She had thought that she was in love with Galen but compared to what she felt when she was in Blake's company her romance with Galen mostly reminded her of a schoolgirls' crush. Compared to Blake, Galen was nothing but a school boy. Blake was a sophisticated business man who knew just how to woe a woman. He had taken her out on expensive dinners, to art exhibitions, the opera, theater and ballet. He had showered her with gifts too and had bought her an emerald necklace and earrings that matched the color of her eyes. On each date he brought her flowers and he was really easy to talk to. When she was in his company she felt special. Like if she was going places. Since she'd fallen passionately in love with him, Alexis had made up her mind two months ago that Blake was the one. She wanted him to take her virginity. In fact she was aching for him to turn her into a real woman. Yet in their four months courtship Blake had been very proper and a gentleman in all senses. Too much of a gentleman for Alexis taste, since she had barely gotten to second base with him. Not even when he had proposed to her on their last date after taking her out to the opera had he agreed to sleep with her. Instead he had insisted that they'd wait until after the wedding. Since Alexis was thrilled that she was going to become Mrs. Blake Carrington she had agreed to that, but only after he'd promised her that they would tie the knot this summer. Since she didn't want to wait another year.

Unfortunately her mother hadn't reacted the way she'd expected her to when she'd told her the news of their upcoming engagement. Instead of being happy for her daughter that she'd found the man she wanted to marry she had forbidden Alexis to marry Blake and had refused to declare their engagement. All because she thought Blake wasn't noble enough for her. Never mind that he was stinking rich, as he was still an American and Fallon didn't want her daughter to move to America. No instead she wanted Alexis to marry into one of the English aristocrat families. Alexis had been hurt by her mother's reaction and since she had no intention of marrying a man she didn't love she had made up a plan to seduce Blake. Since she figured that if Blake could just impregnate her, her mother would have no choice but to give them her blessing to get married.

So this afternoon Alexis had set up the perfect setting for seduction. She had arranged to meet Blake in the empty guest cottage that was located a bit into the woods on her parents' estate. She had told him it was because her mother had forbidden her to see him again that they had to meet there. They just couldn't risk being seen together in public anymore. Since he loved her and still wanted to marry her Blake had agreed to meet her there. That completed the first part of her plan. The second part of her plan was set in motion when she'd lied to her parents and said that she was going into town on a dinner date with the dreadful bore the earl of Nottingham that her mother had picked out for her to marry. So her parents didn't expect her back until later that evening. That set the stage perfectly for the final part of her plan, which was to seduce Blake. In order to achieve that Alexis had planned to make herself irresistible to him by dressing in a short summer dress with a low cut cleavage. The dress was white with a flower pattern and made the most of her legs and ample young breasts. She had also lit up a couple of candles in the house and lit the fireplace in the bedroom to set the mood just right. Then if that wasn't enough to lure him into bed Alexis had made sure to pack them a pick nick basket for lunch, complete with caviar, smoked salmon and champagne. Since if it was one thing she'd learned at her boarding school in Switzerland it was that the way to a man's heart went through his stomach. So now everything was ready and Alexis was more than ready to give herself to Blake.

The only problem was that Blake hadn't showed up. It was frustrating as Alexis needed him to show up to complete her plan. If he didn't all her scheming had been for nothing. Besides sitting there in the empty cottage all by herself Alexis finally had to admit to herself that her plan wasn't as flawless as she had thought. Because of her lies she couldn't even go home, as her parents didn't expect her back until later this evening. 'Now the only question is what am I going to do to pass my time this afternoon?' Alexis pondered to herself. Luckily for her she didn't have to wonder for long as the doorbell suddenly rang. The sound startled her at first, but then she could feel her hopes rising. 'That's gotta be Blake' Alexis heart sang out to her as she ran to the door. Checking the peak whole to make sure that it was him, Alexis smiled to herself as it was Blake alright. Alexis then hurried to open the door.

“Blake thank God that you're here” Alexis exclaimed as she threw herself into Blake's arms, never mind that she was getting all wet from hugging him. At that moment all she wanted to do was to be near him. “I've been worried sick about you”

“I'm sorry Alexis I didn't mean to worry you. But something's come up” Blake said in a way that made Alexis spider senses tingle, as she could sense that something was seriously wrong. A closer look at Blake strengthen this impression as Blake's brown slacks and blue shirt were soaked as a drained cat from the afternoon rain. His face was pale as a ghost, his brown eyes almost hallow and it looked like he'd been crying.

“Blake what's wrong?” Alexis asked in a soft voice as she for a moment felt worried that Blake had changed his mind about marrying her when he'd found out that her mother opposed the marriage.

“It's my mom” Blake replied.

“What about her?” Alexis asked as she closed the door behind them and motioned for Blake to sit down.

“There's been some sort of accident. Ben wasn't too clear on the phone but...it seems like mother's paralyzed from the hip down. The doctors thinks that she'll never walk again” Blake confided in Alexis, as they sat down on the sofa.

“Oh my God Blake, I'm so sorry. That's just awful, your poor mother” Alexis said sympathetically, as she curled up next to Blake and put her arms around him.

“Yeah it really is a bad situation. I'm not sure just how bad it is before I'll get there myself”

“Get there?” Alexis wondered.

“Yes I'm leaving on the ten o'clock flight tonight” Blake told her.

“You're leaving me?” Alexis asked in a trembling voice.

“Yes I'm afraid so. My family really needs me back home”

“I know but then why don't you take me with you?”

“Alexis, I don't know if it's such a good idea...

“Please Blake I don't want to be separated from you”

“Neither do I but in a couple of months we'll never have to be separated ever again”

“So does that mean you still want to marry me?”

“Of course it does. Why would I change my mind about that?”

“I don't know, it's just that I thought that my mother opposing to our wedding had made you change your mind...”

“Alexis darling, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you” Blake said tenderly before adding jokingly. “So it's gonna take more than a horrible mother in law to scare me off”

“Good” Alexis smiled before adding. “Even though my mom's not really that horrible when you get to know her”

“I'm glad, my mother's absolutely lovely and she's gonna love you”

“So does that mean that I can come with you to the US tonight?” Alexis asked hopefully.

“No” Blake shook his head.

“Why not?”Alexis pouted.

“Because mother's sick. Besides there's still some things I need to arrange back home before we can get married and if we're gonna elope we need to plan things better...”

“Who said anything about eloping?”

“I thought you did when you said you wanted to come with me”

“Oh that” Alexis said. “Actually I have a better plan”

“Oh and what might that be?”

“You'll impregnate me and then mother...”

“Will cut my head off! Alexis are you out of your mind?” Blake loudly objected. “That's not a plan, it's a suicide mission...”

“I know but just think of all the fun we'll be having when we're trying for a baby...”

“Oh I don't doubt that part” Blake chuckled. “It's the other part I'm worried about”

“I know but don't you think I'm worth it?”

“Oh I'm sure you are. But you're also worth waiting for...”

“But I don't want to wait any longer. I want to be a woman” Alexis lowered her voice seductively as she ran her fingers across the hairs in Blake's neck. “Your woman”

“Alexis I'm flattered but I still think we should wait...”

“And I don't. I've made up my mind Blake and I want to be with you first”

“Don't you mean you only want to be with me?” Blake asked possessively.

“Yes of course that's what I meant, so will you please make love to me?”

“I will...” Blake replied, but when Alexis leaned up to kiss him he stopped her. “After we're married...”

“Oh Blake” Alexis sighed in disappointment.

“Stop sulking Alexis. You will just have to be patient that's all...” Blake said and realizing that she wouldn't get any further with him right now Alexis knew that the best thing she could do was drop the subject. 'Maybe after a few glasses of champagne he'll see things my way' Alexis pondered to herself before she said.

“Alright, so how about some lunch?”

“I'd love some. I'm starving” Blake said.

“Good since I made us a pick nick basket” Alexis smiled. “Hold on. I'll go and get it” Alexis then got up and after a moment she came back and started to pack up the food and champagne.

