New posts

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Willie Oleson" data-source="post: 347605" data-attributes="member: 8">[ATTACH=full]42097[/ATTACH]To be fair, I only chose this movie because I was in the mood for some serious hate-watching.Perhaps justifiable, that callous plan totally backfired when I got so, so, so  much more than I had bargained for.In order to qualify as "so-bad-it's-good" or "train wreck" entertainment I think there has to be - to whichever degree - an attempt to be successful, and because this sequel film is downright pathetic from start to finish it doesn't leave any room for schadenfreude.Whereas the survivors of the first POSEIDON film are desperately clawing their way out of their monstrous, sinking grave, the protagonists in BEYOND are going in.And not in a "mission to locate a legendary ghost ship", no, it's decided on the spot, unequipped and without making any preparations.Terrifying explosions coming from underwater are being shrugged off and this immediately takes the "disaster" out of the disaster movie.The scenery becomes ridiculously crowded when another  boat shows up, with Telly Savalas in a welcome to Fantasy Island  pose.[ATTACH=full]42098[/ATTACH]The dialogue is piss-poor (even by 70s Family TV standards) and often inappropriately used for or completely disconnected from the Disaster Theme.I guarantee you will not stop shaking your head in utter bebafflement, and it that regard it's almost  enjoyable.The sets are bland and uninspired and worst of all equally lit. Apparently a disaster of this magnitude has no impact on the ship's electricity.Michael Caine's crew need to find the captain's suite in order to plunder the riches from the characters who had died so tragically in the original story.How I'm supposed to root for these characters is beyond me.They discover the suite without any effort but then the safe with all the goodies crashes through the floor, well ceiling. But lookee, because of that crash the safe has opened - note to future burglar: just drop the damn thing - and because they got what they came for in the first place, the story now creates the challenge to get the stuff out of the Poseidon, preferably alive and unscathed, and from this point on it becomes more of a remake.Shirley Knight reprises the role previously played by Shelley Winters, and they aren't even coy about it.The other part of the plot is the retcon that the Poseidon was harbouring warfare plutonium, but at the same time I feel it would have been a more interesting angle to set up the story e.g. forcing  Michael Caine's crew to enter the ship in order to retrieve the plutonium for villain Stefan Svevo.I seldom blame the actors for a bad production, however in this case I think the Big Names out to hang their head in shame for becoming involved with this horrible sequel.I think the movie could  have been a little bit more fun if the part of Captain Turner was played by Adrienne Barbeau. Maybe it sounds like strange compliment but she's the actress who knows how to handle seriously bad scripts in her trademark ballsy and unapologetic fashion.I've always had a dysfunctional relationship with Sally Field: a part of me finds her adorable but another part of me wants to slap her for no particular reason.The film doesn't have a single redeeming feature at all, except for the link with DALLAS because Svevo's henchwoman looks as sexy and glamorous as JR Ewing's mistress, played by the same Veronica Hamel.Watching BEYOND has caused me nothing but misery, but at least that provides some schadenfreude for my fellow tellytalkers.To quote Jack McFarland: "Go on, laugh! Laugh at the sad old clown!"</blockquote>

Verification: What month follows July?