Things you'd love to do if you were a soap villain

[Willie Oleson]

I'd love to swap blood samples for a paternity test, and also move things around to create the illusion of a stalker-ish intruder in order to gaslight someone. And then, as a very "concerned friend" (*wrings hands/bites lower lip*) introduce that person to a fake psychiatrist who fake-practises in a remote part of the country. In fact so remote it isn't even on the map.

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

Such a villain should constantly be telling the characters that the other characters have said horrible things about them -- and even when it's demonstrably untrue, even concretely untrue, many of those characters continuing to believe the false quotes in order to validate their support for the villain because they rationalize that villainy as "strength" they still want to align themselves and their egos with.

Because that's what villains, and their villainous supporters, do.

All of which ultimately results in the release of a bioweapon virus from a nearby lab which gradually kills them all, the villain having left "evidence" that the nicest character caused the pandemic. Which is fully supported by the press and corrupt and/or stupid medical experts.

And then it all happens all over again. Every season until the show gets canceled, and the show blames the fans.

It's self-perpetuating.

 

[DallasFanForever]

I think I would start by canceling the medical coverage of all the senior citizens on the show.

Then I would go to the town hospital and switch all the babies in the nursery.

From there I’d have plastic surgery to look like the best looking guy on the show

I would send my kids to boarding school at two years old so when they came back six months later they would be 20 and I would get away with being an absentee dad.

 

[Willie Oleson]

Then I would go to the town hospital and switch all the babies in the nursery.

That would destroy my blood sample swapping scheme. I mean, it could accidentally show the correct result.

Luckily I found your car and I've put drugs in it and I will anonymously tip the police and you will be arrested and locked up for a whole season.
Hopefully I can locate your bitch ex-wife and convince her to return and take your kids away from you.

 

[tommie]

Just plain out murder the majority of my fellow cast.

Because why the hell not? I'll be redeemed and they're all annoying either way. So yes, I am not above resorting to murder.

 

[Willie Oleson]

Because why the hell not?

Fans don't like to lose their favourite original characters. Or are you starring in a dream season?

 

[tommie]

Fans don't like to lose their favourite original characters. Or are you starring in a dream season?

I star in the final season(s). You know the show that just goes on for too long - that's me. That's my character - besides being murderous.

 

[Luke_Krebbs_Ewing]

That would destroy my blood sample swapping scheme. I mean, it could accidentally show the correct result.

Luckily I found your car and I've put drugs in it and I will anonymously tip the police and you will be arrested and locked up for a whole season.
Hopefully I can locate your bitch ex-wife and convince her to return and take your kids away from you.

I'm with you buddy.

I've already called my pals at the FBI, I'm sure we can get his car forced off the road & made to look like an accident if he tries to make trouble.

 

[Daniel Avery]

I've definitely been watching too many soaps. For every situation mentioned in the posts above, I found myself recalling some soap villain who actually did it! Well, except this one:

canceling the medical coverage of all the senior citizens on the show.

Now I took this to mean the insurance for the older characters (not actors) on the show. I cannot recall anyone doing this because no one on soaps seems to worry about mundane realities like insurance, even when characters are in and out of the hospital like it's Club Med.

But if you are talking about elderly soap actors, then I can name a producer who did this to one of their stars--and hastening the star's death by doing so. Actress Anna Lee, elderly and wheelchair-bound, had been promised by a previous producer that she would have a job for life (which by that point was a few appearances per year). Regardless of that, producer Jill Farren Phelps cancelled her contract, which provided her with insurance and other benefits, and bumped her down to recurring. Lee died (of pneumonia) shortly after, and evil Phelps had to sit through a segment memorializing Lee at the Emmys, pretending to care as everyone angrily glared at her.

Keep proposing ideas, everyone---this is a fun parlor game ("Name that Cruelty").

 

[DallasFanForever]

Now I took this to mean the insurance for the older characters (not actors) on the show. I cannot recall anyone doing this because no one on soaps seems to worry about mundane realities like insurance, even when characters are in and out of the hospital like it's Club Med.

I guess I should’ve clarified that one. Yes, the characters are what I was referring to. Definitely not the actual actors playing them. It just seemed like such a dastardly thing to do to the older characters. I guess I like the idea of a villain that picks on the senior citizens of the show. Safe bet to say I may have issues, of course.

 

[Daniel Avery]

You'd have to be crazy good at your villainy to cancel their Medicare!

 

[Luke_Krebbs_Ewing]

You'd have to be crazy good at your villainy to cancel their Medicare!

It would be far better if they were sent on an old folks outing and the spaceship from The Colby's tractor beamed the coach on board the UFO.

It would fly off and none of those poor people would ever be seen again.