“Oh you brought salmon, that's my favorite”

“I know” Alexis smiled.

“And champagne, so what's the occasion?” Blake asked as Alexis handed him a glass.

“We are” Alexis said seductively and seeing Blake raising his eyebrow at her she went on. “I mean our engagement. I figured we didn't get the time to properly celebrate”

“That's true” Blake said. “So how about a toast to us?”

“To us” Alexis beamed as they clinched their glasses and drank some. They then started to eat as they small talked and laughed about different things. Blake was surprised to find himself laughing in Alexis company as when he'd gotten there he'd been so worried about his mother. Yet Alexis always had a way to make him relax and forget about everything but her. Also the champagne surely helped him to lighten up a bit too. After a couple of drinks Blake suddenly became aware of just how sexy Alexis looked this afternoon. He really tried to keep his eyes focused on Alexis' emerald green eyes. But for some reason his eyes couldn't help but wander to her ample breast that were exposed to him, in the more than generous cleavage. 'Oh just look at her breasts, her nipples are all hard for me and she's not wearing a bra and...' Blake could feel himself getting worked up just by looking at Alexis. Feeling his arousal grow he suddenly snapped to his senses. 'No don't look at her breasts. Focus on her face Blake. You know it's a bad idea...it's better to wait until we're married' Blake tried to remind himself. Yet somehow his body didn't seem to agree. The mood was really set up perfect, the candle light gave the room a soft glow that made her look irresistible. Blake suddenly found himself wondering just why the room was so dark.

“So what's with the lights? Did the rain storm cut them out or something?” Blake finally asked towards the end of their meal.

“Yeah or something” Alexis smiled.

“Alexis you know what I've said about...”

“I know and the candles are not just here to set a romantic mood. I actually didn't dare turn on the lights in case someone will see us. I mean the cabin's supposed to be empty and I'm supposed to be in town”

“Oh you are a naughty girl” Blake said appreciatively.

“I know that's why you love me”

“Yeah I do love you” Blake replied,

“Good because I love you too” Alexis replied, as she sat down her glass and locked eyes with Blake. Never loosing contact with his brown eyes she leaned in closer until their lips were just inches apart. Blake closed the gap between them and suddenly their lips met in a tender kiss. The kiss soon grew passionate as Alexis wrapped her arms around his neck and stuck out her tongue and licked his lips, begging him for entrance. He let her in and as their tongues started to massage each other he wrapped his arms around her back pulling her closer to him. Alexis willingly climbed onto his lap as she straddled him. Feeling him against her stomach she could feel a thrill run through her. 'Oh yes, he wants me alright. Just like I want him' Alexis reflected,. 'Now I just have to find a way to make him see why he has to take my virginity before he leaves' Alexis pondered as her lips left his and she started to kiss her way down to his ears. Luckily she knew just which buttons to press to get her way. “So how long did you say you were going to be away from me?” Alexis whispered in his ear, before placing a couple of kisses on his neck.

“Oh I don't know, two weeks...a month at the most” Blake said.

“That long?” Alexis asked, as she started to undo Blake's tie.

“Yeah...but it'll go quickly. I'll write you and you'll write me won't you?”

“Of course I'll write you” Alexis promised, as she threw Blake's tie away. “I might even send you an invitation to my wedding...”

“What are you talking about your wedding? I thought you were getting married to me...”

“Oh that's what we want” Alexis said, as she started to unbutton Blake's shirt. “But a month is a long time Blake and if mother has her way she'll have me married off to someone else before you'll return”

“Someone else?” Blake asked, as he could feel his blood boil with jealousy.

“Yes, she has the Earl of Nottingham picked out for me. In fact she thinks I'm having dinner with him in town tonight”

“Oh is that a fact? But you'll keep deceiving her won't you?”

“Oh I'll try my best. But I don't know how long I can stall her before she'll catch on. It would be easier if you already had claimed me as yours...” Alexis let her hands slip inside of his shirt as she said this. She could feel her fingertips burn from the contact with his hard chest, as her heart was beating so fast in her chest.

“But I've already given you an engagement ring, haven't I?”

“Yes but there's more than one way to claim a person” Alexis flirted with him before she placed a chaste kiss on his lips.“An engagement ring means nothing to mother. Engagements can easily be broken. Especially if they've never been announced in the first place. A bride who's not a virgin on the other hand is much less attractive on the market...” Alexis said meaningfully as she pressed her lower body up against the bulge in his pants.

“Alexis...” Blake groaned, as he could see where she was going with this.

“I know you think I should wait until the wedding night. I get that and I could do that. But with you going away for a whole month there's always a chance that you won't be the one I'm married to if we do that, and do you really want to risk loosing me to someone else?” Alexis placed her triumph card on the table since she knew that Blake was possessive of her. 'Maybe she's right. What if I'll go home and come back too late? What if someone else gets to have her first?' Blake pondered, as he kissed his way down her neck, towards her cleavage. The idea of Alexis together with another man was enough to make Blake green with envy. 'No that's not gonna happen. Alexis is gonna be mine and mine only' Blake made a promise to himself, as he made up his mind to give in to her. 'So what if we're not married. She's practically begging me to make love to her. So then who am I to deny her?' Feeling his lips suck on her left breast through her dress as his hands grabbed her ass and pressed her up against his hardness made Alexis head spin around with joy. She just knew that he'll give her what she wanted, even before he said the words.

“There's not gonna be anyone else. I want you to be mine and mine only” Blake finally told her the words she wanted to hear.

“And you know I want to be yours only. So does that mean you'll claim me as your woman before you'll go?” Alexis asked, as Blake started to unbutton her dress.

“I thought I already was” Blake replied huskily, before his mouth found her now exposed and very erect right nipple.

“Oh yes Blake” she moaned, throwing her dark brown longish hair around. She could feel her whole body getting tensed and her breath get caught in her throat. Then Blake suddenly let go of her breast. “No don't stop” Alexis moaned and looking into her dark green eyes he knew what she wanted even before she said it. “I want you so much...”

“Then you'll have me. But not here...sex on the couch is too cheap for a first time”

“There's a bedroom upstairs” Alexis told him breathlessly.

“Good then I'll take you there” Blake smiled, as he swept Alexis up in his arms and carried her up the stairs.

“It's the room to the left” Alexis told him and as Blake entered the room he was pleased to see that Alexis had lit a fire in the fireplace and decorated the room with flowers from the garden. The smell of roses, lilies, violets and lavender filled his nostrils. The glow from the fireplace gave the room a soft light and looking from the flowers to his beautiful fiancée in his arms Blake knew that it was going to become a special evening.

Alexis could feel her heart pound wildly in her chest with excitement as Blake laid her down on the bed. He gave her a kiss before he stood up and she watched in amazement as he got undressed. His body was muscular and in good shape and seeing him naked for the first time Alexis swallowed, as she wondered if she was really ready for this. However now when she'd finally gotten him where she wanted him, there was not a chance that she was going to chicken out. Not taking her eyes off him as he laid down next to her on the bed she could feel her throat get dry as a part of her was nervous about what was to come. Another part of her was excited. 'I'm finally going to become a woman' Alexis heart sang out to her. Her mother had always warned her to have sex before she was married. Since if she did the man would dump her as soon as he'd gotten what he wanted. But in her heart Alexis knew that Blake loved her and really would marry her. So this was right since she loved Blake and she didn't want to be married to anyone but him.

“Are you sure you want us to do this?” Blake wondered.

“Yes, I've never been surer about anything in my life. I love you” Alexis replied.

“I love you too” Blake replied, before their lips met in another kiss. The passion flared up almost immediately and before long their tongues had found each other again. As they kissed he undressed her. Then when their lips finally parted he started to kiss his way down her body, worshiping it with his mouth and tongue. Alexis could feel her head start to spin as the feelings he invoked in her were so intense. Feeling her body get even tenser for him she started to run her hands down his naked back. The palms of her hand burned from touching him as there was so much fire between them tonight. Alexis could feel her pulse increase its pace as it was wildly exciting to be naked together with a man in bed. A part of her felt like she did something forbidden, something which was a part of a grown up world and it made it all the more thrilling for her. Blake rolled her panties off her and when he was done he took a moment to look at her. Her body was so young, slim and just perfect. “You're so beautiful Alexis” he told her in a husky voice. “I can't believe how lucky I am that you're going to be mine”

“I feel like I'm the lucky one” Alexis replied in a hoarse voice.

