I think what ails me tonight is something I’m sure we can all relate to. It’s my heart. It seems to have been broken in several pieces. Someone I love very much has moved three states over. I can’t say I’m surprised, as I knew this day was coming for a long time.
But for DFF, it was much more than a friendship. At least that’s what I always hoped for, but she didn’t share those sentiments. She loved me as a friend, and nothing more. And that’s okay, cause you can’t force someone to feel those things. It has to come naturally.
I told her last year how I felt about her, and she was very flattered. But she had no interest in letting it be anything more than just friendship. And let’s face it, it’s pretty hard being just friends with someone when you have those kinds of feelings for them.
So in this past year we drifted apart. We’d still bump into each other at work once in awhile, but it became awkward. And to make things worse, my feelings for her have not changed. I love her more now than I ever did, and I always will. She moved away to follow her dream, and I can’t fault her for that. I just wish I was that dream instead. That was really all I ever wanted, but I know now it wasn’t meant to be.
Maybe the hardest part for me is the finality of it. It’s hitting me that I’ll probably never see her again, and that makes me sad. Or maybe someday we do meet up again, and maybe we’re both in different places in our lives, and maybe then things can be different for us, but that’s sure a lot of wishful thinking on my part.
As someone close to me pointed out recently, her leaving might be the best thing for me. It’s time to move on. And I know that deep down, but it’s still very confusing. I can’t just turn off what I’m feeling. It’s going to take some time. I guess I always held out hope we’d end up together, and despite all the evidence pointing to the contrary, I never gave up on her possibly changing her mind.
I know you’ll probably never read this, but take care of urself. And always know that I love you. I will love you forever, even though it was never the same kind of love for you. What I’ve learned is there are many different kinds of love in this world. And the love you did show me, even if it wasn’t the kind of love I wanted, was still love nonetheless. And for that I’m eternally grateful to you.
You are the most wonderful woman I have ever known. and thank you for everything you did for me. And most importantly, thank you for being there for me during a couple of the darkest times in my life. I will never forget you, and I was so lucky to have you in my life.