 

[J. R.'s Piece]

Warren Fox (2006-2009, 2010-11, 2016-17, 2018, 2019, 2020-present) referred to onscreen as a magnet for chaos and destruction and a dangerous psycho, has so far murdered seven characters and was once permanently dead for 17 months. And remains a permanent regular. He usually gets away with his murders but he did spend time in prison for murdering his pregnant-with-his-baby fiancée on their Christmas wedding day but he got out on licence, on a technicality. It took three years to catch him for that, about half of which he was permanently dead for. Until he returned, with special flashback scenes shot to explain how he murdered and bribed his way out of his death and funeral. And attempted to murder his next fiancée, before he got engaged to her half-sister, who, knowing this, got into another relationship with him, before he cheated on her with his ex-fiancée (they had both tried to murder each other), whose fiancé he had recently murdered to cover up for his most recent murder. And attempted to murder his future fiancée, after she tried to murder his firstborn son, who he later tried to murder by attempting to give him a fatal drug overdose and recently shot. He has caused other deaths when he got Dom to burn down Il Gnosh. And women seem to be attracted to him, even when they know that he has murdered or attempted to murder their family members. And he recently tried to murder his own mother. And gotten away with parental abductions and various kidnaps and body moving stunts, including burying his murder victim underneath the body of another murder victim, during a funeral. And has still remained one of the funniest and more sympathetic characters on the show, while having an increasingly long list of murders and attempted murders. And sometimes he shows a warm heart, while simultaneously being a smiley and sometimes dark villain. And he recently tried to murder his mother (another villain), only to find out that he needs her to give him a liver transplant. And he sometimes gets heroic stuff to do as well, as well as thuggish villainy. And is often some steps ahead of those around him and capable of considerable scheming and manipulation. You got to see him chuckling in a balaclava, in the mirror, as he prepared to kidnap someone and work them over. So that stuff would be fun to play. And he once returned to the show, turning round in the shower.

 

[J. R.'s Piece]

…While his on and off partner, Sienna, has drugged people, faked pregnancy, faked miscarriage, kidnapped and tried to murder people but shown many layers to her personality. And gone to some very dark places plus having a twisted controlling father. And a serial killer schoolchild daughter, who was also unknowingly (at the time) her niece, who later murdered her own grandfather

 

[Daniel Avery]

to create the illusion of a stalker-ish intruder in order to gaslight someone. And then, as a very "concerned friend" (*wrings hands/bites lower lip*) introduce that person to a fake psychiatrist who fake-practises in a remote part of the country. In fact so remote it isn't even on the map.

On One Life to Live, Tea Delgado started having headaches. Her "concerned friend" Elijah Clarke referred her to a doctor-friend of his, and wouldn't you know? Doc tells Tea she's got a terminal brain tumor. Elijah counsels his friend that she ought to keep her diagnosis a secret for the time being, and her doctor knows a great out-of-town clinic where she can be kept comfortable until she dies---which will happen very soon, don't ya know? So Tea packs her bags and heads off to die in an out-of-town clinic---at least until the truth came out.

We found that Tea wasn't sick at all. Elijah had decided to bump her off, so he got Tea to visit a doctor that Eli was blackmailing. The doctor told Tea she had a brain tumor, and the out-of-town clinic was actually a pretext to isolate and kill her. In the end the doctor confessed his role in time to save Tea from getting murdered. I remember the plot, but can't really remember why Eli wanted to kill her off.

 

[Willie Oleson]

I would arrange for the bridegroom's secret and pregnant recent-ex-girlfriend to jump out of the wedding cake - as naked as allowed for soap TV.

 

[Daniel Avery]

From there I’d have plastic surgery to look like the best looking guy on the show

On The Young and the Restless in the 1990s, evil villain David Kimble sought to evade capture by having a plastic surgeon alter his appearance. For a reference point, David handed the plastic surgeon a photo of David Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff had played Dr. Snapper Foster (Jill's brother) on Y&R for many years in the 1970s before becoming famous for Knight Rider and Baywatch.

 

[Daniel Avery]

Just plain out murder the majority of my fellow cast.

In the final months of the daytime soap Loving, core character Gwyneth Alden went on a serial killing-spree, murdering about half the cast (including her parents). The survivors of the bloodbath decided to pick up and leave town to start a new soap, The City.

 

[Willie Oleson]

If I'd murder a fellow soap character I would frame someone else to frame me, making me the victim of the piece. And I would handle it so shrewdly that even the fans could no longer decide if I had dunnit or not.

 

[Luke_Krebbs_Ewing]

On One Life to Live, Tea Delgado started having headaches. Her "concerned friend" Elijah Clarke referred her to a doctor-friend of his, and wouldn't you know? Doc tells Tea she's got a terminal brain tumor. Elijah counsels his friend that she ought to keep her diagnosis a secret for the time being, and her doctor knows a great out-of-town clinic where she can be kept comfortable until she dies---which will happen very soon, don't ya know? So Tea packs her bags and heads off to die in an out-of-town clinic---at least until the truth came out.

We found that Tea wasn't sick at all. Elijah had decided to bump her off, so he got Tea to visit a doctor that Eli was blackmailing. The doctor told Tea she had a brain tumor, and the out-of-town clinic was actually a pretext to isolate and kill her. In the end the doctor confessed his role in time to save Tea from getting murdered. I remember the plot, but can't really remember why Eli wanted to kill her off.

She kept drinking all the tea which made him psychotic.

Eli later decided he wanted to drink coffee instead!