“We both are” Blake replied before they got under the covers and then she could suddenly feel his hand on her thigh, parting her legs, as he settled in between them. He played her like a fine tuned instrument, kissing her lips, neck and breasts while manipulating her sensitive nerve endings until she was on the brink of coming. He pushed her close to the edge several times as he teased her with his mouth, tongue and fingers before finally entering her. They made love three times that evening and each time felt better than the last to Alexis who found that making love was one of the best discoveries in her life...

 

[Karin Schill]

“BLAKE!” Alexis found herself waking up screaming out his name. The memories that had surfaced in her dream had felt so real that for a moment she felt disoriented. Her checks were still wet from her tears, but not from physical pain but from grief, as she'd been crying herself to sleep. There was still flower arrangements in the room, giving it a pleasant smell. But the fire was not lit in the fireplace so the room was pitch dark. She wasn't in England anymore but in the USA in the house that Blake had built for her. But she wasn't in the master bedroom with him but in the guest room. The room was so familiar and yet so foreign to her. 'What am I doing here?' Alexis pondered for a moment. As it didn't make any sense for her to be in Blake's house. Then the memories crashed over her with just as much force as a tidal wave as she remembered. She wasn't 17 anymore. She was 72 and Blake was gone. So it wasn't Blake's house anymore. Since Blake was dead. His funeral was tomorrow and she had been staying at the mansion to console their children and grandchildren. She was now the only parent they had left.

46 hours had passed since Blake had died peacefully in his sleep. But to Alexis it felt like the time had stood still since then. It had been the longest hours in her life. She had been walking around like a sleepwalker taking charge of things, since Krystle had had a nervous breakdown and was unable to do so. But not Alexis, when Blake died she had pulled herself together since she knew she had to be strong for their children. She had made all the funeral arrangements and called everyone that needed to be called. She hadn't even cried at first. Maybe it was because the shock was too severe and she just couldn't believe that he was really gone. She had been the rock of the family, the shoulder that everyone else cried on and she'd heard the whispers behind her back that it was just so typically Alexis behavior. That she couldn't possibly have loved Blake from the way she was behaving. Yet in her heart Alexis knew that she did love Blake. She loved him so much that it ached inside of her when she thought of that she'd never see his face again, never hear his laugh, kiss his lips or hold him close.

He had broken her heart when they had divorced and yet as much heartache as she had been in then it wasn't as bad as what she was feeling now. Because then Blake was never far off her mind. Every time she'd seen Amanda she'd felt a longing for what could have been. She had regretted their divorce but would never admit to it. Instead she'd build up a wall to protect her heart. She had grown to hate Blake as it was easier that way. She'd lived the high life and slept with more men then she cared to remember but no one could help her get over Blake.

Then she'd returned to Denver. She had planned her revenge carefully. Yet all it took was a week in Blake's company for her to know that what she really wanted was her life back. From that moment on Blake had still occupied her every thought. He had become an obsession and when he refused to reconcile with her, she had vowed to destroy him. She loved and hated him with a passion at the same time. She had hurt him, but whenever he was in trouble she was always there for him. She'd even saved his life once and he'd had 21 more years thanks to her. But now he was gone and the pain was so bad that she could barely breathe.

The truth had finally caught up with her last night and when she had realized that Blake was really gone and was never coming back she'd broken down in tears. She'd cried herself to sleep at night and when she slept she dreamed of Blake and their past. It was pure torture. Hugging her knees to shield her from the pain, Alexis tried to keep warm. But all she felt was numb and cold and it made her shiver really badly. She longed for a man to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was gonna be okay. But there was none. There hadn't been a serious relationship in years. She'd had flings off course. But the sex seemed meaningless and empty. It was just physical reactions and it offered her little comfort. She'd had several beaus too that she'd been together with for years. Yet she didn't want to get married again as she'd been burned too many times before. She knew that marriage just ruined everything so she was rather independent than tied down to some man that she really didn't love.

Alexis stood up and walked over to the window. The garden outdoors was dark and empty. The house was so quiet that she could hear the clock tick. The loneliness and grief she was feeling was black and threatened to engulf her. She felt like she was drowning in an ocean of tears. Her throat was soar and she was longing for a smoke. She needed something to steady her nerves and to keep her calm. Yet there wasn't even a cigarette in sight since she'd quit smoking seven years ago when her doctor had informed her it was a vice she had to give up immediately if she didn't want to die of lung cancer. It had been hell to quit and the first years her hands had shaken so badly she could barely lift a cup of coffee to her lips. But her strong will to live had prevailed. She'd given it up. Life was still good and without the smoke she'd found herself fitter than in years.

Yet she knew that no matter how strong she felt now there was no way of knowing what life held in store for her. Only time knew how many years she had left to live. If she was lucky she'll might live for another 25 years. If not she might not even live for another 10 years. Alexis didn't like to think much about age. She just lived her life in the present and made the most of each day without worrying about tomorrow. She didn't feel old so therefore it rarely occurred to her that she was nearing the end of her life. Yet tonight it was weighing heavily on her mind as Blake's death had suddenly made her aware of her own mortality and it petrified her. Blake's death had happened without warning as she hadn't even known that he was sick. She was several years his junior and yet cancer didn't care about age when it choose its victims. It could happen to anyone at any time and it was what scared her.

So now for the first time in years Alexis found herself wondering what she wanted to do with the time she had left. 'Should I travel around the world? Retire from work?' Alexis pondered but the idea was not appealing to her. 'To do what take up knitting?' Alexis could never be an old woman in that sense. Since she had a young mind and hated most of the senior citizen activities like bingo, bridge, knitting and baking. She just wasn't the type. 'I guess I could always spend more time with the kids and grandkids' Now there was a thought that was more appealing to her. She still had several years to make up for as far as the children were concerned. Yet she didn't want to crowd them either as they needed to be able to live their own life too.

Pacing the floor of the bedroom Alexis mind was filled with troublesome thoughts. Her heart was filled with grief. But she knew that nothing got better from worrying herself to death. She had to be rested since the last thing anyone needed now was for her to collapse of exhaustion at the funeral tomorrow. So she went back to her bed and took a sip of water from the glass on her bedside table. Alexis drank the water slowly before she put the glass down and laid her head down on the pillow, since she knew that she had to go back to sleep. She needed to be rested if she was ever going to get through tomorrow. Only problem was that every time she closed her eyes she saw an image of Blake flash before her eyes. Every time she dreamed she dreamed about Blake and their past. The good times, the bad times and the times in between and it was painful. 'But you have to sleep' Alexis tried to convince herself. She closed her eyes, she cried until she felt like she had no more tears left to cry. She tossed and turned before pure exhaustion made her fall back into a dreamless sleep just before dawn broke. Another lonely night was finally coming to an end...


To be continued...

 

[Jessie]

Awesome updates but sad ones. You are writing such a great story. I feel sorry for everyone in the story. I hope you update again soon. ❤

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you Jessie.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the updates even though they were sad.

Here's another update:

Chapter 5


The church bells pierced through the silence as they proclaimed that Blake Carrington's funeral was about to begin. The event was shaping up to be the big social event of the year in Denver as just about anyone who was anybody in the town were there. All together there was a little over two thousand people who were entering the church to pay their last respect to a man, who had been a force to be reckoned with in their city for almost six decades. Alexis arrived among the last guests as she still knew how to make an entrance. She was wearing a Valentino black suit jacket with matching knee length skirt and a white silk blouse underneath it. Her hair was swept back under a black hat with a veil and she was wearing dark sunglasses to block the annoying people out. As she was making her way to the front row in the church she caught sight of a face in the crowd that made her heart stop. 'It can't be' Alexis reflected. As for a moment she'd been convinced that she'd seen Dex Dexter smile at her.



