Random things you hate

[bmasters9]

People often comment that I'm not properly dressed for summer weather. But I just love the feel of my winter outfits on my body, and those lightweight summer jackets usually don't have enough pockets (or any!) and I need to have everything on me: passport, wallet, keys, phone, cigarettes, lighter, chewing gum, after shave (in one of those tiny sampler thingies, not the full bottle), just-in-case-painkillers, a few additional keys of this & that and - omg, almost forgot - lip balm.
So yeah, basically, a handbag-on-legs.
If I were a woman I could simply carry a handbag, but as a man my options are very limited.

Sometimes the necessities of life would dictate otherwise than normal in a lot of things-- with all the things you carry around, I don't blame you for wanting to be prepared and not have to carry everything around in your hands (at least I would so surmise from reading this; I may be incorrect).

 

[Daniel Avery]

Have you considered a wheelbarrow?

 

[Seaviewer]

People often comment that I'm not properly dressed for summer weather. But I just love the feel of my winter outfits on my body, and those lightweight summer jackets usually don't have enough pockets

I'm the reverse. I don't like to feel encumbered so I'm still wearing short sleeves in the winter and people are forever asking me if I'm not cold.

 

[Rove]

If I were a woman I could simply carry a handbag, but as a man my options are very limited.

Not so Willie. If it was good enough for Joey...

 

[Daniel Avery]

The hipster-dudes (are they still a thing?) have what they call 'messenger bags'. We call them 'murses' behind the hipsters' backs.

 

[Rove]

The hipster-dudes (are they still a thing?) have what they call 'messenger bags'. We call them 'murses' behind the hipsters' backs.

I use one and I'm no hipster dude. I take mine to work each day as I find it easily accommodates things like lunch, smartphone, wallet, battery bank in case I need to power up the smartphone, headache tablets, bottle of water...and the lip balm. Oh crap...I'm Joey ...or Willie

 

[Daniel Avery]

No, no...it's not that bad. It can't possibly be that bad.

 

[bmasters9]

The hipster-dudes (are they still a thing?) have what they call 'messenger bags'. We call them 'murses' behind the hipsters' backs.

Murse-- wouldn't that be short for a "man-purse"?

 

[Seaviewer]

When someone puts their rubbish in my rubbish bin.

This is still happening. Every week I'm now finding a plastic bag of dog droppings in my bin. I'm assuming they don't just walk the dog once a week so what I want to know is, what do they do with it on the other six days? And why can't they do that on the seventh day as well?

 

[Daniel Avery]

Perhaps they walk the dog on a different path every day of the week for fear of getting caught.

It might not scare them off for good, but you could freak them out a bit by leaving a note taped to the bin saying

Every time you deposit your pet's poop in my bin, the security camera gets video evidence of your crime. Smile for the camera--see you in court.

 

[Sarah]

I’ve kept quiet long enough.

People who say ‘oh I can’t I’m training at the moment’. Training for what love?

Unless you’re an athlete, you’re going to the gym.

 

[bmasters9]

Perhaps they walk the dog on a different path every day of the week for fear of getting caught.

It might not scare them off for good, but you could freak them out a bit by leaving a note taped to the bin saying

Every time you deposit your pet's poop in my bin, the security camera gets video evidence of your crime. Smile for the camera--see you in court.

Hope that makes 'em think twice!

 

[Daniel Avery]

It's not a permanent solution, but perhaps the person is clueless enough not to realize it's way un-cool to dump your dog's doody (or anything else) in someone's private trash can and this might wake them up to 21st-century manners. Or just steer them to a neighbor's can.

My turn to rant a bit. The "Too Long--Didn't Read" version consists of "Don't be a 'coupon jerk' and hold up the line. Rules are printed on them for a reason."

So I went to Wendy's for breakfast before work. A woman was already at the counter ordering when I walked in. The woman kept changing her mind about what she wanted because she had this handful of coupons. She kept trying to change the terms of the coupon deals. For instance, she had a coupon for a certain biscuit, but wanted to apply it to a combo deal, which....to put it simply, you can't do. Coupon for item--you get that item cheaper. Everything else is regular price. Then she had a Buy One Get One on another item (a coffee or something) but instead she just wanted one in a larger size. The cashier was having none of it, and I quickly picked up on how the cashier was being extra stringent on the terms of the coupons because the woman was being a pain in the ass. I don't know how long she'd already been there, but I stood there ten solid minutes while they played volleyball with the coupons and terms. I'd entered the restaurant running early, and now I was behind schedule because of this nutcase. If it had just been a case of the woman not having the money to pay for her food and need the coupons to work in order to get something I might have had some sympathy/compassion, but this woman was just being irritating. She ended up having five different coupons shot down in flames (one was not even for Wendy's!), and by the time she left the cashier, she'd composed an a la carte order of miscellaneous items that ended up costing $8 that would have been around $6 if she had just ordered the combo and NOT used the one coupon that seemed okay to use/apply. By this point I had rolled my eyes so hard that I feared my retinas had detached.

I had had plenty of time to settle on what I wanted to order (though it had to be 'to go' rather than staying to eat, since I no longer had time), so my order was much quicker. I considered asking "Oh, do you take coupons?" and start digging in my pockets, but sometimes my jokes are not helpful. The cashier did not seem in a joke-y mood at the point.

 

[Willie Oleson]

‘oh I can’t I’m training at the moment’

That's just an euphemism for "I'm banging your husband at the moment".

So I went to Wendy's for breakfast before work

Breakfast in a restaurant? How decadent.

 

[Daniel Avery]

By the time I got my food, it was almost time to go back for lunch.

 

[bmasters9]

By the time I got my food, it was almost time to go back for lunch.

Didn't give you much time to eat, did it?

 

[Daniel Avery]

Thank goodness it's called "fast food".

My 'random rant' for the week comes in the run-up to my birthday. I opened my mail on Tuesday to find a letter from the AARP. Ever see a grown man cry? 'Cause that's how you make a grown man cry. As Blanche Deveraux once said about the IRS, "They shouldn't be allowed to send such filth through the mail."

 

[bmasters9]

Thank goodness it's called "fast food".

My 'random rant' for the week comes in the run-up to my birthday. I opened my mail on Tuesday to find a letter from the AARP. Ever see a grown man cry? 'Cause that's how you make a grown man cry. As Blanche Deveraux once said about the IRS, "They shouldn't be allowed to send such filth through the mail."

What did the AARP's mail say that had you crying?

 

[Snarky Oracle!]

When you go google-surfing looking for a friend, and you get a close-up of their crotch.

 

[Crimson]

A woman was already at the counter ordering when I walked in.

This is probably both ageist and sexist, but I avoid getting behind women -- particularly older women -- in any check out line. Given a choice between a line with 4 guys or 1 older woman, I'm standing behind the 4 guys; the line will almost certainly move faster. Older women seem to inevitably have to dig through their bottomless purses looking for (expired) coupons, before pulling out their checkbook like it's 1975. And then have the gall to slowly put everything back in their purse, while holding everyone else up.