Well, you liked this one a
smidge more than me.
I had delayed watching this one. It's the first MCU film since 2015 that I haven't gone to see in theaters. I've never cared for the Eternals in comic books. Oh I didn't mind if a random one (Starfox; Sersi) showed up in the Avengers, but as a total concept I thought they were a bore. I particularly resented the clunky "they're the Olympian gods -- but the Olympian gods also exist" angle. So I had very little enthusiasm for this movie from the time it was announced. In fairness though, the entirety of the MCU has been taking mostly second- or third- tier characters and making them engaging; so I had some hope. And then the trailers and commercials raised my concern: they were
boring. When a 2 1/2 hour movie can't yield enough material for an interesting 90 second preview, things do not bode well. When the movie was released to near universally negative response, I lost all interest. It was weeks after the film's release on Disney + that I finally gave it ago.
I tried my best to clear away all of those negative expectations, but within 10 minutes the movie officially lost me. A cadre of undeveloped characters engaged in badly done CGI battles against badly done, personality-less CGI monsters. Oh, this was going to be a long slog. There was about 5 minutes out of the interminable running time that piqued my interest. During the otherwise crummy, endless final battle, it occurred to me that there was a Justice League (Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern) vs. Superman vibe going on. The CGI wasn't very good, but there was, at least, some creativity in how those characters used their powers. It wasn't much, but at least for 5 minutes I wasn't in a stupor.
Because, otherwise, man this movie was dull. Bearing in mind that I have fallen asleep both times I've watched DARK WORLD, I still think ETERNALS is the most boring film of the MCU. I wish I had fallen asleep. Maybe this would have worked if a couple characters had been introduced earlier in the MCU, or if the movie had focused on two or three characters for full development. With a dozen-ish characters with paper thin personalities and virtually no development, there wasn't one thing in this movie for me to get invested in. I was too bored to even spend much time on the movie's heavy-handed "diversity", but this all felt like the laziest, most cynical, most box-checking attempts at representation since the Superfriends in the 1970s (Apache Chief; Black Vulcan).
To me it looked very “Marvel does DC”.
You're probably aware, but the Eternals were created by Jack Kirby at Marvel when his New Gods epic was cut short at DC. He took many of the same themes and concepts from that first title and dragged it over to Marvel. And I must admit, I dislike the New Gods just as much as I dislike the Eternals.
. Even in the post-credits scene I found myself tutting with irritation when tedious Dane Whitman made a three-act play out of opening a box to look at the sword.
If you weren't aware -- or, if you even care -- the voice in that scene was Mahershala Ali, confirmed to be the Blade in an upcoming MCU film. I don't recall any connection between Blade and the Black Knight other than, well, blades, but I guess there is now.
- Captain America: The Winter Soldier
- Guardians of the Galaxy vol 1
- Captain America: Civil War
- Thor: Ragnarok
- Avengers: Infinity War
- The Avengers
- Avengers: Endgame
- Iron Man
- Captain America: The First Avenger
- Spider-Man: Homecoming
- WandaVision
- Black Panther
- Spider-Man: Far From Home
- Doctor Strange
- Avengers: Age of Ultron
- Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2
- Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
- Thor
- The Incredible Hulk
- Ant-Man
- Black Widow
- Ant-Man and The Wasp
- Loki
- Captain Marvel
- Iron Man 3
- Iron Man 2
- The Falcon and The Winter Soldier
- Thor: The Dark World
- Eternals
Updated:
MCU Ratings on Google Sheets
The lowest score for the MCU for RT critics; 7th lowest RT audience score (slightly lower for "all audience" rather than "verified"); the lowest IMDB user score; the lowest Metacritic score; the lowest Cinemascore; the second lowest domestic American box office and 4th lowest global box office. Yeah, a dud.
On the plus side, there's no where to go but up!