But then she recognized the woman he was with as her cousin Sable and then all the pieces fell to place. 'No that's not Dex, it's his son. Gosh that boy's all grown up now and he's a spitting image of his father' Alexis realized, as she tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. It had been a long time since Dex Dexter had last crossed her mind. It was simply too painful to think of him. 'The boy must be 20 now. What a shame that Dex never lived to see him. Fatherhood would have suited him' Alexis reflected. It had been 21 years since Dex had died. Alexis could still remember the fear when they'd tumbled over the balcony. For a moment she had been certain that she would die. But then she'd woken up at the hospital alive. Her joy hadn't lasted long as she'd found out that Dex was gone. He'd broken his neck and died instantly. The only reason why she was still alive was because she had landed on top of him. So in a sense you could say that Dex Dexter had saved her life.



Being confronted with his son now she could feel the hot tears well up in her eyes. Because he reminded her of the man who she had loved so passionately and then lost to Sable. She and Dex had only gotten 6 years together and they'd only been married for two. Yet he was the ache in her heart that wouldn't go away and that's why she never allowed herself to think of him. Since with Dex all her hopes of ever having another loving meaningful relationship had died. He was the only man who had ever really loved her just the way she was. There was nothing that Dex wouldn't have done for her. He had listened to her problems with her children, he had rescued Galen from Moldavia, he had put up with her selfishness, hot temper and he had forgiven her for her affairs. He had been young, sexy, strong and stubborn. He had seemed invincible to her. Yet she had managed to destroy him like she had destroyed all of her other husbands. In a sad moment Alexis realized that she was like a black window who had outlived all her four husbands. First Cecil had died, then Sean, then Dex and now Blake. So by now she was all alone.



Looking back on her marriages Alexis felt ashamed to admit that she'd only ever truly loved two of her husbands. Cecil she'd married only because it was convenient for her as his wealth and power could offer her the life she was used to. Sean she'd married simply because she had been temporarily insane after she'd fallen off that bridge. Also she wanted to make Dex and Blake jealous by marrying a younger man, trying to make them see how she'd felt when they'd cast her aside for younger women. Her plan had backfired on her of course as Sean wasn't who she thought he was and if it hadn't been for Dex she could have been dead by now. Alexis didn't like to think about Dex since whenever she did the regrets was eating away at her heart. 'Oh Dex, why did it have to end this way? Why did I have to push you away? Why couldn't I love you like you deserved to be loved?' Alexis pondered. But sadly when she was married to Dex she'd been too obsessed with Blake to ever truly give Dex a fair chance. Yes Blake was the love of her life. There was not a doubt about that. But Dex was a good man and she hadn't truly realized just how much she loved him until it was too late. Her heart had broken into little pieces the night she'd heard he'd died. It had never mended since then as she'd made a promise to herself to never let anyone get that close to her ever again. Because when she loved someone it meant they had the power to hurt her and Alexis had had enough pain to last her a lifetime. Yet she wouldn't have wanted to miss out on the love Dex had given her. She only wished that she'd treated him better. 'If I had loved him better maybe he wouldn't have been dead now and that smiling brat wouldn't have existed' Alexis realized, as it annoyed her that he did. It annoyed her even more that he was here. It was just so typically Sable to appear without an invitation as she certainly hadn't put up her name on the guest list. Maybe that was why the presence of Dex's son had thrown her. Since she simply hadn't expected him to be here. 'Oh well let's not waste my energy on them, after all this is not Dex's funeral but Blake's' Alexis reflected and as she took her seat on the front row she pushed all thoughts of Dex Dexter, his bastard son and her cousin Sable out of her mind.



The funeral began and as she sat there between Steven and Fallon, Alexis could barely make out the words of the minister as her mind was occupied with thoughts of Blake. Staring at the brown oak coffin at the podium in front of her Alexis could barely believe that Blake was inside of that coffin. He had been a part of her life for so many years that it felt so surreal to think that he was really gone. 'But Blake is dead' Alexis reminded herself again. 'Dead, dead, dead' the word seemed to echo in her mind and the sound was so loud that it was drowning out whatever the priest was saying about him. If it was one thing she couldn't shut out however it was the sound of tears, as her whole family was weeping openly as the funeral progressed and Alexis too could barely see as her tears blurred her vision. 'Oh Blake why did you leave me?' Alexis pondered, as she'd gotten so used to have Blake back in her life that it was almost like if the 16 years apart had never happened. 'To loose you just as we'd sorted things out...' Alexis reflected, as she couldn't help but wishing that she and Blake had sorted out things earlier.



Since if they had they could have had a friendlier relationship without all the bitterness, envy, hate and jealousy. 'Or we could have grown old together' The thought came to her instinctively and knowing that it was true she could feel herself drowning in an ocean of regrets. 'Why couldn't we sort things out back then? Why did he throw me out of the house? Why didn't I try to see him or the kids sooner? Why didn't he try to find me when he'd realized his mistake? Why didn't I fight for my marriage?' Alexis reflected. There was so many questions and no answers that it was frustrating. Alexis just knew that if she could live her life all over again she'd change the past. She'd never cheat on Blake. She would stand by him and talk things through with him. 'If only I had done things differently I'm sure Blake and I would never have gotten a divorce. Things could have been so different then. Krystle wouldn't have been Blake's widow, I would have. Krystina would never have been born' Alexis pondered, as age had made her wise. She could see her mistakes so clearly now, whereas when she'd made them she hadn't even been aware of what they were going to cost her. But she had been so young and stubborn then. Too stubborn to admit that she was wrong and too young to realize the consequences of her actions. Looking back now Alexis did not only see why her marriage with Blake had been ruined. No with a new clarity she could also see exactly when their marriage had become irretrievably broken down...



It was a rainy September morning. The leafs in the trees in the garden had started to shift colors in red, orange and yellow. Yet as she was standing in the master bedroom looking out through the window Alexis didn't even seem to notice. Because her heart was empty, her body was numb and her eyes were red from shedding too many tears. Alexis shivered from the cold that came in from the window as she wrapped her robe tighter around her. From a far distance she could hear a baby crying for her. The sound seemed to come closer. Alexis closed her eyes as she for a moment wondered if her first born was crying for her as well. 'Oh Adam where are you?' Alexis pondered. 'Who took you and why didn't they contact us for a ransom?' Alexis had so many questions, but no answers. It was a horrible situation made worse by that she was consumed by guilt. 'If only I hadn't left you alone in your stroller in that park you'd still be with us' Alexis could feel her heart ache for her baby. 'I only turned my back on you for a moment and then you were gone. Where are you now?' Alexis wondered. 'Are you hungry? Are you crying? Are you tired? Are you frightened? Are you blissfully unaware? Are you even still alive?' Alexis worried about her baby. Three whole weeks had passed by since her 2 year old son had been kidnapped and her world had been turned upside down. It had been the longest three weeks in Alexis' life. She had slept badly, she barely ate, she was depressed and she barely managed to get out of bed in the morning since her grief was that deep.



The sound of a baby's sharp cry jolted her from her thoughts and as she turned around to where the sound had come from she couldn't help his name from escaping from her lips:



“Adam?” Alexis asked hopefully. For a moment her emerald eyes seemed to come alive but then they died again when she caught sight of the 11 month old baby in her husband's arms.



“No Fallon, not Adam” Blake corrected Alexis.



“But I want Adam” Alexis sobbed.



“I know you do, I do too” Blake had to swallow back his own tears before he went on. “But we've been through this before. Adam's gone”



“I know that” Alexis snapped. “So any news about Adam?”



“No” Blake shook his head.



“What do you mean no?” Alexis asked, as her voice was bordering on hysteria. “It's been almost a week since we heard anything new. Surely the police must have found some trace of him by now?”



“I'm sorry Alexis, but the police hasn't found anything new...”



“But why not? Why aren't they doing their job properly? I mean it's just one missing child, surely they should be able to find him...”



“Well sometimes they find the child and sometimes they don't and...”



“They'd bloody well find Adam or I'm gonna make sure that they're all out of a job. Here give me the damn phone. I'm gonna put some pressure on them...” Alexis yelled angrily, as she walked over to the phone and lifted it up. She was just about to start dial the number when Blake's hand stopped her. He made her spin around so their eyes met.



“Alexis no, that won't help”



“Why not?” Alexis asked, as she put down the phone on the hook.



“Because it's not their fault that there aren't any news...” Blake reluctantly admitted. “It's mine”



“Yours but I don't understand...” Alexis voice falted, as she searched his sad brown eyes for an answer. But she couldn't read him.



“I've told them to call off the search Alexis” Blake painfully admitted.



“You've told them what?” Alexis asked, as her face paled and she had to sit down on their bed from the shock.



“I've told them to stop looking for Adam”'



“I heard you the first time. But why Blake? I mean Adam is our child. Don't you want to find out what happened to him?” Alexis voice was merely a whisper, as silent tears run down her cheek.



“Not necessarily no”



“But Blake how can you say that? This uncertainty is killing me. Surely you must wonder too...”



“Oh I'm wondering Alexis. But I'm starting to feel like sometimes it's better not to know...”



“What's that supposed to mean...”



“It means that sometimes it's better to just let go than to keep hoping for a miracle that's never gonna happen...”



“No Blake, it will happen. Adam will come back to us. You must believe that...” Alexis cried.



“I want to Alexis, but I can't. You'll see the police usually solves a kidnapping case within a week. But in our case it's already been three weeks and since there has been no contact at all from the kidnappers that pretty much means the worst...”



“You mean that you think that Adam's dead?”



“I think that's possible yes”



“No Blake. Adam's not dead. He's alive”



“How can you be so certain?”



“Because I'm his mother and I can feel it in my heart. My baby's still alive...” Alexis sobbed and as she did the baby started crying too. Blake sat down with the crying Fallon in his arms as he tried to console his two girls.



“Hush sweetie don't you cry” Blake told Fallon as he rocked her gently and Fallon's tears actually subsided.



“Blake don't talk to me like I'm a child I'm...”



“A grown woman I know” Blake said as he turned his attention back to his wife. “I am not talking to you. Remember your daughter Fallon?”



“Of course I do, don't be silly”


“I'm not being silly Alexis. I am just saying that while you're grieving for our first child you're completely neglecting our second and she needs you too” Blake said. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to bottle feed a baby that's used to the breast?”





“Yes, I went through all that with Adam” Alexis told Blake. “But you were too busy working then weren't you?” Blake looked down, since her comment hurt. Because he knew that it was true. 'If only I hadn't been so busy working Alexis wouldn't have gone alone to the park with the kids and then Adam would still be with us' Blake blamed himself for their sons disappearance. He had spent many sleepless nights thinking about things he could have done differently and resolving to himself to start paying more attention to his family from now on.



“I guess” Blake admitted. “But I promise to be there for you more now. I'm gonna spend more time with you and the kids from now on”



“I'd believe it when I'll see it...”



“No Alexis don't be like that, I promise you that you and little Fallon is gonna want for nothing...”



“And what about Adam, he's your son”



“I know and I'll always love Adam and I'll miss him for the rest of my life. But we have to face facts Alexis. Adam's gone and Fallon's still here so I think it's about time we stop living our life in limbo. Life has to go back to normal...”



“How can anything ever be normal without Adam?”



“Please Alexis, promise me to try, if not for me do it for our daughter. She'll needs you” Blake pleaded with Alexis who had to close her eyes as the tears run down her cheeks. Because Blake just didn't get it. 'But that's just it. Adam might be your only child Blake, as for Fallon she could be yours but she could also be Cecil's' Alexis swallowed hard as the guilt trip she'd been on came back to haunt her. It was all so stupid. She loved Blake passionately and she had sworn he'd be her one and only and yet she'd betrayed him after less than two years of marriage.



The whole thing wouldn't have happened if only Blake hadn't worked so hard. If he'd only come with her to the party at the Colby mansion. But he had been stuck in Alaska looking for oil and then he'd insisted that Alexis should go alone to the party and have fun. So she had gone to the party and tried to drain her sorrows in booze. She missed Blake badly and had gotten too drunk. Cecil had then made his move. He had listened to her troubles and let her cry on his shoulder. It would never have happened if she'd only been sober. But in her weakened state Cecil had taken advantage of her. The few moments of carnal pleasure had seemed empty and meaningless to her and the affair had been over almost before it begun as Alexis had no deep feelings invested in Cecil Colby. She liked him well enough but she didn't love him. In fact she'd ended up regretting her mistake terribly in the harsh light of morning. She felt dirty and used. As she stood under the shower trying to get clean she had made a promise to herself to make it up to Blake and forget about it. When Blake had returned later that evening they had made love. The thought of what she could have lost made her cry but Blake never realized it. Alexis had then pushed the whole thing deep into her subconscious mind. Since she didn't want to remember and thought the incident was better best forgotten.



Only problem was that when she learned two months later that she was once again pregnant she didn't know who the father was, as she'd slept with both Cecil and Blake within a 24 hours period. Blake hadn't suspected a thing and had been so proud when the baby was born. Alexis was constantly fighting with her guilt. A part of her wanted to confess her horrible secret to Blake. But she didn't dare to since she knew their marriage would be over if he'd ever find out. So she kept her mouth shut and tried to go on as usual. But every time someone commented on that the baby had her father's nose she'd cringe as she mentally wondered if people only saw what they expected to see. Looking into her daughter's innocent little face now Alexis still couldn't decide if the baby looked like Cecil or Blake. The uncertainty was killing her inside. 'No Blake must never know that Fallon might not be his daughter. Especially now with Adam gone there's nothing that keeps me here. So if Fallon's not his he'll kick me out on the street without a nickel. He needs an heir and it's my duty to give him one' Alexis bit her lip as she knew what she must do. She loved Adam with every fiber of her being and if it was up to her they'd keep on looking until he was either found dead or returned to them. But knowing her husband and how he wanted them to go on like if nothing had happened she knew that she had no other choice to obey him. Not if she wanted to remain Mrs. Blake Carrington and Alexis had no intention of giving up that privilege.



“Okay Blake. I'll promise to try” Alexis nodded.



“That's my girl, now can you please feed Fallon?” Blake asked as he lifted the baby from his lap and handed her over to Alexis.



“Sure” Alexis accepted her little girl with open arms and then she gave the baby her breast. The baby's teeth scratched her nipples so it hurt, as she greedily ate. Looking down at her baby Alexis felt like God was trying to punish her for sleeping with Cecil. In a dark moment she couldn't help but wishing that the kidnapper had taken Fallon instead of Adam. Then things would have been simpler. The baby in her arms would have without a doubt have been Blakes'. As it was now she just didn't know and although Alexis gave Blake her best smile and he gave her a lingering kiss deep in her heart she still felt like something had died. Adam was gone and would stay gone, all because Blake had decided to give up the search. Alexis didn't want to give up. But Blake had the power to decide over her and she hated it. 'No I hate him for it' Alexis thought shocked her as up until now she'd thought she'd been incapable of hating her husband. Sure he had some annoying habits she didn't like. But that she could actually hate him, that she'd never thought. So it was in that moment that Alexis knew that her marriage had started to break down and no matter how hard they both tried to fix it things would never be the same again. Because the loss of Adam and the question of Fallon's paternity would always cast a shadow over their relationship...



Alexis tried to blink back the tears that blurred her vision. But she didn't quite succeed as whenever she'd dried some tears off they were replaced by twice as many new ones. Her heart felt like an aching hole and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop crying. She could make out certain faces through her tears though. There were her children, Adam, Fallon, Steven and Amanda all dressed in black. They were all gathered around Blake's casket waiting to say goodbye. The funeral service at the church was over and the immediate family had gathered together on the lawn outside of the Carrington mansion for the actual burial. They had thought it fitting that Blake was going to be buried there on their grounds. They would start a family grave for him and although nobody had told her so, Alexis just knew that her children would insist on that she'd be buried there too some day. Alexis was okay with that as she wanted to be where Blake was. Even if she wasn't okay with the knowledge that she'd never see Blake ever again in this life. The pain was hard to bear as Blake had been such an important person in her life that his death left a big gaping hole inside of her. 'Oh well at least I have our children' Alexis reflected, as she took a moment to look at the familiar faces that surrounded her.



There was Adam, her first born who had finally returned to them after 23 years apart. He was now a man of 54. Alexis didn't like to think of that her first born was that old as it made her feel ancient. Adam's hair was almost all gray and he did look a lot like his father. 'It's strange how much of his father's son he is. Out of all our children he's the one that resembles Blake the most. Not that his wife is anything like me' Alexis reflected as she looked briefly at the woman by Adam's side. Kirby did look pretty good now when her long hair was finally cut short. She'd matured into an elegant lady and even though Alexis had been furious when she'd learned that Adam was marrying the butler's daughter, with time she'd come to realize that Kirby was just what Adam needed. Finally Adam had what he wanted most in life. A family of his own. Looking at their children, Joseph who was 17 years old and Amalia who was 15 Alexis couldn't help but wonder why she'd fought so hard to keep Adam and Kirby apart. 'They lost so many years because of me. If I hadn't sent Kirby away they would have been married for 25 years instead of 18' Alexis reflected. Yes looking back now and knowing how things had turned out Alexis couldn't help but regretting sending Kirby away. Not that she was crazy about her daughter in law or the name they'd picked for her grandson. Every time she heard the name Joseph she couldn't help but cringe. 'Oh well it could have been worse. At least they didn't name him Sean' Alexis sighed, since she remembered how she'd tried to talk Adam to his senses and break up the engagement, when Adam had told her that if the Butler's son was good enough for his mother surely the Butler's daughter would be good enough for him. After that Alexis had stopped meddling in her son's affairs as she'd figured that Adam and Kirby's marriage wouldn't last even without her help. But to her surprise they'd grown more in love for every year that passed and were actually happy together. Kirby was alright too, even if she far preferred her son in law. Looking at her eldest daughter who was leaning on her husband's shoulder Alexis felt proud.



Fallon was the one of their children who most resembled herself. She could see so much of herself in her that it was almost scary. Even Fallon's marriage to Jeff reminded her of her own union with Blake as they shared a passionate love. Only difference was that unlike Blake, Jeff had stood by Fallon when things got tough and had a lot of patience with her. Sure they had both hot tempers and had argued a lot in their early years. They had shared an on and off relationship where they'd gotten married, divorced and married again. Luckily with time Fallon had grown tired of cheating on her husband and had settled down to be the wife Jeff deserved to have. 'The wife I could have been to Blake if he'd only given me a second chance' Alexis reflected sadly. Since out of all her marriages, the one to Blake was the one Alexis felt most sad for failing with. 'Oh well I guess it just wasn't meant to be' Alexis sighed. Fallon and Jeff on the other hand were meant to be and had now been married for 24 years. Since their final reconciliation they had been blessed with two more children so they now had four just like her and Blake. Their eldest, LB was 28 years old now and was serious and took a great interest in learning the ropes of oil business. He was the natural heir to the Colby empire. Lauren was 23 years old and was beautiful and free spirited like her mother. Her greatest pleasures in life was men and more men. It amused Alexis a bit, as she could see a lot of herself in her granddaughter. The two of them was really close and Lauren often used to come to Alexis for advise when she felt she couldn't talk with her parents. Her younger sister Lilly was 18 years old and was a freshman at college. Whereas the baby Tom, was 16 and was the star of the High School football team. So yes Fallon and Jeff sure had a handful raising all those kids, but unlike Blake and her they'd done it together and Alexis was so proud over them for making it work despite the ups and downs.



Then there was Steven. Her sensitive little boy. Alexis had a soft spot for him since he seemed to need her more than the other children. He was definitely the one of their children who had turned out least like they'd expected him to be. He had gone his own way and Alexis was proud of him for standing up for himself. Steven had finally married his gay partner Bart Fallmont five years ago after living together for almost 15 years. The couple didn't have any children. But Steven did have his son Danny, was was now 27 years old. The boy was a bit of a playboy though. 'But with a mother like that it's to be expected' Alexis reflected as she glared at Sammy Jo who was there with her new husband and their 14 year old daughter. They were standing next to her aunt Krystle and Blake's youngest daughter Krystina who was now a young lady of 25. Alexis still hated Sammy Jo with a vengeance and didn't like that her son was still very friendly with her. But since they shared a child together it wasn't like he had much of a choice. As much as Alexis disliked Sammy Jo nothing could change that she'd given Steven a child and Alexis was grateful to her for that. Alexis was also proud of her son for not repeating the mistakes of his father, as no child should be forced to be separated from his mother. As a mother herself Alexis understood that all too well and was therefore reluctantly okay with having Sammy Jo in her life. Alexis then shifted her gaze to her youngest daughter.



At the age of 45 Amanda had blossomed into an intelligent and strong woman who was a devoted mother and wife. She was married to an Englishman named Laurence whom she had known since childhood. The couple had two children, the boy was 12 years old and was named Alexander after Alexis father and the girl was 10 and was named Marissa after Alexis herself. Looking at Amanda's perfect little family Alexis could feel a sting of guilt. 'I've made so many mistakes with Amanda. First I dumped her on my cousin then I tried to push her and Michael together. Just because I couldn't have his father I wanted Amanda to have the life I couldn't have. I wanted her to become queen but I never stopped to ask what Amanda wanted' Alexis sighed, since she could see now that she'd made a terrible mistake in pushing Amanda into Michael's arms. It just wasn't fair of any parent to project their own dream onto their child. Yes Alexis sure had a lot of regrets when it came to Amanda. Worst of all was the fact that she'd abandoned her own child as a baby. She could have raised her. But she hadn't. The other children had been taken away from her. But Amanda she'd given up all by herself. Only because she was afraid of getting invested in someone again only to have her taken away from her. Yet looking at Amanda now and how she was happy made Alexis load a bit easier to bear. Since at least Amanda had turned out alright in the end and that was all that mattered.



Also the fact that Blake had forgiven her for keeping his youngest daughter from him for so many years made things a bit easier for Alexis too. Even though the fact that he was gone made her feel like shit. 'Oh Blake where are you now? Are you in heaven or in hell?' Alexis shivered, as she didn't like to think of that Blake wasn't here anymore. Since it made her so aware of her own mortality and Alexis was a bit worried that someone up there wouldn't approve of the way she and Blake had lived their life when judgment day came. There was no denying that she was getting older and standing there surrounded by her children and grandchildren Alexis made a resolution to herself to make the most of the time she had left. She wanted to work less and spend more time with her family. After all she had promised Blake to look after them and she intended to keep that promise. Yet as she was watching Blake's coffin slowly disappearing into the ground Alexis felt like a chapter of her life was closing...



To be continued...

 

[Jessie]

Awesome update, I love this story so much. I love how she is remembering her past, and her mistakes too. All the kids are happily married with children. You are writing an amazing story, I love it.

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you Jessie. I am glad that you love this story and the way I've envisioned their past and their children's future.

Here's another update:


Chapter 6


Alexis didn't like Blake's sense of humor. The man had been gone for a month now but still knew how to beat her at her own games. When Blake's attorney had called her and insisted on that she'd come to the reading of Blake's will she had been intrigued to say the least. 'Why would Blake want me to come to the reading of his will?' Alexis curiosity was sparked as she'd imagined that Blake might right some of the wrongs he'd made her when he'd thrown her out of their house. 'Maybe he'll give me a Ming vase or a painting back? After all I was the one who bought them. Blake never got art'. Alexis had hoped. So Alexis had come here this afternoon full of expectations. But after 30 minutes of formalities she still didn't know what Blake had left her. Worse yet she'd been forced to just sit there and listen to 30 minutes of sappy goodbye messages that Blake had had the bad taste to write to all his loved ones. 'Like I really need to sit here and listen to how much he loves his children or his Sterling Krystle' Alexis rolled her eyes, since some of the contents in Blake's goodbye letters had definitely been barf worthy. Even from the grave Blake had the bad taste to preach to their children to get along and don't argue about their inheritance. 'Still what does the man expects when he splits things the way he did?' Alexis kept filing her nails as she wondered how long it would take for all hell to break loose.



After all Blake hadn't exactly been fair when he'd split things. He had left Adam 50 % of his company, the other kids and Jeff got 10 % each. He'd left Fallon and Jeff the mansion. It surprised Alexis a bit that he hadn't left the house to his Sterling Krystle. But Blake had had the good taste to buy Krystle and Krystina a new ranch house with a lot of horses instead. That pleased Alexis since it meant that Blake had meant it when he said that the mansion would be passed down to their children one day. Blake had split his wealth in lump sums of cash put into trust funds for Krystle and all the children and grandchildren. They were all millionaires in their own right. Naturally as his widow Krystle had gotten 50 % of his wealth whereas the others got to share the remaining 50 % of obligations and cash. Alexis couldn't help but feeling that Steven and Amanda were the big losers in all this as although they had become several millions richer the value of the things he left them was nowhere near the value of the things he'd left Adam or Fallon. So after 30 minutes of listening to a lot of crap Alexis still didn't know how she fit into all this. 'Why did Blake want me here? To settle the argument between our kids?' Alexis pondered when the lawyer finally got to the part that concerned her.



“And finally to my first wife Alexis Carrington Colby. You are a woman who lacks nothing of material possessions and therefore I'll leave you with something that can not be bought for money. It is the most valuable thing that you gave me. I'll leave you our children and grandchildren. Make sure to look after them properly and love them for me” the lawyer read and Alexis couldn't help but wonder why Blake had put something that goes without saying into his will.



“That's it? I came here to be told to look after our children?” Alexis exclaimed.



“Well Mr. Carrington did leave you a goodbye letter too”



“Oh brilliant” Alexis snorted, as she had been had. When it came right down to it Blake hadn't left her any of their things. The children and grandchildren didn't really count as they were just as much hers as his to begin with. 'It's not like Blake owned them to start with. Even though he liked to think that he did. They do have a free will' Alexis reflected, as she was disappointed.



“Well aren't you going to read the letter then?” Fallon asked, as she was curious of what her father had to say to her mother.



“I'm sorry Mrs. Colby but I can't do that”



“Why not?” Fallon asked.



“Because Mr. Carrington requested that it would be read only by your mother” His reply annoyed Fallon. But not as much as it annoyed Alexis. 'Oh what the hell? Why did he put me through listening to all his sappy goodbyes to Krystle and the kids when they don't have to listen to what he has to say to me?' Alexis reflected, since it just didn't seem fair to her.



“Oh it's alright you can go ahead and read it” Alexis gave her permission.



“I'm sorry Mrs. Colby but I really can't do that”



“Why not? What's in the letter that can't be shared with our family?” Alexis wondered.



“I don't know Mrs. Colby. I haven't read it. You'll see Mr. Carrington had it sealed before he left it to me five weeks ago and he specifically requested that the letter was to be opened by you in private”



“Five weeks ago? But daddy was dying then” Fallon reflected.



“Exactly and he was very specific, so you don't want to deny a dying man his last wish, do you?” the lawyer asked in a way that made Alexis suspect what was in the letter. 'Blake must have written that letter in case he wouldn't have had a chance to talk to me. If the content of the letter is anything like our goodbye conversation I guess it's better if it's kept just between us' Alexis reflected before she said.



“No” Alexis shook her head. Suddenly touched by Blake's determination to put things right with her before he died. “If you'll give me the letter I'll read it some other time”



“But mother” Fallon objected.



“No Fallon your father wanted this to be just between us. You have to respect that” Alexis said and the lawyer then gave her the letter, which she put into her purse as she gave Krystle a gloating smile. Since it served the dumb blonde right to be kept in the dark as to what Blake had to say to his ex-wife on his deathbed...



To be continued...

 

[Jessie]

Awesome update the way you write Alexis is so perfect. I could imagine her face listening to the will being read. It seemed like Blake was fair.

I can't wait to see what Blake wrote her in the letter.

I really love this story, please update again soon.

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you Jessie. I am glad that you think I write Alexis perfect. She's my favorite character on Dynasty.

Okay so here's the last chapter of this short story:


Chapter 7

Alexis was restless. It was past midnight but she couldn't sleep. She'd tried to read a bit but the story was too thin. Her mind kept wandering off to Blake. In fact all she could think about was Blake and that stupid letter that he'd left her. Four days had passed by since the reading of his will and Alexis hadn't read it yet. It was almost like if she'd put it off on purpose since she knew that the letter was the last thing she'd ever hear from Blake. 'Maybe I'm just not ready to say goodbye yet?' Alexis pondered, as she put the book down. 'But I should be. I mean Blake is gone and he hasn't been mine for years. So what am I afraid of?' Alexis pondered. Yet in her heart Alexis knew what her problem was. Since so many issues from her marriage with Blake had been left unresolved until the night before he died, she was afraid that the letter would cut open the wounds again and leave her with some awful truth that she didn't want to know. 'Yet I really should read it' Alexis pondered, as she opened the drawer on her nightstand. 'Maybe if I'll do I can finally get some sleep'. Alexis reflected as she took out the letter.


She had been sleeping badly ever since Blake had died. Every night he came back to her in her dreams as she dreamed about their past. She remembered everything about him and their life together. In her dreams she even relived moments that she thought was long forgotten. Somehow it all came back to her and for a moment the world was alright again. Then she woke up with his names on her lips, looking out into the darkness. The tears rolled down her cheeks as she realized that she'd never get to touch him, kiss him, hold him or see him ever again. It was sweet torture and living in their house didn't exactly help as it was almost like she could feel his presence in the room. Yet Alexis didn't really want to leave. Since the mansion was where her family was and it was the only place in the world that felt like home to her. Fallon had asked her the other day if she'd liked to move in with them and Alexis had a feeling that she would take her up on that offer. Since even if the house was full of memories of her and Blake, living there still beat living alone in yet another hotel or rented pent house. Besides with Blake gone she was now head of the family and she sort of liked it. Not that Blake was ever far from her mind. During the days she remembered the times she'd spent with Blake in the rooms she now inhabited. Yet the days was nowhere near as painful as the nights, as all she had to do was close her eyes and there he was. His face was haunting her and she knew that the only way to get it to stop was by reading his letter and get it over with.


Alexis hands were shaking when she finally broke the seal of the letter. She hesitated for a moment before she pulled out the piece of paper with Blake's emblem on it. Then she started reading it. It wasn't a long letter. But still it meant everything to Alexis as she read it. After finishing the letter Alexis read it all over again, as if she just couldn't believe what she'd just read. 'Surely I must have misinterpreted it' Alexis pondered since it seemed a little too good to be true. 'Could it be that someone else wrote the letter and is trying to trick me into believing it's a goodbye note from Blake?' Alexis reflected. Then she brushed the idea off. Because there was no mistake since the letter was clearly written in Blake's handwriting. Reading it for a third time Alexis felt like she could almost hear Blake's voice talking to her as she read his final words to her:



Denver, the 31st of March, 2010


My Darling Alexis,

By the time you're reading this I'll be gone. My death may come as a shock to you as I've kept my illness a well guarded secret from you. But as you probably know by now, I've got cancer and it's slowly killing me from the inside. I've known for four months now. I'm sure if you knew how sick I am you'd be here in a heartbeat as you've always been right here by my side in times of crises. But I made the children promise me not to tell you. Don't be cross with them for it. They only did what I asked them to do. It's for your own good. I thought it would be easier for you to remember me as I was than to see me like this. Now I'm not so sure anymore as I can't get you off my mind. Maybe it's because I'm sick and they are giving me morphine for the pain that I am letting my guard down. All I know is that I need to see you again. I need to set the record straight between us before I'll die. I've asked Fallon to break the news to you. But just in case it's too late and I'll never see you again or I won't be able to tell you everything that's on my mind, I thought I'd write it all down. You may find it hard to believe that I'm writing you this letter as so much time has passed since we were close. But since I don't know how much time I have left or if I'll ever see you again I must write you. Since it is my last chance to tell you everything that's in my heart.


Alexis I love you. No it's not a joke. I really mean it. I know it's sudden and not what you expect to hear. But it's the truth. After I kicked you out of our house all those years ago I locked my feelings for you up inside my heart. Then I threw away the key. I wanted to forget you. To ban you from my life. So I pushed you out of my life and I did us both wrong. I know now that you can push something down into your subconscious mind and hope to forget it. But If you don't resolve the issue it will keep coming back up to the surface. It will keep haunting you until the end of time. The unresolved issue between us is our divorce. I knew that I had made a mistake when I threw you out the moment Steven asked me why his mummy couldn't be with him for his seventh birthday. I'll never forget the look on his face. I knew then that I never should have forbidden you to see your children. But I was too hurt to tell you so. I could have changed our divorce settlement and allowed you shared custody but I didn't.


I was selfish and wanted the children all to myself. My excuse was that you were an unfit mother since you were sleeping around. Yet I was a hypocrite. I remember you asked me once if I had remained faithful to you during our marriage and I just smiled. The truth is I wasn't. There were other women on the business trips. They didn't mean anything to me just like I'm sure that the men you slept with didn't mean anything to you. Still to expect you to be faithful when I was just as unfaithful as you were, I was being unfair to you. But I was so jealous and hurt when I found you with Roger. I felt like I owned you. You were mine. I now know that my way of reasoning was chauvinistic, maybe if we'd been more open about our problems and seen a marriage counselor we could have worked things out. But rather than facing our problems I took the easy way out and ran away from them. Maybe deep down I felt like I didn't deserve to be your husband as I could never make you happy.


I missed you like crazy the first years after our divorce. I should have sought you out and told you the truth. That it was all a big mistake and that I wanted you back. But I didn't. Instead I kept pushing my feelings for you out of mind. It was the only way I could move on and I needed a woman in my life. So I erased you from my life and moved on. It took me a long time to move on but eventually I found love again with Krystle. It was not what you and I had. But it was safe and comforting and just what I thought I needed. I thought that I was over you. But I was wrong. I knew it the moment you stepped inside of that courtroom. All it took was one look at you and all those feelings that I had locked away started to break free. When we were in Rome I wanted you so badly. I wanted to start over again. I loved you then just as much as I ever had. But I also knew that I couldn't live with you. We are both too alike you see and unfortunately we bring out the worst in each other. So I was afraid to take the chance and get my heart broken all over again. So I resisted you and remained true to Krystle.


Unfortunately my rejection of you brought out the very worst in you. When I found out that Fallon could be Cecil's daughter and that you'd killed Krystle's and my unborn child I had a reason to hate you. It worked really well until every time you did something so selfless for me or one of our children that it made me fall back in love with you again. You once told me that there was a passion between us and that the line between love and hate was thin. You were right that night. But I denied my feelings for you. I kept denying how I felt. Until I lost my memory in Singapore. Those days we spent together as husband and wife just as if you'd never left meant the world to me. It made me realize that I was wrong. We could work together again. In fact being with you made us both a world of good. You stopped searching for revenge and were so supportive of me. I knew then that I also could bring out the very best in you. I could make you happy. The last night we spent together meant so much to me. I know Krystle thinks nothing happened between us and I am so grateful to you for never telling her about that night. For letting it be our secret. Being with you was amazing. I loved you then just as much as I ever had.


The next night when you told me the truth how you had all engaged in a charade to win an oil deal I died inside. I knew then that as much as I loved you I could never trust you. I also knew that we could never be together again. So I told you that I wanted us to be just friends and selflessly you agreed. I knew it was for the best, since I did have a small child to consider. I didn't want to make the same mistakes with Krystina as I had done with Fallon and Steven. Krystina deserved to have a loving home with a mother and a father. So for her sake I denied my feelings for you and kept living a lie. I know it wasn't right to make that choice for you. But I felt like I was doing us both a favor, as I knew you had Dex Dexter to love you. Dex was a good man and he loved you like you deserved to be loved, with total devotion. He was good for you just as Krystle was for me. Don't get me wrong I did love Krystle. I know you don't want to hear it. But she is a gentle, loving woman who has loved me selflessly. My marriage with her is not what ours was. It doesn't have the same intensity or passion. But I am an old man now and could never keep up with you. So I thought Krystle was just what I needed. Yet now some thirty years later I wonder if I made the right choice.


All these years I've denied my feelings for you. I thought if I pushed them down enough they wouldn't be there. But I was wrong. I know now that I still love you. I never stopped loving you and if I could live my life all over again I'd never throw you out. Our divorce was the biggest mistake of my life and if I'd known then what I know now I'm sure it would never have happened. But you can't change the past. All I can do now is to ask you for your forgiveness. I really am sorry for giving up on us. It pains me to know that we wasted so much time that we could have been happily married. I know that you still love me and yet I denied us the one thing we both wanted the most. To live together as a family. To watch our children grow up. To grow old together. I know this letter won't right any of the wrongs I've made you. But maybe it can ease some of your pain to know that what we had wasn't just as one sided as I'd lead you on to believe. That you and not Krystle, was in fact the love of my life. Speaking of Krystle, I beg you to never show her this letter. I don't want to hurt her so my feelings for you have to remain our secret. Please Alexis respect my last wishes and take good care of our children for me. To choose you to be their mother was the best thing I ever did in my life and I am so grateful to you for having them. So now you know the truth. I hope it brings you some peace of mind to know that what we had run as deep in me as in you. So now goodbye my love. Take care of yourself and whenever life gets tough just remember that I love you.


Yours sincerely,

Blake.


Alexis could barely make out the words on the paper as silent tears run down her cheeks. It pained her to know that Blake had denied them a lifetime of happiness and love. All because of his stupid morals. It angered her that he had made that choice for her. Yet at the same time, as the meaning of his letter started to become clear to her Alexis could feel her pain ease a little as her broken heart slowly started to mend and the scars in her soul started to heal. Alexis bent over and put the letter back in the drawer as she took out a picture of Blake and herself instead.


“Oh Blake, I love you too” Alexis whispered softly, as she gently stroke the lines of his face. She then put the picture on top of the chest of her drawer where it belonged. For so many years she'd kept her love for Blake hidden inside of her heart. She'd thought that it was one sided and that he'd stopped loving her years ago. Yet now thanks to his goodbye letter she knew that he had loved her just as much as she loved him and in an odd sense that gave her a sense of peace. Since she now knew that she had the one thing that she'd wanted most in her life. The thing that she'd thought been lost to her years ago. She had Blake's love and that was enough to make her smile through her tears. Since she now knew that even though he was gone their life together had meant something to him too. In the decade they spent as husband and wife they had loved each other passionately. They had laughed and cried together and Alexis knew that she would treasure those memories for the rest of her life. She would also treasure the people who were alive because of that love. Since she knew that in their children and grandchildren Blake and she would live on. In fact having the children was the most important thing they had done, as together they had laid the grounds for a Dynasty that would last for several generations to come...


The End.

 

[Miss Texas 1967]

This was nice A touching story of past and present.

 

[Karin Schill]

Thank you Miss Texas 1967. I'm glad you liked it.

 

[Jessie]

Wonderful ending to an amazing story. I loved reading this, I always felt Alexis was the love of Blake’s life. The letter he wrote was beautiful.
You really are a wonderful writer.